My head is hung like Hyacinthoides non-scripta in morning and I am not ashamed. I am afraid of the world around me and I am withered from the pain. 

The thought of you feels like a rebirth and photosynthesis. 

Thank you for giving me the feeling of hope and happiness for the first time in a long time. 

You are paradise. 

And your sound is a beautiful fantasy. 

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

Happy Holidays to the world

I had a relaxed day at home alone. I ate broccoli, chicken flavored rice/ pasta with part of a green apple on the side. I had oven plain white fish with it. I took a much needed nap. I had M&M's for my sweet.

I prayed silently today.

I hope everyone had a great day. 

Happy winter holidays to everyone.

🌲🎄🎄⭐️🙏🏻🎩🌟🕎🔯✡️✝️🔯✡️

Experience by Jessica singleton

The teachers son

I am expected to get used to a new promise when I just realized that I've been living a lie. Everything that I've experienced was on display for nothing but a show to cover up inhumanity and insanity. I'm the truth I'm not mistaken and I've never been an imitation of another life lost. 

A beautiful gift is hard to open.

I find that my pain has made me reluctant to desire much.

Because I am afraid of being shattered and torn in two by you.

I think you deserve everything in the world, I can't imagine how you ever came across my path in this life.

You look like a black and white movie reel from a wish I once had.

You really are impossible to walk away from . 

It would not take much to fall in love with you.

I'm already halfway there . 

Before I realize that I am ready, I have already let you in.

You are everything. 

Christmas sweaters by Jessica Singleton

Ch 1

1985

Tom was standing outside waiting on his mother to pick him up from school. Jessica walked up to him and smiled.

" Are you alone? "

Tom turned around to see the new girl standing there. She was in his 5 th grade class. 

" My mom works two miles away. She picks me up from school when she gets off work.  It will not be long. Don't you live down the street from me now? "

" Yeah my dad was mean and my mom moved us into a new house. "

" Oh I'm sorry. Are you okay? "

" I'm fine. I have a therapist now and mom has one too. "

" What's a therapist? "

" A doctor. "

" Oh cause you got hurt. "

" That's what my mother says. She said we don't need therapy as much as her x. She said he is nuts. "

" What is an x? A letter in the alphabet? "

" I think it's my dad. She now calls him bad words and always says x. "

" Oh she must be sad cause he doesn't live with you anymore. "

" I'm not sure. Adults are weird. When I am sad I cry. When my mom left my dad , she stopped drinking out of the whole glass two liter. And she wears makeup again. "

" They sell pop in glass two liters? "

" I guess so. But it's only for adults. "

" Oh. I think I understand. How do you get home from school? "

" I get a ride from my aunt June. She lives around the block from the school. Hey if you want to come over sometime to play you can. " 

" I'm not playing house and I'm not playing with dolls. "

" Actually I know you're a boy. I was going to say we can play in my backyard. The people who lived there before left a lot of jungle gym stuff in the backyard. "

" I will ask my mom when she shows up. If I can, I will come over. " 

Tom was glad Jessica was there to talk to.  June showed up pretty fast and then Tom's mother showed up right after. 

Ch 2

2018

Tom was walking into a boardroom meeting. He was wearing a dark blue blazer and Armani pants. He was a CEO of one of the biggest technology companies on the east coast. 

" There is the golden boy. Another Rich before you're old  dot Com brats. "

Tom looked at Fred Barton and smiled.

" And there is the only bench warmer for golf , who spends more money on sticks then lessens. Apparently the same concept for marriages, considering how many you go through. I'm starting to think you're being scouted by women and athletic sporting goods companies . They want you to spend money on their equipment and then advertise. "

Fred was like a brother to Tom. They constantly gave each other a hard time.

The men took their seats around a long thin table. The meeting was not difficult to get through or hard to understand. Everything was laid out before everyone. The truth is loud and unforgettable.

When the meeting was over Tom got in a private car with a driver and he went home to his sky rise penthouse. 

Tom lived in a beautiful home that over looked the world. 

His bedroom had a chandelier by 

Baron de Redé,

His dining room was filled with 

Taurus Extendable Dining Table by YumanMod.

A chandelier by casino royal.

The art on the walls was mostly Picasso and Paul booth.

It was his own paradise.

His mother sent Tom a text. She wanted him to come home for Christmas.

Tom missed his family and he did not mind.

Ch 3

Tom drove up state. He had not made time for family in years. 

When he got home, his dad was sitting on the front porch smoking a cigarette. 

" My boy. Come give me a hug. " 

Tom walked over to his dad to hug him. 

" It is winter dad. You are outside to smoke a single cigarette. Why aren't you by the fireplace in the house? "

" Your mother keeps doing everything those women's magazines tells her. She says cigarette smoke will stain the wall and give her lap cat asthma. "

" Mom has a cat now? "

" No she does not have a cat. She has a sissy dog that would fit in her purse. She babies that little thing. He is not worth much, he needs a litter box. Damn thing pees everywhere. "

" I see . "

Tom's mother stepped out of the front door. 

Tom did not have much of a chance to say much. 

His mother came over to him and she hugged him tight enough to make him lose his breath. She started to finger comb his hair and size him up. 

" You are so thin. You must be starving. That's okay I have been cooking all day. You have to eat greens . That's what it always is. Look at my little baby , you are all grown up. I need grandchildren. You need to get married and then eat greens. I love you. Aww my little man is home. I'm so happy. "

Tom smiled and followed his parents into the house.

Ch 4

The house looked the same. After 30 years, his parents had not bought new furniture.

Tom saw a tiny dog wearing a tiny sweater that said-

" bark for santa " 

on the front. Tom looked at his mother.

" I see you still sew? Did you make that dog a sweater? "

" Yes and I made you one too. "

" Oh really mom, I don't think..,"

Before he could say anything, his mother gave him a big sweater with Rudolph the reindeer on it. The reindeer's nose was a glitter ball of red.

Tom did not know what to say. 

" We do not have stains on the walls. Everything is immaculate and clean around here. Don't worry about a proper turn down service. I have all brand new mattresses with mattress covers. We have never had bugs and we never will. No p p stains either. "

" I can see that. "

" I have invited over some guests for dinner. I know a girl at my church. Her name is Alley Banker. Such a sweetheart. She is the girl for you hun. "

" Mom ... really thank you but it's not really.."

" Now trust me. She is beautiful and blonde. "

Tom really could not get a word in. 

Ch 5

That night Alley banker was constantly talking and it was loud. She kept talking about stuff or people that no one knew. She was blonde but she was boring and obnoxious.

Tom could not understand her. She was just really weird like a loud toy that keeps talking in a robotic voice. 

Pip the dog barks at any loud noises. So every time Alley finished a sentence and started a new one, the dog barked because Alley seemed to be getting louder. 

Tom found that funny. 

Tom thought he would sneak outside to avoid Alley banker and her silly rants. But Alley followed him and started talking again. 

Tom smiled but he just wanted to get away from her. He nodded and acted as though he was listening. Finally she abruptly stopped talking. Tom was not sure if Alley knew how to shut up or if maybe she needed help. 

Before Tom could ask if she was okay, Alley grabbed him and she kissed him hard on the lips. It was dramatic and cheesy like an old movie mixed with humiliation. He loved intimacy and he really loved kissing women. But she couldn't of made life more awkward. In just the short time he knew Alley banker, he could not stand her.

Alley finally left. Tom went inside the house and to his room to go to bed. 

Tom's mother brought him his old teddy bear to sleep with.

Tom loved his mother enough to entertain her silly behavior because he was a nice man. 

Ch 6

The next morning Tom woke up and he saw his underwear had been removed from his bag, and ironed . They were just laying on the bed. Tom got up and he asked his mother about his clothes?

" Mom, did you iron my underwear? "

" I re washed all your clothes and I ironed them. I also wrote your name inside all your panties . Like I used to when you were a child. That way you don't lose them or get them mixed up with your father's panties. "

Tom and his father both said at the same time, " UNDERWEAR! "

" it doesn't matter. Panties, underwear, potato or pototo. "

That day Tom's dad took him fishing on the lake and then his mother insisted on having him watch talk shows with her so they could keep up with current events in the world.

Tom's mother invited over a new guest. This time  it was Carrie Grander. Carrie was shy but weird. She could be sitting in a room with you and still make you feel like she was spying on you. She had a presence of a stalker mixed with a demonic child. She had long blonde hair. She looked like the singer of a band. 

She made Tom feel like hiding under his bed with the dog. At least then he would know she was coming. 

At the end of the night, Tom walked Carrie to the door. He helped her put on her coat. 

Tom was not trying to be nice. He felt like he had to make sure she did not miss anything. He did not want her to have a reason to come back. 

Carrie spun around 

" Get on your knees sir!"

" What are you talking..."

" Now and kiss my hand. It's proper. I'm the lady in the house. "

Tom turned to his parents but his dad was laughing while his mother was smiling with pride.

Tom got on his knees and he kissed Carrie's hand. 

Carrie left and Tom asked his parents why? 

Tom's father said 

" Your mother misses you. She brings girls home from her prayer meeting all the time. I don't like them either but they are harmless. We want a grandchild son. "

" I love you both but please let me pick out my own dates. "

" Tommor will be better. "

" Oh God, now what? Mom really tell me it's not another date? Please don't again. I feel abused and nothing happened yet. "

" No. Sweetie it's an old friend. You remember poor Jessica, from down the road. "

" Poor Jessica, mom are you serious? Dad help me out ! "

" Well , she is getting a check from the government now. She stopped working because of her mental state and she is fat. But she can read. You like books. You have history together. "

Tom rolled his eyes into the back of his head 

" History! I jumped on a trampoline in the fifth grade and I had a box of juice, mom you really can't do this, oh my god. "

" it's to late. She will be here. "

Tom went to his room.

All Tom could rink about was how horrible this girl would be. She gets a check from the government at an age under 50. She lives with her mother and never gets out. She has mental issues and she was suggested by his mother. 

Could anything be worse than the last two contestants. Tom decided to leave before and just eat out.

The next night, he called some old friends and asked to meet them for drinks at a hooters bar. 

He started to leave but a woman walked into the house.

She was short and curved but not obese. She had her hair up and it had a few curls dangling down like a chandelier. Her eyes were a dark blue and turquoise color. 

They looked like crushed velvet and midnight. 

She smelled like a flower and sugar cookies. She was wearing a black sweater and old jeans. She looked like something he dreamed about but couldn't place the memory completely. 

" Hi , I doubt you remember me but I am Jessica. "

" I remember you. I was just going to say... "

He kept staring at her and she said 

" You were going to say that it.. "

Tom started to speak at the same time and they both said the same thing. 

" it's okay, it probably doesn't matter. "

They did not intend to speak to each other so much but they talked through the entire dinner. 

After dinner Tom walked jessica home. They neither said they were on a date but he kissed her on the mouth. It did not have an introduction or a speech afterwards. It was as though they had been dating for a year.

He realized he was holding her in his arms and she was holding him. 

All he could think to say was, 

 " I want to know everything about you. "

She invited him inside her house.

They made a pot of coffee together . He did not know her kitchen or where she kept the spoons but it felt like he was unpacking and asking his wife where they had put something.

It was new and comfortable in a different way. She was everything all of a sudden.

She told him her life story.

Her father was a bad man. He lived a secret life that tore up his marriage to her mother. He left jessica a lot of money in his will but her step mother lied and forged a fake will. Jessica had depression but she was not manic. She has trust issues due to childhood trauma. Her stepmother would constantly use Jessica's mental problems against her. She would say things like,

" Jessica I think you are making this up and you are asking for money. Is this your mind again. No judge would believe you. Don't waste your time anymore then mine. "

Jessica gets a check every month from the government for 1010.00 to live on but it cost money to live.

Some companies screwed her out of money and then mocked her like her stepmother.

" Now Jessica, are you crazy enough to think you can win the lottery by suing us? "

They stole from jessica. She was not making anything up. She had a contract and paperwork to prove it but she could not afford a lawyer.

Tom wished he had not judged her. Her poverty was due to constant abuse. 

He wanted to help her. He called Fred because Fred had a million lawyers on standby. Fred knew a lawyer who would take her case and not charge her till she was paid. 

A nice lawyer who was smart named Rightly Wise took her case. When he looked into her father's will he found out that the will jessica had , was tampered with. It was beyond easy to fix. The stepmother was guilty of money laundering. 

So was the bank and the company who handled it. 

Jessica received all of her money. The total was close to 50 trillion usd .

Mr. Wise took on the companies who had wronged her and she was giving compensation for her losses and restitution.

Jessica was free from being harassed and abused by the world around her. 

Tom asked jessica how she could get a check from the government if she was only depressed and stressed out.

She said 

" I have a tumor. I could die and I'm blind in my right eye. So I don't drive. "

Tom knew then that he loved her. 

He did care if she died. 

Tom did not say anything else. He held her tighter. That night he text a friend that he knew from a country club he attended. The man was a famous surgeon named Perfocker Timinggale.

The surgeon knew of a specialist who knew everything about tumors and avms. 

So Tom took jessica to a doctor that removed her avm without cutting her open or bringing more harm to her. Tom found a doctor who gave Jessica back her eyesight.

Jessica fell in love with Tom and they were married within a year. 

They lived happily ever after. 

More hillside bs from Hollywood by Jessica Singleton

They keep children in the after party room for the elite who can pay for that secret set of China.

I am not a criminal, so I don't get a white glove invitation lined with talcum and last night's evidence.

Eat your own words from your own films.

I'm not interested in the special carpet to Story time and I could careless about who is  who.

I would rather spend my night with great company in the black and white paper. 

Hollywood racism detector by Jessica Singleton

Hollywood is a dirty whore tonight

Pointing with a crooked finger.

 Hoping for a litany from the damned. 

You'll see nothing. 

You'll know nothing. 

The only thing you'll 

get is everything 

you sent out. 

Walk backwards 

so you don't have to 

look over your shoulder

 the rest of your life 

make another promise 

I'm watching you-

Compromise your own problems

 with other people's lives.

Your brain cells must be kite strings in a tornado .

watching you think through your own decisions is a basket filled with gluttony and depravity.

You are your own joke reel.

Your karma will mock your echoing death scream on screen.

No one will save you.

It's all in fates hands now.

I'm not a part of your life.

Christmas Wishlist

Someone asked me what I wanted for Christmas?

I did not think anyone would ask me that again.

To be honest, it was not an offer. 

It was s conversational pierce.

That doesn't bother me.

Anyway-

Here lately all I have thought about is my situation and that is actually what I want.

Meaning I want 

1. My freedom back permanently 100%

2. My redemption 

3. My money back permanently  100%

4. I want my eyesight back permanently 

5. I want perfect health 

6. I want the full truth to come out about my situation 100%.

7. I never want anyone stealing from any aspect of my life again 

Now if that question about materialistic Christmas gift wishlist was a real question-

This is what I want on my list-

1. A 24 pack of Pepsi 

2. White chocolate covered pretzels 

3. One of those metal buckets they sell at Christmas with popcorn in it. It's pre made

4. A candle 

5. A new blanket for my bed that is big enough to cover my bed completely.

6. A photo album 

7. A new diary 

🎄🌲🎄🌲🎄🌲⭐️

I don't think I would milk using anyone.

I really don't know how to answer a question like that. 

Today was my birthday

Today was my 39th Birthday and it was great. I usually have a bad day. I mean my typical day.

Yesterday someone bought me fried pickles.

In my opinion fried pickles are one of the greatest inventions.

I had roast and broccoli for dinner.

June brought me a chocolate sheet cake and vanilla ice cream.

It was amazing.

Snow Globe by Jessica Singleton

Fictional Story 

Anne was walking with her mother and father in the downtown shopping center. She was looking at all the decorated shop windows.

Anne saw a shop window filled with crystals , vintage ornaments, candy and snow globes.

It was an import store.

A beautiful place that looked like magic.

Anne asked her mother if they could go into the store.

Her mother agreed.

It was the holidays and the store was intriguing.

The store was clean and sparkling with vintage blown glass displays of Christmas and hanukkah decorations .

The couple that owned the store , was old and dressed like they stepped out of a children's story book.

The woman had a beautiful ruby ring that looked like a blown glass ornament from Europe.

Anne looked around and then she found a beautiful snow globe with an undecorated Christmas tree 🎄 in it. When the snow globe turned upside down, it sprinkled glitter, snow , and tiny birds. It was beautiful.

Anna loved birds.

She asked her mother if she could have it for Christmas?

Her mother smiled and said ask santa.

The kind old woman stepped up and handed Anne a shiny new penny.

She told Anne, there is a wishing well outside. Santa hears everything. Make  a wish and santa will know.

Anne smiled and her mother bought her a candy bar. 

It was milk chocolate with almonds.

Anne went to the wishing well and she wished that for Christmas, 

She would get 

1. A new doll

2. Some chocolate 

3. A beautiful snow globe 

4. A new bear

On Christmas Eve day,

Anne was in her daddy's truck with her parents. They were driving around delivering Christmas cards to a few local people from their church.

When a tree fell over and landed in front of them.

The tree did not come close to touching them or anyone else. The roads were clear. An old man stepped out from the woods.

He was the shop keeper.

He apologized for his tree and said,

I'm very sorry that my tree fell over , I can have that moved within a minute. I think one of my animals tried to climb the tree and they must have knocked it down. 

Anne looked over and saw a real reindeer standing by the side of the road.

Anne said,

Mommy look. But her mother was not paying attention.

The next morning Anne opened her gifts.

Her mother bought her a beautiful snow globe. Her grandmother bought her clothes. Her father brought her a new bear. And her grandfather brought her a beautiful doll. 

Her stocking was filled with a new bracelet, a toy cat, chocolate, almonds, candy canes, and jellybeans.

Someone knocked on the door.

Anne's father answered the door. It was the shop keeper and his wife.

They felt so horrible about what happened with the tree 🌲. They were worried that they scared Anne.

Anne was perfectly fine.

The couple brought Anne a Christmas gift.

The gift was a snow globe made just for Anne. It was of a Pegasus. When the globe turned upside down, the horse with wings took flight. An oil and water effect brought nighttime to light. The snow globe turned dark blue with glitter stars and a silver moon.

They told Anne she was a princess. That every little girl is a princess and deserves a white horse.

The box was filled with chocolate candies and two tiny thin dolls. It was beautiful.

Anne was so happy.

The End 

The perfect man is the gingerbread man

This is just random blogging about my personal opinion of the perfect man.

No one is perfect but if they were perfect for me.

I don't think hair color, or skin color  changes much or really can be determined. I don't think of hair color as much. I have a thing for dark hair. 

I would be extremely or completely attracted to him.

The body is not that important to me. 

I don't want to be taller then him. I don't care how tall he is but I would prefer him taller then me. 

He would understand me.

I feel like I have to speak up to get people to hear me and then I feel like I have to spell everything out. I feel alone and I feel like no one cares. So I would like him to pay attention to me. I want him to understand me completely. I don't want him to spell that out. I want to feel it.  

The way he talks to me in any situation would be different than the way he talks to other women or his friends.

He would not look at other woman the way he looks at me. 

If a woman called him, he would tell her he was with me. Then he would hang up on her. 

He does not have to wear cologne but he would take a bath and he would keep up with himself.

He would not have a mountain man beard. I'm not into santa . He can have as much arm and body hair as he can stand but no heavy beards. It is not my thing. 

He does not have to be religious but if he was it would be great. I just don't want someone who is ignorant and shoving the concept of their own belief down my throat. 

He would want to spend a lot of time with me and he would not hate or dislike spending time with me.

He would not be awkward or silly.

He would never raise a hand to me or yell at me.

He would think that I was beautiful, even without makeup.

He would not be racist. 

He would not be stuck up with a bad attitude.

He would know what he was doing because he would be experienced.

He would not slobber or stink.

He would be firm with me but delicate and gentle.

He would not rush anything.

He would take his time with me.

He would never cheat and he would never help someone hurt me. 

But if he was unhappy,

He would just leave me. 

He would have the decency of breaking up with me.

He would never be mean to me.

He would want me, and he would not have aids. 

He would never use me.

He'd have his own life.

He would never abandon me.

I could trust him.

He would never expect me to be perfect but I would be perfect to him. 

He would not be annoyed by the idea of comforting me.

In fact he could not wait to wrap himself around me. 

The way he would be with me would seem like a fairytale.

He would not force me but he would lead and he would take control of me. 

He would never do to me what everyone else in the world did to me.

He would make me feel welcome to be around. 

He would never make me cry, even in his nightmares.

He would be my friend and my lover.

He would have a relationship with me like Dracula had with his only love. Without one of us dying though. 

Happy National Cookie 🍪 Day

This is a blessed Day because it's in honor of cookies everywhere. That is important. Everyone loves cookies. 

So Happy National Cookie Day!