Thursday, May 31, 2018

The book of pages

I walked into town while ago. I checked my balance at the ATM.
Either someone stole my ssi payment or the social security people are not doing their  job. 
Blown glass looks like the ice in far away countries. So distant- it's a blur and fragile. One change and it shatters the universe until the world is left forever changed in form. 

I feel like no matter what my answer is- I get the buzzer.
Like that guy in ghost busters who was psychic but he was not the pretty blonde.

I am thirsty and I have a lot of things going through my mind.

I want my life back. 
There is nothing normal about this.
It really is not okay. 

I don't like the way I am treated.
In fact I hate the way people allow crap to happen to you and then they tell you that you deserve it. 

Someone said I was dead to them tonight. 

My hand is hurting again.




















pretty distraction

I have been keeping odd hours lately. I don't completely understand myself sometimes but I'm stressed out. 
I just want my freedom back and redemption would be nice. 
I hope I never have to know what it feels like to be rapped again for the rest of my life. 
I get paid early because the 3 rd of June falls on a weekend. 
Strange things have been happening in life for a while. 
I have been abused and constantly lied to. Adam blames the president. Everyone talks about everything. I hear that people are to blame for my misfortunes and downfalls. Before I have done anything about it- they then say that I have slandered them for pointing out who abused me. I would not know. I mean- yes I was abused but I did not know it was caused by anything short of irony. I write in diaries. I have to report my situation. I assumed that I should give the police as much information as possible to go on. I told them what I have on the situation. Then I am told that I got the abuse right but that I got the abuser wrong. As though I have botched a huge case. Where is the sting because this has been going on for years. It's annoying and it's scaring the crap out of me. I know that I have reported the right abuse. I'm not insane yet but I am sorry if I have tagged the wrong person for what was initially done to me. Something is wrong with my life right now. I don't think things are running as they should. 
I just want my freedom back. Not for two minutes or ten years. I want my freedom back. 

My wish list-

1. My complete freedom permanently 

( not to be taken away in the future )

2.  Redemption 

3. Full Truth 

4. Life 

5. Fresh Air 

6. To never be rapped again 

7. I want my own boyfriend 

8.  I don't want to be neglected again 

9. I don't want to be cheated on again 

10. I don't want to be abused anymore 

11. I want to move but not through force 

12. I want my life back 

13. I want someone that I can talk to 

14. I want to eat and drink clean food and beverages 

I don't want anyone putting anything in my food or drink 

15. I do NOT want anyone brainwashing me

16. I don't want anyone causing me brain damage 

No the cops are not the ones who think I am botching an investigation. I feel awkward and out of place. I hate going through this. If they expect me to sleep they should never stress me out. This is not okay. 







Tuesday, May 29, 2018

The difference between a promise and a wish?

" Today is the greatest day. " - The Smashing Pumpkins

I guess headaches are like the color wheel.
There are variations and different levels.
It all depends on what your credit scores reflect.

I am having another one of those amazing days.

Parkway Drive has really great music. I'm now a fan.
I'm serious. 



My tattoos and my hands




















I don't have blue hair right now. That one picture is older. It's from 2016.

Pictures of my house and me





















Happy


































Apology to the Ford company

I have no idea why I have half the problems that I do but- it has made me more paranoid than I already am.

Yesterday I accused the Ford Mustang company of wanting to attack me.  I misunderstood what I read.

I am sorry.
I actually don't have a problem with their company.
I'm embarrassed now.
They never attacked me.
For whatever it's worth/
I do love their cars.

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Love pitch black

I can see only through
one side of windows.
I know that you can see
out of the other side.
You don't know what I know-
And in return
I really don't know anything
about you at all.
You spend your time-
with everyone that you don't know.
I spend my time with the idea of anyone
who would actually love me.
As long as they look like you.
Because I can't put you on my side.
All you hear is the storm.
And all the water-
It rains and my drips
Look more like children
dancing down the sidewalk.
No !
Actually I tried to hold my tears back.
But I'm not that strong.
A little of me dripped
and stained the pallet.
I still love only you.
But I'm learning to except the truth.
So now I find great company
 in other people
who look nothing like you.
I'm sorry but I can't keep
leading myself on.
😰💋💋💋💋👽

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Paradise

Begin again but not with
the reverse of the mind.
Open book
Open mind
Translucent perception
Like the stained palette of water colors
Depicting a river
I found freedom and redemption in myself


                             1

I finally settled with that company.
Mostly because the issue was brought
to their attention.
Let me be more clear.
So this is accurate and none obnoxious.
The issue was brought to someone else's
attention. So the main company had no
other choice but to own up to the problem.
So it was brought to their attention.
I paid everything off. I moved too.
That is where my story begins.
I did not die.
I think people assume that you fall off the face of the earth
just because you refuse to talk to anyone.
I think people forget that you do have other things going on..
Even when you do nothing and you stay in bed-
You do exist. You just don't talk about why.
It's better that way.
They would feel worse if they knew anything about you.
I finally had redemption, freedom, money and I was not being attacked. Even I was allowed to live in the world. Those people who oppressed me are the type to be inhuman to anything that moves.
They seem to think every single person should constantly struggle and starve.
I think people like that are a headache and annoying.
They were so violently humiliated and exposed that they were never able to start abusing me again.

It took me a little while to get used to not being recognized in public.
I was not in a small town anymore.
So I was just another face on the street.
I still wanted to feel like I had privacy.
So I moved into a house that was separated from city noise and neighbors.

I found a newly built house that did not need repairs.
I'm glad because I got sick of every thing in my life being used and broken.
Everything was clean and perfect.

I actually got a cat. I also got a tiny dog.
The dog I named gum drop.
The cat I named twinkle.
I celebrated my 39th birthday in my new house.
I found a boyfriend that actually did not want to run. He was with me.
Some of my things I kept from the other house.

Anyway I was contacted by a publishing company two weeks after the move.
They offered me money for my writing. I sold all of my collections for 9. 7 billion dollars.
My inheritance from the pathetic company was 68 billion dollars.
Then once my birth right was brought to knowledge I was allotted 979 trillion dollars.


That was the value of the dollar after I paid taxes and it was in my USA bank account.

So I was not screwed on the value of transfer.

I was able to find a therapist who knew what they were doing.
I even learned to sleep at night again.

Anyway that dumb singer who had caused me all these problems thought that she could get away with more. I think she actually assumed that since the big noise was over that no one would know any better. She probably thought she could pull a Houdini and steal my life.
She thought wrong.
The truth was so loud that she did not even get to disrupt my day with her b.s.
I pressed charges and she paid me 1.3 trillion dollars in damages. She went to jail and I got my freedom back.
Life was clean again.
I lived to the age of 95.

Sunday, May 20, 2018

The flutter of wings

I don't know why I don't sleep.
Today I signed a piece of paper that
I think I should never have signed.
Whatever that is I will either forget
Or I will become paranoid about.

So I should write something.

Why?

Prove I am me.



tinnitus

By

Jessica Singleton

I walk in the dark
when I cannot sleep.
My shadows scream
white noise and display
the flutter of wings.
They build cities inside
my mind-
Pardon my ignorance
but I can't sit while
they persecute my honesty.
Lack of tolerance for your 
lack of tolerance .
It crawls inside of me
Clawing it's way to the 
incinerator
And I become my 
own purgatory.
I'm expected to tell 
everyone that I
don't believe in the rules 
because I don't
break the rules 
like everyone else.
Sadly everyone else is 
the problem
and the only thing 
wrong with me is
the fact that I actually 
read the rules before 
I translated them 
into bullshit...


A cat named Valium

By

Jessica Singleton

I went for a drive up to the cost yesterday.
I spent the day in the grey sky.
I needed the time alone.
I ate in my car.
I was listening to David Bowie.
I picked up a newspaper.
The worlds idea of news -
Sounds more like a reply to a rhetorical question.
I get tired of waiting for answers.
But when I calm down and my paranoia subsides...
The truth is calming and permanent.
I just can't hear over my anxiety attacks.
I'm learning to live in a world that can't understand me.
I'm not that bad or annoying.
Actually I only got the dirty look from ignorance because I said no.
No one wants to hear that you are not pleased or that you don't agree.
No one said that they could not have their own opinion.
I just said I had my own too.

I got my own freedom and redemption when I let myself breathe...

The End

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

My personal interests

I got hacked on penzu and the penzu company does not seem to care. So I am putting up my personal interests here.

Favorite poems

1. Alone by Poe
2. Tragedy by J.S
3. My wars are laid away in books by Emily Dickinson
4. Hope is the thing by Emily Dickinson
5. Jack by Billy Collins
6. A Dream within a Dream by Poe
7. The Jailer by Sylvia Plath
8. The Garden of Love by William Blake


Favorite books or stories

1. The Pit & the Pendulum by Poe
2. To Kill A Mocking Bird by Harper Lee
3. Blaze by King
4. The Stranger by Camus
5. Along Came A Spider by James Patterson
6. The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams
7.  Full Dark no Stars by Stephen King
8. Horton hears a Who by Dr.Seuss
9. The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss
10. Questions about Angels by Billy Collins
11. Horoscopes for the Dead by Billy Collins
12. A Thin Dark Line by Hoag
13. Teacher by Helen Keller


Favorite artist

1. Brian Froud
2. Paul Booth
3. Chris Mars
4. Escher
5. Mark Ryden


Favorite music
Tool , New kids on the block ,Metallica , Nine Inch Nails , Pink Floyd , Breaking Benjamin ,
Depeche Mode , genesis , R.E.M. , Placebo , Ozzy , Marilyn Manson


Color

Fall and winter


Things that interest me-

1.Pandora's Box
2. The Bermuda Triangle
3. Halloween
4. Vintage Cards
5. Dolls
6. Rubber faced stuffed animals
7. Ben Cooper masks
8. Glass
9. Circus stuff
10. Gum Ball Machines
11. Radko everything


People who I respect

1. Jim Henson
2. Stephen King
3. John Carpenter
4. Poe
5. Mother Teresa
5. Emily Dickinson
6. Charles Dickens
7. Ridley Scott
8. Wes Craven
9. Del Toro
10. Dr. Seuss
11. William Peter Blatty
12. George Lucas


Favorite movie

12 Monkeys
Jacob's Ladder
The Labyrinth
Legend
1408
Stand by Me
The Outsiders
Hell Boy 2
Clock work Orange
The English Patient
Annie
Halloween
The Red Dragon
 Big Fish
Batman Returns
Peewees Big Top
The never ending story


Favorite Authors

1. Stephen King
2. James Patterson
3. Albert Camus
4. Clive Barker
5. Emily Dickinson
6. Edgar Allan Poe
7. Dr. Seuss
8. Billy Collins
9. VC Andrews

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

I'm sorry but I did not do anything wrong

Open Circle 
Clouds part the shadows 
I keep under my eyes.
Kaleidoscope fantasy 
Wishful memories 
All but broken 
Because of the echo. 
Truth will fly faster than
 the speed of light.
My utopia is peaceful 
And violet .
My redemption and my freedom 
Come from the reflection of the truth.
No hand or weight will lock me in.
I'm free tonight and forever. 


When I find you 
You are not here 
Not sure why?
I'm alone most of the time.
I live in memory and picture.
I'm alive and well. 
You would never know. 
Because no one can see in brill . 
But my ticket is stamped.
And every hand shows the truth.
My ride is here at ten past one.
I would save you a seat. 
But I'm too busy looking 
Out my window.
I don't see much worth talking about.
I just feel so alone and broken.
That I don't need another reason 
To lose what little hope that I could find. 


Cleaned plastic 
They should never let you 
think that you 
Showed up to early. 
You are never in the way. 
They clean the place before 
you get there. 
I would know. 
It's the only news after the threat.
That everything is back to the 
way it should be.
You will never be upset again. 
Someone put out a lot of redemption 
and truth. 
It's okay to hope and plan again. 

Utopia

Sometimes I talk or I write randomly.
It helps me breathe and calm down.
That sounds silly.
It is.
Who cares?

Wishlist-
Things that should happen asap 

1. Julian Assange should be free 
( with redemption and apology )

2.  No one should ever lie 

3. The truth should be so loud 
That no one can ever cover it up again 

4. Food should always be clean 

5. No one in the world 
No matter how important they are 
Should have the right to violate any other 
persons Body or mind or home.

6. Banks should never help 
robbers money launder

7. No person or thing on earth 
Should be told that because no one agrees with 
Their opinion, that they have to change who they are. 

( you should be allowed to be yourself and happy 
Even if it is not in style. )

8. Books should always have a large print edition 

9. Every single day no person should feel fear or regret 

10. No one has to be mocked because they are alone 
Because feeling alone is not the feeling of loneliness 

11. No one should be threatened because they 
ask for freedom or redemption 

12. Clean food all the time no matter what 

13.  Everyone should feel like they have 
somewhere to call home. 

14. No one should ever feel like a stranger in their own house. 

15. Everyone should have at least two friends. 
Someone that they can turn to. 
Someone that they don't disappoint.

🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🔮🔮🔮🔮🇮🇱🇮🇱🇮🇱🇮🇱🗝🗝🗝🗝🌈💞🔑🌙🐒🎃🎃🎃💊⚱️

Monday, May 7, 2018

Spatula

I was walking down a clear path one night. I
needed to breathe fresh air and I wanted to relax.
I'm full of stress and regret.
I'm sick of being abused by my own paranoia.
I found this wooded road. It went on for about a mile.
I don't know why I felt like walking so far.
Most people would just turn around and leave.
But I'm not most people.
I saw an abandoned railroad track.
The tracking ended abruptly because
there has not been a train in over 40 years.
Not in this town.

So anyway the path lead to a graveyard.
The graveyard was old.
Forgotten lost souls.
I picked some wild flowers and
 I put them on a child's grave.
A child who had been dead for over thirty years.
I sat on a rock.
I chewed a stick of gum and I
realized I was st my little sisters grave.
I don't know why but I kept wanting to wake up.
I was not dreaming.
I was finally seeing the truth.
The truth that I lied to myself about.

Friday, May 4, 2018

Mirror Slippers

" Everything worth handing with care , is probably fragile and more than likely made from glass. Except emotions and intentions. Those are priceless & They can cause more harm than a hurricane. " - JS



" I woke up the other night from a dream where I was flying like a bird. I don't remember how. I felt free. That is what I was thinking. That it was so easy and painless. I was graceful and I looked so seamless. Like a professional ballet dancer. When I woke up I felt refreshed as though I had emerged from a deep sleep after practically losing my mind to the mad states of insomnia. I won my battles and I was never to be a passenger in the arms of insanity again. The truth will set you free. " - JS

Mirror Slippers
By Jessica Singleton

Anne was sitting on her bed with crayons spilled all around her. She was coloring in a coloring book. Her cat was sleeping by her side. Her mother was cleaning the kitchen. Anne wanted a cookie. Her mother had a beautiful glass cookie jar that sat on the kitchen counter. The cookie jar was filled with sugar cookies and homemade gumdrops.
So Anne went into the kitchen. Anne's mother was in the other room on the telephone. The cookie jar glistened like frosted crystal in the twinkling sunlight. Anne climbed into a chair and she reached into the cookie jar. Somehow she accidentally knocked the cookie jar off the counter. The cookie jar shattered into a lot of pieces when it clanked to the floor. Anne's mother came into the kitchen.

Anne what are you doing?

I'm sorry mommy, I broke the jar.

Oh Anne , let me help you away from there so you don't get cut.

I'm sorry.

Well it's just cookies but they are covered in glass and now you can't eat them. We can make new cookies that are not dirty. Cookies don't matter. You matter. But next time ask. I made those cookies for you. No one else is going to eat your cookies. You don't have to be in such a hurry. But Anne, you have to be careful with things that you care about. Because if you break anything in life that you care about, then it's destroyed and broken. Once you break something, you lose it forever.

Yes I understand now.

Anne's mother took her back to her coloring books and crayons.



                                2


Anne woke up from a bad dream again. She kept having the same dream. In her dream she was standing in a skyscraper building, staring out a mirrored window. She was waiting on something she did not understand. When she saw her mother in the parking lot below. Anne's mother could not see her standing up in the window. Anne looked over and she saw an airplane with something wrong with it. The plan was going to crash and it looked like it would hit her mother. The frantic of paranoia slammed hard and made her throat feel tight and dry. Anne started to wave and scream for her mothers attention but her mother couldn't see Anne's warning. Nor could Anne's mother hear her. The moment of death is without a doubt breathless and it is in the blink of an eye . Anne had to watch her mother die. The dream sadly for Anne was a memory.
Something Anne will never forget.
Not for the rest of her life.

Anne lived with her father and her stepmother. Her father remarried about five years after her mother died. Her stepmother was a snobby uptight perfectionist. Her father was always away working and did not care what happened in his own house as long as it did not interfere with his schedule. Anne's father had a lot of money due to lawsuits that he won. Anne's father had a net worth of 900 billion dollars a year for a take home income.

Anne had a jewelry box that sat on her Chester drawers. The jewelry box was white with tiny kittens on it. It had a dancing ballerina inside. Most of Anne's jewelry was plastic but she did own a rare locket. The locket had been in Anne's mothers side of her family for a long time. The name on the locket was Nouveau. Anne had her own room. Her five step sisters shared a room upstairs. Her step sisters had nothing to do with Anne. They were jealous of her. They hated her because they were pitiful and obnoxious. One sister was ugly and stupid. One of her stepsisters was thin and looked like a flag should hang from her ears. The other sister acted like a human mirror. She was more like the family dog. Always trying to mimic something in hopes to pull some fleet of magic. But her sister was not magical and you can never be two different people at one time. So her tricks never worked.
Her stepmother would watch how cruel her daughters were to Anne and she would laugh and she would look away. Anne's father was never home enough to notice. Then one day Anne came home and her stepmother told her bad news. Anne's father died of health problems. Anne's mother tried to rob Anne of her inheritance. Anne's mother allowed her other daughters to steal to. Anne was eventually turned into a maid in her own house. Her stepmother would make comments about how much everyone did for Anne. How she was a burden on everyone. It was a job to take care of a person that is not related to you. And they could all just throw Anne into state care. Then she would be poorly threaded until they threw her out on the street. Sometimes her stepmother would say weird things to her. She would say that if Anne ever were handed into state care that Anne would probably die.
 Anne stopped speaking until she said yes or no. No one had much to do with her anyway. Not until they yelled for Anne to jump into their approval.  Anne hurried to get her chores done. Then she would run to her room and read books. She would listen to music. Her favorite band was Tool and Marilyn Manson. Anne's favorite movie was 1408. Anne's favorite color was purple. And her favorite author was Margery Williams and Anne O'Brian.
Anne had a poster above her bed of Escher 's hand with the glass ball.
She had a stuffed teddy bear and a stuffed rabbit on her bookshelf. Her bookshelf was over loaded with novels.


                                3

   Anne was walking down the hallway towards the lunch room. Her dumb sisters were talking loudly again with their friends. Sometimes Anne thought that her sisters talked so loudly for everyone else's benefit rather than their own. Which would explain their empty conversations. They just wanted to be seen.

Anne had two friends.
They thank goodness were nothing like her sisters. There was a boy that everyone thought was cute. He was tall with dark hair. His name was William. Anne thought that he was cute too but she did not have anything to say to him. Besides she wanted to work hard so she could get a scholarship to go to college. Even though her father had money. Anne was not going to bet on her stepmother.

When everyone was seated in the lunch room eating, Anne had to get up to get a fork. Anne's dumb sister tripped her so she would fall. But Anne accidentally bumped into William. William hardly spilled a tiny splash of water on a girl he liked named cheo. Cheo was upset. Although cheo was a moron who would probably be upset if the wind blew. William spun around and he yelled loudly enough to draw everyone's attention to Anne.
What is wrong with you? You like hitting people? You practically injured cheo and you almost destroyed my lunch. Other people have to eat. You are horrible to everyone and you have upset me and cheo. I think you owe us an apology.
Anne stood up and she just walked out and she went to the bathroom.

There was a dance that fall. It was for everyone who was in the tenth grade.  Anne had money but her stepmother never gave it to her. Her stepmother took her daughters out to buy them experience dresses for a dance that would be pointless for them to attend. No one wanted them and they were just going to stand around talking loudly in hopes anyone would find them important.

Anne stayed home with a Batchman book and a Diet Pepsi.

Anne's friend Heather called her from her cellphone. She told her something that made Anne laugh.

You should have come to the dance. Oh you really missed out. You know how your sisters are always talking for other people to hear it?

Yeah.

Like it's just Ass kissing and bs so they can fit in?

Yeah.
Well they were standing to close to the stage in the gymnasium. And they were about to announce something on the microphone.
Jimmy shell was holding the mic and Carlo Michael is bossing him around. I don't understand that part but jimmy is holding the microphone and he puts his arms down while he leans over to talk to Carlo. The mic was by your sisters. They were finally talking low. I guess they tell the truth when they don't think people can hear them. Well the whole school heard their real truth. Everyone was laughing at them. They really are a load.

Thank you.


4

When Anne graduated high school she lived on her own. It did not take long for the truth to catch-up with her stepmother and stepsisters.

Anne was looked up by a lawyer. Anne was the heir to a throne and a wealthy woman. Her stepsisters and stepmother assumed they would steal Anne's birth right again. No chance of that. All the royalty was on her biological mothers side of her family. The truth came out about her childhood and how her stepmother handled her fathers money. The bank was required to give Anne back one hundred percent of the stolen money. No one could steal from Anne again. Anne's father left her 300 trillion dollars. Then on her mothers side Anne was the only living heir to a French and then an English throne. The French money that Anne received was well over 100 trillion dollars. Anne's best gift was receiving redemption and freedom from being abused and humiliated constantly by the idiot collection around her. Anne lost a lot of weight. She got her life back. No one killed Anne or lied later on about her birth right just to rob her again .

Anne met a man who did not yell at her and she lived happily ever after.

Her stepmother and stepsisters went to jail for money laundering and identity theft.
.

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

You walk through my mind

There are 3 things people always think to ask.
So I will tell you.

1. Don't eat yellow snow if you have pets that live outside.
2. Don't date a man who treats his mother badly
3. Every good house, has a cat that lives in it.
Unless you are allergic to cats. Then you would die.

Reasons to not kiss someone
1. They stink
2. They are related to you
3. You are drunk- which means you will regret it
4. They have something hidden behind your back.

Reasons to not watch television at 3 am
1. Info mercials
2. Live sex phone numbers
Because you will laugh and spit out the only caffeine left
3. Lack of sleep causes hallucinations and the only movie available at 3 am is either trippy enough or it's obnoxious and mixing hallucinations with a headache will cause insanity


Reasons I am not a stripper
1. I don't take my clothes off for strangers
2. I would trip over something
3. That would cause me to injure myself or someone else
4. I would start laughing

Best book for a first time impression

1. The Stranger by Albert Camus
2. Teacher by Helen Keller
3. Horton Hears a Who by Dr Seuss
4. The Pit and the Pendulum by Poe
5. Questions about angels by Billy Collins
6. To Kill a mocking bird by Harper Lee
7. Full dark no stars by Stephen king
8. The velveteen rabbit by Margery Williams
9. Pinocchio
10. Along came a spider by James Patterson

Saddest most beautiful song lyrics
1. No son of mine by genesis
2. Nights in white satin by the moody blues
3. Whiskey lullaby by brad paisley
4. Dear agony by breaking Benjamin
5. A day in the life by the Beatles
6. Fade to black by Metallica
7. One by Metallica
8. The unforgiven by Metallica
9. Quick sand by David Bowie
10. Run away train by soul asylum
11. It is well