Red Light by Jessica Singleton

The Red Light
By;
Jessica Singleton

"I do not need to spend two days or three days or even one day in jail. I have never done anything at all. Why would you talk about my fate? You are not me. You are not a boss or judge. Not unless you are the one doing this to me."

" What I've felt, what I've known, So I dub thee unforgiven." - Metallica

" Pain has an element of blank. " - Emily Dickinson

" It is that place in the dark that echoes inside of your own mind. No one can replace what is missing inside of you. But no one can hear the rumors that your imagination creates. Paranoia is a real illness. But According to definition, paranoia is basically the fear of something that does not exist. But it must. Or else, You would not be there." - And that would be me.

Red lights are slow to go away. Green lights seem to only last up to the point , where you need to go.  Yellow though , they are the ones that do not seem to exist.
Wait or go.
There is no other choice.

I sleep in when I can. I have always had a hard time sleeping. Here lately, sleep is like a tiny drip from a sink faucet.
So small.
But the tiny sound seems to echo and I can hear it even without my attention turned on.
I do not have a fear of a monster that does not exist.
Oh it does.
But no one can see it but me.
I've never felt so alone. I am surrounded by silhouetted memories that walk and talk.
They do and I can hear them as clear as day.
But they really are not there. Are they? Not anymore.

Today I met a man in a monkey costume again.  He wonders around and he talks because he cannot sing.
He looks like something that belongs in a cage in a pet store.  It has big eyes and you want to take it home but the cage smells like bo, AND it keeps pulling it's tiny pee pee out to leak all over the place.

I walked around the park for a while. I listened to my ear buds and I drank this amazing frozen smoothy from the shop up the road.  That made me happy.
It got me out of my own cage.
I have never avoided going home as much as I do now. Not since childhood.

I finally moved out and I was approved to buy my own home. I moved into a different place and finally I was safe.
The monkey man ask me out. We went to a hotel in the city for drinks. I had to much to drink at the bar. I went to catch a cab. I had my umbrella with me.
Then I went to the cab. I got in the back seat and I told the guy where to take me.
I looked up at him at one point because he was going to fast.
He was not a human. He was a crash test dummy. I realized I was the one behind the wheel.
It was all my own regret at that point.
I was awake. But I was able to take control before I crashed.
The END
art credit in this one to Escher