You would think there would be some fancy script to use in here like gold and silver.
No such luck.
I stay in but for what it's worth.
Happy New Years.
What is a good word seek list for New Year's Eve?
1. Celebration
2. Bubbles
3. Cold Duck
4. Champagne
5. Beginning
6. Happy
7. Chocolate
8. Pickle platter
9. Flute
10. Music
11.Friends
12. Family
13. Ball
14. Times Square
15. Dick Clark
16. Mac
17. Televised
18. Cards
19. Resolution
20. Peace
🎉🎈🎈☃️🦉🌍💫🌙
Saturday, December 30, 2017
Thursday, December 28, 2017
Rain songs
I'm cold but I am out of bed.
I am boiling water.
I'm kind of hungry.
I tried to order a candle and pie off amazon
This is where it gets weird-
The candle was below 15 dollars.
The pie was under 40 dollars.
Then I get an email saying my card was declined.
I looked and amazon did show that
I got the prices right but
Amazon added on a separate charge
For 128 dollars.
The 128 went for nothing.
When I check my card statements,
They show what I meant to spend
But someone has been getting paid off my card.
The thing is
The card company is covering it up.
I reported it to the federal trade commission.
I'm pressing charges.
I am boiling water.
I'm kind of hungry.
I tried to order a candle and pie off amazon
This is where it gets weird-
The candle was below 15 dollars.
The pie was under 40 dollars.
Then I get an email saying my card was declined.
I looked and amazon did show that
I got the prices right but
Amazon added on a separate charge
For 128 dollars.
The 128 went for nothing.
When I check my card statements,
They show what I meant to spend
But someone has been getting paid off my card.
The thing is
The card company is covering it up.
I reported it to the federal trade commission.
I'm pressing charges.
Wednesday, December 27, 2017
Meet. E. Or. Threw p
I live in a cold place. I've been in my bed for days.
I did attempt to make a few phone calls.
I also tried an online approach to asking for help.
In the last week, I have heard people talking about money.
They say things about poverty.
Interesting fact
Same people have the audacity to dress down
And talk about cash and Dylan lyrics while they try to look like something that they will never be.
Intelligent
Or
Not pathetic
They steal from the poor because they have no money of their own.
Then they look down on the poor.
Because
They find it revolting that they are poor.
But they want the costumes and street talk for fashion.
They know nothing.
They literally think everything is yard sale trash from
Ungrateful losers.
That would indicate that the people
that they are talking about
Are in the wrong for complaining.
The thing is-
YO
That you stole what was not up for grabs.
You complain when you did not get
as much as someone else who stole too.
But
No one had the right to any of
that persons life.
It was not an election or competition.
So they don't have to share with you.
You are the only sore loser.
What is worse,
You mouth off
And want them to know that all those trinkets
In their house is nothing more than trash.
Although those things all have a meaning to the person who owns them.
All the people in your life have to be paid to be there and they cannot stand you.
Most of those same people may have accumulated millions in dollars
But they really did not earn it.
They are rotting off on the
inside metaphorically speaking.
They really are sh(;t
And on the outside
They have to wear a paper bag full of makeup
Just to get anyone to be
able to stand to look at them.
Those women are so nasty
They might as well come out
of a portable potty chair.
That would explain the smell.
They get paid to lie to you.
Then they want more money
from you and they complain it is not enough.
Because you make them sick.
They decided that they hate people that they don't even know.
Because they are different.
I think that is more tacky and trashy then the people that they hate.
Why?
Because
A poor man is called trash and nothing because he has no excess money.
People physically attack the poor man.
But when the poor man tells,
No one cares.
So
The ten millionth time someone rich kicks him down because he is poor,
He cusses out of pain, humiliation, and frustration.
The bum who kicked him doesn't think that there is anything wrong with what they have done.
The rich bum cannot accept a poor person telling them to stop.
So the rich bum says
That the poor man is trashy for yelling.
The poor man is out of control.
And it makes the rich person a worse person and tacky.
P.S.
All those trashy women in your life mean nothing to you.
They really are a cliche and they really are as worthless as a trinket.
How much of someone else's money did you spend on that.?
For way less you could have bought an inflated doll.
At least then it would not stink.
Besides with a doll you can get a refund when she inflates and loses shape.
I did attempt to make a few phone calls.
I also tried an online approach to asking for help.
In the last week, I have heard people talking about money.
They say things about poverty.
Interesting fact
Same people have the audacity to dress down
And talk about cash and Dylan lyrics while they try to look like something that they will never be.
Intelligent
Or
Not pathetic
They steal from the poor because they have no money of their own.
Then they look down on the poor.
Because
They find it revolting that they are poor.
But they want the costumes and street talk for fashion.
They know nothing.
They literally think everything is yard sale trash from
Ungrateful losers.
That would indicate that the people
that they are talking about
Are in the wrong for complaining.
The thing is-
YO
That you stole what was not up for grabs.
You complain when you did not get
as much as someone else who stole too.
But
No one had the right to any of
that persons life.
It was not an election or competition.
So they don't have to share with you.
You are the only sore loser.
What is worse,
You mouth off
And want them to know that all those trinkets
In their house is nothing more than trash.
Although those things all have a meaning to the person who owns them.
All the people in your life have to be paid to be there and they cannot stand you.
Most of those same people may have accumulated millions in dollars
But they really did not earn it.
They are rotting off on the
inside metaphorically speaking.
They really are sh(;t
And on the outside
They have to wear a paper bag full of makeup
Just to get anyone to be
able to stand to look at them.
Those women are so nasty
They might as well come out
of a portable potty chair.
That would explain the smell.
They get paid to lie to you.
Then they want more money
from you and they complain it is not enough.
Because you make them sick.
They decided that they hate people that they don't even know.
Because they are different.
I think that is more tacky and trashy then the people that they hate.
Why?
Because
A poor man is called trash and nothing because he has no excess money.
People physically attack the poor man.
But when the poor man tells,
No one cares.
So
The ten millionth time someone rich kicks him down because he is poor,
He cusses out of pain, humiliation, and frustration.
The bum who kicked him doesn't think that there is anything wrong with what they have done.
The rich bum cannot accept a poor person telling them to stop.
So the rich bum says
That the poor man is trashy for yelling.
The poor man is out of control.
And it makes the rich person a worse person and tacky.
P.S.
All those trashy women in your life mean nothing to you.
They really are a cliche and they really are as worthless as a trinket.
How much of someone else's money did you spend on that.?
For way less you could have bought an inflated doll.
At least then it would not stink.
Besides with a doll you can get a refund when she inflates and loses shape.
Thursday, December 21, 2017
Happy holidays to the world
I have no idea what to write in here.
I feel like the big downer anymore.
I was kind of pushed out in front of the world.
And they see me only complaining and sad.
I really don't want to ruin other
people's holiday cheer.
So here is my favorite holiday memory.
When I was a child in elementary school,
My parents had us in the car so we could deliver
Christmas cards to random friends and family.
We were in that car for what seemed like forever.
Anyway in December back then
K95fm radio would play nonstop
Christmas music.
Well they kept playing that
Feliz Navidad Christmas Carol.
So we must have heard that song ten times that day.
By the time we got back to the house,
It was on again.
My step dad had not got the car all the way up
The driveway when my sister merijo and I
Were like, let us out of the car.
Years later, when I was in my 20's ,
Merijo, one of her friends Christie, and myself were
Driving into town.
We did not expect this.
Christie did not know about our childhood.
It was not Christmas and that
Feliz navies. Song was not on the radio.
Out of no where, Christie rolled down her
Drivers side window and she started to sing that feliz song to on coming traffic.
---/
When I was a child,
In most of the holiday movies,
There was a part where they got fruit cake as a gift.
Fruit cake was a big part of Christmas.
One day we were out, I was about 8ish and I asked my parents if we were going to pick up a fruit cake for Christmas.
Apparently they knew how nasty
A dried out loaf of gummy worms it was .
They both were like
No...
My favorite Christmas was the
year my sister got an Alf doll.
Because I got a lot of barbies.
Happy holidays
☃️☃️☃️☃️🕎🎁
I feel like the big downer anymore.
I was kind of pushed out in front of the world.
And they see me only complaining and sad.
I really don't want to ruin other
people's holiday cheer.
So here is my favorite holiday memory.
When I was a child in elementary school,
My parents had us in the car so we could deliver
Christmas cards to random friends and family.
We were in that car for what seemed like forever.
Anyway in December back then
K95fm radio would play nonstop
Christmas music.
Well they kept playing that
Feliz Navidad Christmas Carol.
So we must have heard that song ten times that day.
By the time we got back to the house,
It was on again.
My step dad had not got the car all the way up
The driveway when my sister merijo and I
Were like, let us out of the car.
Years later, when I was in my 20's ,
Merijo, one of her friends Christie, and myself were
Driving into town.
We did not expect this.
Christie did not know about our childhood.
It was not Christmas and that
Feliz navies. Song was not on the radio.
Out of no where, Christie rolled down her
Drivers side window and she started to sing that feliz song to on coming traffic.
---/
When I was a child,
In most of the holiday movies,
There was a part where they got fruit cake as a gift.
Fruit cake was a big part of Christmas.
One day we were out, I was about 8ish and I asked my parents if we were going to pick up a fruit cake for Christmas.
Apparently they knew how nasty
A dried out loaf of gummy worms it was .
They both were like
No...
My favorite Christmas was the
year my sister got an Alf doll.
Because I got a lot of barbies.
Happy holidays
☃️☃️☃️☃️🕎🎁
Monday, December 18, 2017
Sapphire Butterfly 🦋
When
By
Jessica Singleton
When everyone is ready
Then we will all know
That you finally have what
you do not need at all.
What you need is not up to me.
All you want is whoever is
Willing to jump at your commands
Another leash that only traps you.
They all fill the void.
Because you don't want to make time
To settle down with what is the missing piece.
You just walk away to the boardwalk
You lingered there and now when you
Finally take the time to go home
Your home will be empty.
My eyes are kaleidoscopes tonight
Everyone can see it.
Everyone but you.
Because you never cared at all.
You were never there when it
really mattered the most.
And you're not sorry.
That would explain your intentions
But if you ever cared about me
Then you could at least be sorry
that I got hurt.
💔
I'm so angry
Silent inside
You would never see the clouds brewing
Thin sheet of ice
I'm afraid more of what this is going to cause
Of how damaged I am.
I'm afraid I will go hysterical
And go off on the wrong person
Everyone seems to enjoy my pain
More than what they enjoy paying for it.
I have enough lines on my hands to navigate a new world
Didn't they tell you
It's a high wire act.
I'm on display
But the sad story
Is that I'm the only one not acting.
I can walk
I will find my way
Then the curtain will expose the 3 ring show
And I will be free.
🦋🦉
Opal colored intentions
By
Jessica singleton
I read about the ingredients to little girls once
My mother mapped out the universe
With a flying goose and a Beatles song about an octopus garden.
Little girls were made of nice things.
I did not understand that until I became a woman
Then I could understand the antinuclear difference
Between nice and not nice at all
Little men are the opposite of everything that is
Considered text book theory.
I myself will not stand for nonsense as a grown woman who still believes in fairytales.
The opal kingdom
By
Jessica singleton
She had eyelashes that could take flight.
She lived and survived the revolution.
The truth was set free on a Sunday afternoon.
The sky was the darkest shade of wine.
Her story that brought her home started before the war broke out.
I heard she wore crystals and pewter.
But her bones and her heart were the only things made from glass.
It is a fact that gargoyles stood on
castles to ward off evil.
Some keep dragons but
This queen kept mermaids in a
sea outside her castle.
When anyone approached the castle gates
The mermaids would leap out of the water and turn into song birds.
Their enchanted wind chimes would alert
The queen that a knight was near.
By
Jessica Singleton
When everyone is ready
Then we will all know
That you finally have what
you do not need at all.
What you need is not up to me.
All you want is whoever is
Willing to jump at your commands
Another leash that only traps you.
They all fill the void.
Because you don't want to make time
To settle down with what is the missing piece.
You just walk away to the boardwalk
You lingered there and now when you
Finally take the time to go home
Your home will be empty.
My eyes are kaleidoscopes tonight
Everyone can see it.
Everyone but you.
Because you never cared at all.
You were never there when it
really mattered the most.
And you're not sorry.
That would explain your intentions
But if you ever cared about me
Then you could at least be sorry
that I got hurt.
💔
I'm so angry
Silent inside
You would never see the clouds brewing
Thin sheet of ice
I'm afraid more of what this is going to cause
Of how damaged I am.
I'm afraid I will go hysterical
And go off on the wrong person
Everyone seems to enjoy my pain
More than what they enjoy paying for it.
I have enough lines on my hands to navigate a new world
Didn't they tell you
It's a high wire act.
I'm on display
But the sad story
Is that I'm the only one not acting.
I can walk
I will find my way
Then the curtain will expose the 3 ring show
And I will be free.
🦋🦉
Opal colored intentions
By
Jessica singleton
I read about the ingredients to little girls once
My mother mapped out the universe
With a flying goose and a Beatles song about an octopus garden.
Little girls were made of nice things.
I did not understand that until I became a woman
Then I could understand the antinuclear difference
Between nice and not nice at all
Little men are the opposite of everything that is
Considered text book theory.
I myself will not stand for nonsense as a grown woman who still believes in fairytales.
The opal kingdom
By
Jessica singleton
She had eyelashes that could take flight.
She lived and survived the revolution.
The truth was set free on a Sunday afternoon.
The sky was the darkest shade of wine.
Her story that brought her home started before the war broke out.
I heard she wore crystals and pewter.
But her bones and her heart were the only things made from glass.
It is a fact that gargoyles stood on
castles to ward off evil.
Some keep dragons but
This queen kept mermaids in a
sea outside her castle.
When anyone approached the castle gates
The mermaids would leap out of the water and turn into song birds.
Their enchanted wind chimes would alert
The queen that a knight was near.
Friday, December 15, 2017
House alone
I'm not sure what to say.
🍭
Chris had a concert yesterday on the 14th of December. I text merijo and let her know that I would not be there.
I stayed home last night alone.
I've been moody lately.
No I am not getting a cold sore.
I have been enjoying homemade potato soup.
It's a simple version thrown together .
It is warm and it fills up my belly.
I don't make it for leftovers.
2 potatoes 🥔 peeled and cut.
2 long celery sticks diced up.
1 red / purple onion diced up
Fresh garlic
Salt and pepper
And 2 tablespoons of sour cream
Oh and water 💦
I ate a really yummy pie the other day.
I picked the dark half back up.
I feel like a little Emily Dickinson.
She always makes me feel better.
Or at least not alone.
Words of thought
Love feels like a feather.
Like you could fly
Until reality introduces itself
Then you feel like your falling again.
Only this time you're not in a dream.
I am so cold these days.
My circulation must need work
because my fingers and feet are the coldest.
I should get a copy right on the newer writing that I've done.
Song choice based on lyrics
Creep
And
Working c h
Maybe
Red rain
🦉
🍭
Chris had a concert yesterday on the 14th of December. I text merijo and let her know that I would not be there.
I stayed home last night alone.
I've been moody lately.
No I am not getting a cold sore.
I have been enjoying homemade potato soup.
It's a simple version thrown together .
It is warm and it fills up my belly.
I don't make it for leftovers.
2 potatoes 🥔 peeled and cut.
2 long celery sticks diced up.
1 red / purple onion diced up
Fresh garlic
Salt and pepper
And 2 tablespoons of sour cream
Oh and water 💦
I ate a really yummy pie the other day.
I picked the dark half back up.
I feel like a little Emily Dickinson.
She always makes me feel better.
Or at least not alone.
Words of thought
Love feels like a feather.
Like you could fly
Until reality introduces itself
Then you feel like your falling again.
Only this time you're not in a dream.
I am so cold these days.
My circulation must need work
because my fingers and feet are the coldest.
I should get a copy right on the newer writing that I've done.
Song choice based on lyrics
Creep
And
Working c h
Maybe
Red rain
🦉
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
It is my birthday no longer my unbirthday
Today is my 38 th birthday. I went out to eat Chinese food and I got a cherry 🍒 vanilla Pepsi. I got a gas station cinnamon roll. I'm stuffed right now or I would eat the donut. I'm not happy. Today was great but I am going through some stuff that is up setting me.
I just keep getting abused. No I don't have to take it.
I can press charges.
I finished reading The People vs Alex Cross by J.P last night.
It was amazing.
I read the Black Cat by poe again last night too.
Today another nail polish came. I will try that mirror look again.
In between thoughts is all truths that I don't talk about. The way it makes me feel. I have a DVD that I want to watch. It's called Altered States .
I think someone was asking me what I wanted for Christmas earlier.
I have no idea.
I guess I want my freedom and my complete birth right.
Not for two minutes.
I don't want it taken from me and I don't want to share it with Hollywood or those fake rock stars.
I just keep getting abused. No I don't have to take it.
I can press charges.
I finished reading The People vs Alex Cross by J.P last night.
It was amazing.
I read the Black Cat by poe again last night too.
Today another nail polish came. I will try that mirror look again.
In between thoughts is all truths that I don't talk about. The way it makes me feel. I have a DVD that I want to watch. It's called Altered States .
I think someone was asking me what I wanted for Christmas earlier.
I have no idea.
I guess I want my freedom and my complete birth right.
Not for two minutes.
I don't want it taken from me and I don't want to share it with Hollywood or those fake rock stars.
Tuesday, December 5, 2017
Nick Niven by Jessica Singleton
Nick Niven
A fictional story
By Jessica Singleton
I can feel myself in the bottle,
When the moonlight reaches
through my eyes and pulls
those parts of me in...
I'm there unclothed and
wet from the state you left me in.
I'm floating like a black feather
Swimming inside and then my heart shaped bottle releases me and I'm free.
Niven slipped into her leather boots and wrapped herself into the black wool cloak.
Magic was a black bird that could change forms at will.
A reincarnated soul from the ashes of a mad man magician.
Magic took the form of a black horse when he escorted Niven into the night.
But magic kept the form of a bird most other days. The bird was a black raven until a human presence came near.
Then the bird became a grey shadow that would play upon your imagination.
Niven road the horse into the dark forest at night when she hunted for food. Niven was a vampire. She was alone in the world. Most her family died in the Black Plague centuries earlier. Now she lived with a ghost that took the form of animals.
It was not lonely for Niven because when you have to watch yourself lose everyone that you ever loved, then it is impossible to replace them.
Niven felt free when she was horse back riding with magic. It felt like flying. The night rushed through her and enveloped her with a sense of life, that she could only dream about.
I will come back and finish this later
A fictional story
By Jessica Singleton
I can feel myself in the bottle,
When the moonlight reaches
through my eyes and pulls
those parts of me in...
I'm there unclothed and
wet from the state you left me in.
I'm floating like a black feather
Swimming inside and then my heart shaped bottle releases me and I'm free.
Niven slipped into her leather boots and wrapped herself into the black wool cloak.
Magic was a black bird that could change forms at will.
A reincarnated soul from the ashes of a mad man magician.
Magic took the form of a black horse when he escorted Niven into the night.
But magic kept the form of a bird most other days. The bird was a black raven until a human presence came near.
Then the bird became a grey shadow that would play upon your imagination.
Niven road the horse into the dark forest at night when she hunted for food. Niven was a vampire. She was alone in the world. Most her family died in the Black Plague centuries earlier. Now she lived with a ghost that took the form of animals.
It was not lonely for Niven because when you have to watch yourself lose everyone that you ever loved, then it is impossible to replace them.
Niven felt free when she was horse back riding with magic. It felt like flying. The night rushed through her and enveloped her with a sense of life, that she could only dream about.
I will come back and finish this later
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Emily quote with reference to what is not said
I'm a fan of hers. She amazes me. Im sleepy again. Sometimes you cannot say what you want to say.
Like it's genocide.
I may not be a soldier but life feels like a war these days.
I hate the way I'm treated.
I never knew what it felt like to hate another person before.
I think I understand.
Words to make me feel
Not so alone
" I live on dread- to those who know. " - Emily Dickinson
" Hope is the thing with wings that perches in the soul. Could abash the little bird that kept so many warm. "- E.D
" My wars are laid away in books. " - E.D
" Pain has an element of blank. " - E.D
" Deprived of other banquet, I entertained myself. " - E.D
Like it's genocide.
I may not be a soldier but life feels like a war these days.
I hate the way I'm treated.
I never knew what it felt like to hate another person before.
I think I understand.
Words to make me feel
Not so alone
" I live on dread- to those who know. " - Emily Dickinson
" Hope is the thing with wings that perches in the soul. Could abash the little bird that kept so many warm. "- E.D
" My wars are laid away in books. " - E.D
" Pain has an element of blank. " - E.D
" Deprived of other banquet, I entertained myself. " - E.D
Thursday, November 23, 2017
Prime time
I don't give reservations out.
I do Not run a business at dating.
I don't meet people much.
I cannot imagine how I would meet anyone.
But if I am done with someone then I don't lead them on.
I would say something.
D is welcome when he has time.
As long as he is not the walking plague.
But now I'm alone.
There really is no relationship in my life.
I'm not happy today.
I really can do what I want with dating but I still don't see anyone.
I'm not interested in online long distance at this time.
I do Not run a business at dating.
I don't meet people much.
I cannot imagine how I would meet anyone.
But if I am done with someone then I don't lead them on.
I would say something.
D is welcome when he has time.
As long as he is not the walking plague.
But now I'm alone.
There really is no relationship in my life.
I'm not happy today.
I really can do what I want with dating but I still don't see anyone.
I'm not interested in online long distance at this time.
Thanksgiving alone at my house in Dewey
I did not see any human life today.
I have been sleeping odd hours.
I sleep mostly at day anymore.
I stay awake at night.
I am stressed out.
I was going to go see mac the dog today
But I changed my mind.
Joann and David are at the casino.
I don't know who they are in real life?
I mean to say
I don't know who they spent
Thanksgiving with today
but it was NOT me.
I have been alone all day.
I ate chicken, stuffing, pineapple and cottage cheese.
I feel healthy but I'm stressed out.
I'm alone.
No problem.
Happy thanksgiving to everyone 🦃🦉🍁🕯☕️
Here is something
It rains inside when you shut the windows.
P.S. The last time I knew of-
I never had sex with my parents.
In fact I never wanted to.
My family tree forks .
Literally all over the globe...,
So don't assume I'm retarded because I collect toys.
I'm not the one hugging everyone like Barney
I have been sleeping odd hours.
I sleep mostly at day anymore.
I stay awake at night.
I am stressed out.
I was going to go see mac the dog today
But I changed my mind.
Joann and David are at the casino.
I don't know who they are in real life?
I mean to say
I don't know who they spent
Thanksgiving with today
but it was NOT me.
I have been alone all day.
I ate chicken, stuffing, pineapple and cottage cheese.
I feel healthy but I'm stressed out.
I'm alone.
No problem.
Happy thanksgiving to everyone 🦃🦉🍁🕯☕️
Here is something
It rains inside when you shut the windows.
P.S. The last time I knew of-
I never had sex with my parents.
In fact I never wanted to.
My family tree forks .
Literally all over the globe...,
So don't assume I'm retarded because I collect toys.
I'm not the one hugging everyone like Barney
Thursday, November 16, 2017
Line from a 45 inch delusion
" When you are loved, you do not mind being hurt. " - Margery Williams
I think when nothing fits right and you are alone most of your life, I think you have an easier time contemplating things. Maybe you just need to figure out the problem because you just don't understand the world around you.
I bought a house a few months ago. I threw myself into unpacking and getting settled in. Not just to feel at home as though I had one.
But
I have been keeping my mind busy for a long time.
Something happened to me years before.
Something that ripped my life in pieces.
I think no one can understand that feeling.
They can read about it but until you experience it-
Well you'll never know.
The first night in the new place-
I put on a David Gilmour album and I soaked in a hot bath.
The pain inside made my body feel like a rusted staircase.
I just fell apart in that water.
It was unbelievable how much agony I kept locked inside of myself.
My tears could have been paid an artist wages for making stain glass windows out of the doors to my soul.
A line from David's 45-
( A Boat Lies Waiting lyrics )
Could not have said it better.
" What I lost was an ocean. "
And I felt like Oliver Twist in that coffin of a tub.
Lost and surrounded by my own life that apparently never mattered much anyway.
Not that I ever paid much attention to the world around me.
It is odd how you cannot see yourself with anyone.
After you lose people that knew you for over 30 years-
Who do you really replace them with?
Concept of a wish-
Sounds great-
But unless you are insane-
Or you are a child-
You know the truth in the back of your head.
It's impossible to want anything when nothing looks good.
Everyone in the world looks like a sugar pill after a while.
Like a buffet line of medicated moments.
But not even enough to take the edge off.
What is the point?
I got used to being alone.
Besides every time I met someone new-
I could not have wanted them less.
I did not want to abuse them and at that point I would only become mean.
Because the more I suffered through them
The more I would make them suffer through my temper.
One day I went to the mall.
I wanted to go to the bookstore.
When I got to the book nook, I bumped into a man.
I would not have believed it if I was not right there.
I fell all over myself.
I have heard of love at first sight but I never believed it.
We started talking.
He invited me to a lecture he was giving at the community center.
He taught a class on history one night out of the week.
I went.
Within a few weeks I was dating him.
I asked him about the ring on his hand.
He did not want to talk about it.
That broke my heart more than seeing the ring on his finger.
It being there could be anything but him not wanting to talk about it
Well-
Apparently I did not matter.
I probably never did.
I did not see him after that for a few nights.
I assumed it was over.
I was thinking of a song by cream called white room because of the line
" she was the kindness in the hard crowd, felt my own need just beginning."
A few nights later I came home from the store.
There was a letter on my front steps.
In the envelope with the letter was a vintage skeleton key.
He knew I liked things like that.
In his letter he said he was married years ago but his wife died in a car wreck.
He could not deal with his own loss.
To completely move on would be to say to her memory that it was over.
Then he would have to say her death meant nothing.
He told me he loved me.
That I could have a key to his life that opened every part of himself.
" In a jigsaw dream with soft spoken words- I woke up crying and no one heard. " - cyndi lauper
The end
I think when nothing fits right and you are alone most of your life, I think you have an easier time contemplating things. Maybe you just need to figure out the problem because you just don't understand the world around you.
I bought a house a few months ago. I threw myself into unpacking and getting settled in. Not just to feel at home as though I had one.
But
I have been keeping my mind busy for a long time.
Something happened to me years before.
Something that ripped my life in pieces.
I think no one can understand that feeling.
They can read about it but until you experience it-
Well you'll never know.
The first night in the new place-
I put on a David Gilmour album and I soaked in a hot bath.
The pain inside made my body feel like a rusted staircase.
I just fell apart in that water.
It was unbelievable how much agony I kept locked inside of myself.
My tears could have been paid an artist wages for making stain glass windows out of the doors to my soul.
A line from David's 45-
( A Boat Lies Waiting lyrics )
Could not have said it better.
" What I lost was an ocean. "
And I felt like Oliver Twist in that coffin of a tub.
Lost and surrounded by my own life that apparently never mattered much anyway.
Not that I ever paid much attention to the world around me.
It is odd how you cannot see yourself with anyone.
After you lose people that knew you for over 30 years-
Who do you really replace them with?
Concept of a wish-
Sounds great-
But unless you are insane-
Or you are a child-
You know the truth in the back of your head.
It's impossible to want anything when nothing looks good.
Everyone in the world looks like a sugar pill after a while.
Like a buffet line of medicated moments.
But not even enough to take the edge off.
What is the point?
I got used to being alone.
Besides every time I met someone new-
I could not have wanted them less.
I did not want to abuse them and at that point I would only become mean.
Because the more I suffered through them
The more I would make them suffer through my temper.
One day I went to the mall.
I wanted to go to the bookstore.
When I got to the book nook, I bumped into a man.
I would not have believed it if I was not right there.
I fell all over myself.
I have heard of love at first sight but I never believed it.
We started talking.
He invited me to a lecture he was giving at the community center.
He taught a class on history one night out of the week.
I went.
Within a few weeks I was dating him.
I asked him about the ring on his hand.
He did not want to talk about it.
That broke my heart more than seeing the ring on his finger.
It being there could be anything but him not wanting to talk about it
Well-
Apparently I did not matter.
I probably never did.
I did not see him after that for a few nights.
I assumed it was over.
I was thinking of a song by cream called white room because of the line
" she was the kindness in the hard crowd, felt my own need just beginning."
A few nights later I came home from the store.
There was a letter on my front steps.
In the envelope with the letter was a vintage skeleton key.
He knew I liked things like that.
In his letter he said he was married years ago but his wife died in a car wreck.
He could not deal with his own loss.
To completely move on would be to say to her memory that it was over.
Then he would have to say her death meant nothing.
He told me he loved me.
That I could have a key to his life that opened every part of himself.
" In a jigsaw dream with soft spoken words- I woke up crying and no one heard. " - cyndi lauper
The end
Monday, November 13, 2017
That Asian thing is going to pop me off.
I'm not mouthing off.
I have a weird doctor appointment on Wednesday. I am not going to kiss up to anything or anyone to get anywhere.
Strange things happen when I get up set. Now I'm hungry and I have to show off my house. I finally bought a new hair brush.
That old one came a long way from nasty.
I guess the local girls have a new punch line to play with.
I'm still in love with a fantasy.
I wonder what would happen if I got over it.
It feels so real and so right, nothing is better.
I have a weird doctor appointment on Wednesday. I am not going to kiss up to anything or anyone to get anywhere.
Strange things happen when I get up set. Now I'm hungry and I have to show off my house. I finally bought a new hair brush.
That old one came a long way from nasty.
I guess the local girls have a new punch line to play with.
I'm still in love with a fantasy.
I wonder what would happen if I got over it.
It feels so real and so right, nothing is better.
Saturday, November 11, 2017
Monday, November 6, 2017
Testament to the will of me
I do not get out much. Today I got to go to the Dollar General Store with someone.
What to say?
They left here not long after we got back.
I've been alone all day and night other than that.
I feel asleep while ago and then I watched a DVD called The Dark Tower.
It could not have been more perfect.
I'm a strong looking woman.
Because I don't talk about it.
I feel like I have had enough.
Not much to say.
I think that those people just want me around to do their dishes and they want money.
I am not rich.
I'm sickened by the way people go after me in hopes to get rich.
I cannot believe that this would keep going on as though it never happened at all.
I am doing laundry now.
Just so we are clear-
I live on my own
By myself in a house in Dewey Oklahoma.
I am not a child.
I'm not married.
I am Not begging celebrities online to talk to me.
I'm not pathetic.
Actually either someone is making up fake profiles on twitter to talk to me or people are attempting to talk to me.
I don't try to make people feel sorry for me.
Who I respect but do not know.
So I'm not obsessed.
I loaned that Merijo girl my Mummy DVD.
Anyway
I like caffeine and popcorn.
I'm just like everyone else in the world.
I don't know what this blog post. It is 2:46 AM on Monday the6th of November.
I was talking about yesterday Sunday then.
What to say?
They left here not long after we got back.
I've been alone all day and night other than that.
I feel asleep while ago and then I watched a DVD called The Dark Tower.
It could not have been more perfect.
I'm a strong looking woman.
Because I don't talk about it.
I feel like I have had enough.
Not much to say.
I think that those people just want me around to do their dishes and they want money.
I am not rich.
I'm sickened by the way people go after me in hopes to get rich.
I cannot believe that this would keep going on as though it never happened at all.
I am doing laundry now.
Just so we are clear-
I live on my own
By myself in a house in Dewey Oklahoma.
I am not a child.
I'm not married.
I am Not begging celebrities online to talk to me.
I'm not pathetic.
Actually either someone is making up fake profiles on twitter to talk to me or people are attempting to talk to me.
I don't try to make people feel sorry for me.
Who I respect but do not know.
So I'm not obsessed.
I loaned that Merijo girl my Mummy DVD.
Anyway
I like caffeine and popcorn.
I'm just like everyone else in the world.
I don't know what this blog post. It is 2:46 AM on Monday the6th of November.
I was talking about yesterday Sunday then.
Sunday, November 5, 2017
Blog about my life as of now.
I'm at home now. I went up the road while ago. Merijo drove me to the dollar store. Lewis mowed my lawn. Strange things keep happening around me. I moved back to Dewey Oklahoma a few months back. Well since I have lived here, people have been making a lot of mistakes around me. They accidentally over charge me.
Once or twice is an accident.
All the time is an episode of the twilight zone.
I got my October arvest bank statement in the mail the other day. Arvest over charged me 30 dollars.
The thing is , it was not with another transaction.
They would have had to do it separate from the other.
I am going to have to go into the bank now to handle this.
But they did it on purpose.
I feel overwhelmed and annoyed.
I want my life back.
I feel attacked and abused.
More than anything
I feel cornered.
These people are horrible to me.
Once or twice is an accident.
All the time is an episode of the twilight zone.
I got my October arvest bank statement in the mail the other day. Arvest over charged me 30 dollars.
The thing is , it was not with another transaction.
They would have had to do it separate from the other.
I am going to have to go into the bank now to handle this.
But they did it on purpose.
I feel overwhelmed and annoyed.
I want my life back.
I feel attacked and abused.
More than anything
I feel cornered.
These people are horrible to me.
Thursday, November 2, 2017
Love ❤️
captured caption
By
Jessica singleton
I went for a walk the other day.
I could feel you standing beside me.
I could almost feel my fingers running
through your hair.
It was only the wind and my imagination.
You don't know what I think
I don't talk about anything when I should.
I'm sorry you didn't know
how much you mean to me.
I'm afraid that they will take you away.
I live in a ginger cream house.
I fall asleep in silent films.
You were there too.
Because I love you.
You are a red bird.
I'm the cage.
You don't have to go away
Not unless it would make you happy.
But you make me happy when I let
myself believe that you are around.
I did not buy you.
You do not own me
But you can have me.
I wish you would.
To dwd 👽
By
Jessica singleton
I went for a walk the other day.
I could feel you standing beside me.
I could almost feel my fingers running
through your hair.
It was only the wind and my imagination.
You don't know what I think
I don't talk about anything when I should.
I'm sorry you didn't know
how much you mean to me.
I'm afraid that they will take you away.
I live in a ginger cream house.
I fall asleep in silent films.
You were there too.
Because I love you.
You are a red bird.
I'm the cage.
You don't have to go away
Not unless it would make you happy.
But you make me happy when I let
myself believe that you are around.
I did not buy you.
You do not own me
But you can have me.
I wish you would.
To dwd 👽
Monday, October 30, 2017
Perspective by Jessica Singleton
Perspective
By Jessica Singleton
To: DWD
It's funny what they say about people
who live in glass houses.
But it's funny what people in
glass houses don't see on their own.
I guess my perspective sat down
And paid my heart a visit.
I have enough regret to start a war.
I've got a broken glass.
You have no idea how much someone
means to you.
Not until they want to leave.
But once they hurt you,
Perspective turns like a kaleidoscope.
It's funny how much you put up
with when you love someone.
Especially when you realize that they
are only leaving because you are pushing
them out.
They made a mistake.
They did not leave until
you told them it was over.
He has enough of me to move
the entire world out of place.
I cannot say anything to him
That he will not turn into a compromise.
He has no idea that I actually love him.
His regret...
His fear of losing me
Sticks out from behind his eyes.
It makes me forget my own broken heart.
It makes me feel like I hurt him.
I love him to much for this.
He cannot lose me.
Not over her.
Because I don't want to lose him either.
By Jessica Singleton
To: DWD
It's funny what they say about people
who live in glass houses.
But it's funny what people in
glass houses don't see on their own.
I guess my perspective sat down
And paid my heart a visit.
I have enough regret to start a war.
I've got a broken glass.
You have no idea how much someone
means to you.
Not until they want to leave.
But once they hurt you,
Perspective turns like a kaleidoscope.
It's funny how much you put up
with when you love someone.
Especially when you realize that they
are only leaving because you are pushing
them out.
They made a mistake.
They did not leave until
you told them it was over.
He has enough of me to move
the entire world out of place.
I cannot say anything to him
That he will not turn into a compromise.
He has no idea that I actually love him.
His regret...
His fear of losing me
Sticks out from behind his eyes.
It makes me forget my own broken heart.
It makes me feel like I hurt him.
I love him to much for this.
He cannot lose me.
Not over her.
Because I don't want to lose him either.
Thursday, October 26, 2017
Crayon magic
I have been so lazy lately.
Today feels weird.
I did get the Heroine Diaries in the mail.
It came from amazon.com.
I bought myself an early birthday present.
My birthday isDecember 13 so it is sometime away.
I found out that Iron Maiden is selling a 20 dollar box with their action figure inside.
The figure is of Eddie.
He looks like a stage prop of a mummy and a skeleton.
They have the neatest stuff.
I hate talking about money and shopping anymore.
I'm not jealous.
I'm confused.
I pay my bills.
I keep my house clean.
I barely get by.
I've used my credit card not my checking account.
So if I don't have a lot of money
left over it's cause my low income
is stretched to pay bills.
I have pretty much maxed out that credit card. It still has about
700 to credit food or shopping on.
I'm not filling to go bankrupt over a credit card. I'll pay it off slowly and just not use it until I have to.
I'm sickened by bums robbing me .
Not because they are hungry.
Because they just want more money.
Then they ask how I spend my time and money?
Is that a rhetorical question?
No pun intended.
I hope the truth comes out about the JFK files.
I hope it is so loud that no one can deny it.
And justice for all.
Literally.
I don't want to hear another lie
for the rest of my life.
All the dust is painted green. Metallica lyric.
No association but complete respect.
I am lazy.
I'm an adult and I'm putting off simple things.
I'm drained.
So
My feelings
Tips
By
Jessica Singleton
People are all comedians today.
God bless it, they know the way.
They stand in my way as they
contaminate my day.
I've got more of an issue of paying attention.
I'm bad at giving a crap.
All of me has washed up shore.
But they are on time to knock at my door.
Then they repeat themselves as though the second
Quote will make me want to apologize as I say yes and thank you.
Apparently I will need a name tag on my shirt.
Cause everyone in the world is a boss and priest.
Today feels weird.
I did get the Heroine Diaries in the mail.
It came from amazon.com.
I bought myself an early birthday present.
My birthday isDecember 13 so it is sometime away.
I found out that Iron Maiden is selling a 20 dollar box with their action figure inside.
The figure is of Eddie.
He looks like a stage prop of a mummy and a skeleton.
They have the neatest stuff.
I hate talking about money and shopping anymore.
I'm not jealous.
I'm confused.
I pay my bills.
I keep my house clean.
I barely get by.
I've used my credit card not my checking account.
So if I don't have a lot of money
left over it's cause my low income
is stretched to pay bills.
I have pretty much maxed out that credit card. It still has about
700 to credit food or shopping on.
I'm not filling to go bankrupt over a credit card. I'll pay it off slowly and just not use it until I have to.
I'm sickened by bums robbing me .
Not because they are hungry.
Because they just want more money.
Then they ask how I spend my time and money?
Is that a rhetorical question?
No pun intended.
I hope the truth comes out about the JFK files.
I hope it is so loud that no one can deny it.
And justice for all.
Literally.
I don't want to hear another lie
for the rest of my life.
All the dust is painted green. Metallica lyric.
No association but complete respect.
I am lazy.
I'm an adult and I'm putting off simple things.
I'm drained.
So
My feelings
Tips
By
Jessica Singleton
People are all comedians today.
God bless it, they know the way.
They stand in my way as they
contaminate my day.
I've got more of an issue of paying attention.
I'm bad at giving a crap.
All of me has washed up shore.
But they are on time to knock at my door.
Then they repeat themselves as though the second
Quote will make me want to apologize as I say yes and thank you.
Apparently I will need a name tag on my shirt.
Cause everyone in the world is a boss and priest.
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Halloween stories by me Jessica Singleton
Everyone knows I love Halloween every thing...
So as a free for all or as a treat to whoever reads my blogs...
I will put a few of my Halloween themed stories in here for you to read.
This is early because Halloween is still a few days away.
So if I don't say this before then
Happy Halloween to the whole world.
Hector
By Jessica singleton
Once upon a time, there lived a little boy named hector.
Hector was an orphan.
Hector was soon adopted by a lovely couple who wanted a child of their own.
But the couple only wanted a child for show.
And hector soon felt more alone than he did at the orphanage.
Because the couple only clothed and fed hector. Hector never had toys to play with. And the couple ignored the boy. They would not speak to hector until they told him to do something.
Hector soon made his own toys.
He put odd bits and bulbs together from the garage. Hector painted the wooden pieces and he made them spin around.
One day when hector was playing with his spinning tops , he realized that he was able to make things move with his mind.
And in real life, those things flew.
When hector grew up, he made his own toy factory.
Because he wanted to make neat toys that were affordable for children who only have pennies.
So hector made toys that would be sold in gumball machines.
One rainy Halloween night, hector was walking home and he saw a tiny little boy crying in the rain. It broke his heart.
So hector took the child home. Hector gave the boy a candy bar and a bottle of water. Hector owned a skinny cat named mouse. Mouse was always inspecting the company. The child liked the cat.
The police told hector that the boy was abandoned.
The boy was a foster kid.
Hector could see a lot of himself in the boy.
So hector adopted the boy.
When the boy was older, he got into trouble one night and hector had to pick him up.
The boy asked hector if he was mad?
Hector said that he was worried about the boy. When they got home
Hector said are you to old for chocolate?
There was candy bars in a bowl for Halloween.
The boy ate candy.
Years later when hector died
The boy was called to take care of his things.
The boy saw all these odd looking gadgets and painted tops in hector 's room.
He did not understand until he read hector 's diary.
The End
Jack O'Lantern
By
Jessica Singleton
Carved right into the heart of the night.
Black snow flake memory.
I'm sorry but tonight is
not awakening the dawn.
I have nocturnal vision left over.
I'm alone in the house of cards.
Patience and brill wallpapers
wrapped my attempt.
Tell my whispers they haunt the trees
No one can sleep through their cackled whistles
And after all
It'd take a letter from the hands
of god to make me understand.
So as a free for all or as a treat to whoever reads my blogs...
I will put a few of my Halloween themed stories in here for you to read.
This is early because Halloween is still a few days away.
So if I don't say this before then
Happy Halloween to the whole world.
Hector
By Jessica singleton
Once upon a time, there lived a little boy named hector.
Hector was an orphan.
Hector was soon adopted by a lovely couple who wanted a child of their own.
But the couple only wanted a child for show.
And hector soon felt more alone than he did at the orphanage.
Because the couple only clothed and fed hector. Hector never had toys to play with. And the couple ignored the boy. They would not speak to hector until they told him to do something.
Hector soon made his own toys.
He put odd bits and bulbs together from the garage. Hector painted the wooden pieces and he made them spin around.
One day when hector was playing with his spinning tops , he realized that he was able to make things move with his mind.
And in real life, those things flew.
When hector grew up, he made his own toy factory.
Because he wanted to make neat toys that were affordable for children who only have pennies.
So hector made toys that would be sold in gumball machines.
One rainy Halloween night, hector was walking home and he saw a tiny little boy crying in the rain. It broke his heart.
So hector took the child home. Hector gave the boy a candy bar and a bottle of water. Hector owned a skinny cat named mouse. Mouse was always inspecting the company. The child liked the cat.
The police told hector that the boy was abandoned.
The boy was a foster kid.
Hector could see a lot of himself in the boy.
So hector adopted the boy.
When the boy was older, he got into trouble one night and hector had to pick him up.
The boy asked hector if he was mad?
Hector said that he was worried about the boy. When they got home
Hector said are you to old for chocolate?
There was candy bars in a bowl for Halloween.
The boy ate candy.
Years later when hector died
The boy was called to take care of his things.
The boy saw all these odd looking gadgets and painted tops in hector 's room.
He did not understand until he read hector 's diary.
The End
Jack O'Lantern
By
Jessica Singleton
Carved right into the heart of the night.
Black snow flake memory.
I'm sorry but tonight is
not awakening the dawn.
I have nocturnal vision left over.
I'm alone in the house of cards.
Patience and brill wallpapers
wrapped my attempt.
Tell my whispers they haunt the trees
No one can sleep through their cackled whistles
And after all
It'd take a letter from the hands
of god to make me understand.
Sunday, October 22, 2017
Coffee ☕️ Date
I don't know what I have left in me
Pertaining to writing about hope.
I don't know what is left of the life I live.
I'm not going to kill my self.
I'm not sure what makes you fall in love.
I'm not good at pronunciation or knowing about
Living.
I'm alone most of the time.
I clean stuff and I read.
I'm sad.
The depression makes you unhappy
But I've been through to much sorrow.
now all those losers are covering it all up
and what is worse,
they rub my nose in it like
I deserve to be scolded over
their lies and mistakes.
I don't deserve that anymore then I deserve
To have anything put in my food.
I don't deserve to have health problems.
I'm to young to have a heartattack or a stroke.
Pertaining to writing about hope.
I don't know what is left of the life I live.
I'm not going to kill my self.
I'm not sure what makes you fall in love.
I'm not good at pronunciation or knowing about
Living.
I'm alone most of the time.
I clean stuff and I read.
I'm sad.
The depression makes you unhappy
But I've been through to much sorrow.
now all those losers are covering it all up
and what is worse,
they rub my nose in it like
I deserve to be scolded over
their lies and mistakes.
I don't deserve that anymore then I deserve
To have anything put in my food.
I don't deserve to have health problems.
I'm to young to have a heartattack or a stroke.
Saturday, October 21, 2017
Nior Velvet Rope
That moment when you realize how close you were to the edge of the world and you just could not know.
That fear is the same after taste as regret.
I am lazy.
I hate the way I make myself feel when I think about the way I make others feel.
I need to try to sleep.
The good news is that I made a video of the oddities.
Nothing that will help enough but it keeps me from turning into Maupassant.
I have to say that now I have felt every feeling known in life.
I am sorry for anyone in the world who could possibly feel this way.
I will give quotes and save my writing for another silent blog.
" it makes me rage to think that this can go on, and whilst I am shut up here , a veritable prisoner, but without that protection of the law. Which is even a criminal's right and consolation. "- from Bram Stoker's. Dracula
" Hope is the thing with feathers. " Emily Dickinson
That fear is the same after taste as regret.
I am lazy.
I hate the way I make myself feel when I think about the way I make others feel.
I need to try to sleep.
The good news is that I made a video of the oddities.
Nothing that will help enough but it keeps me from turning into Maupassant.
I have to say that now I have felt every feeling known in life.
I am sorry for anyone in the world who could possibly feel this way.
I will give quotes and save my writing for another silent blog.
" it makes me rage to think that this can go on, and whilst I am shut up here , a veritable prisoner, but without that protection of the law. Which is even a criminal's right and consolation. "- from Bram Stoker's. Dracula
" Hope is the thing with feathers. " Emily Dickinson
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
White crayon pumpkin patch
I'm one of the biggest procrastinators I've ever met. I should laugh at myself.
It is October. Great weather and beautiful time of the year.
I wanted to talk or write but I am not really up for I phone typing.
I got two DVD 's in the mail.
Blade runner
And
Robert
I think I'm spelling that wrong.
So I will come back later and post
It is October. Great weather and beautiful time of the year.
I wanted to talk or write but I am not really up for I phone typing.
I got two DVD 's in the mail.
Blade runner
And
Robert
I think I'm spelling that wrong.
So I will come back later and post
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
My what big eyes you have
when the mind cannot translate the pain ,
then it snaps in two different pieces.
Some times more.
But it's better if the heart breaks.
Because when the heart breaks
It does not affect reality.
The brain can go temporarily insane.
Like putting the person's fear on trial
You'd find a timid animal in a corner defeated
You will get more of a fight out of their temper.
The little man feels special when he drinks
out of styrofoam cups.
Mostly because the cups remind him
of waiting rooms.
In a waiting room everyone is special.
They get a number and then they have
An appointment.
He keeps a cigar box under his bed.
He owns a baseball card and a frog.
When he was growing up he never played sports
But he watched other kids play.
Now he reads books.
They are the only safe place to
hide from the abuse
Like the mouth of a wolf.
You can see the lion personality hidden within.
But you squint your eyes shut
And hope to hide from the pain.
I
Will come back to this later and write more
then it snaps in two different pieces.
Some times more.
But it's better if the heart breaks.
Because when the heart breaks
It does not affect reality.
The brain can go temporarily insane.
Like putting the person's fear on trial
You'd find a timid animal in a corner defeated
You will get more of a fight out of their temper.
The little man feels special when he drinks
out of styrofoam cups.
Mostly because the cups remind him
of waiting rooms.
In a waiting room everyone is special.
They get a number and then they have
An appointment.
He keeps a cigar box under his bed.
He owns a baseball card and a frog.
When he was growing up he never played sports
But he watched other kids play.
Now he reads books.
They are the only safe place to
hide from the abuse
Like the mouth of a wolf.
You can see the lion personality hidden within.
But you squint your eyes shut
And hope to hide from the pain.
I
Will come back to this later and write more
Along came a spider 🕷 and sat down beside her
you talk of other people's time.
You tell them how you can conduct the hands.
But before you treat that pendulum
In your hand like a toy
You might want to know
your only holding your own clock.
I walked alone down a foggy road
I had a Camus book in my hand and
A Gilmour song swimming in my head.
Waiting on the newspaper to reflect
all these secrets.
Tell me the truth.
Keep the line from control
Watch the clock.
Pardon me if I forgot to care.
I am scared of the soap box in my house
I don't know how to trust the world around me.
You tell them how you can conduct the hands.
But before you treat that pendulum
In your hand like a toy
You might want to know
your only holding your own clock.
I walked alone down a foggy road
I had a Camus book in my hand and
A Gilmour song swimming in my head.
Waiting on the newspaper to reflect
all these secrets.
Tell me the truth.
Keep the line from control
Watch the clock.
Pardon me if I forgot to care.
I am scared of the soap box in my house
I don't know how to trust the world around me.
Sunday, October 15, 2017
As the world
I don't know what is a scarier concept to digest.?
Drinking the two day old coffee
out of the ice box or buying my
coffee creamer from a gas station.
Life is unpredictable on so many levels.
I can read.
I have already taken in my daily bread from the Bible.
It is funny how people try to convince you
Of what they need you to believe.
If one attempt does not work,
Then they try something else.
What is freaking me out about these suggestions?
Why does the reason change?
If it is one thing
Then why make up ten reasons when one does not work.?
Also
No offense
But
When a stranger offers you candy 🍭
To take a ride in his unmarked van
You know there is a nightmare just up ahead.
So why sell me a list of possible questions?
Drinking the two day old coffee
out of the ice box or buying my
coffee creamer from a gas station.
Life is unpredictable on so many levels.
I can read.
I have already taken in my daily bread from the Bible.
It is funny how people try to convince you
Of what they need you to believe.
If one attempt does not work,
Then they try something else.
What is freaking me out about these suggestions?
Why does the reason change?
If it is one thing
Then why make up ten reasons when one does not work.?
Also
No offense
But
When a stranger offers you candy 🍭
To take a ride in his unmarked van
You know there is a nightmare just up ahead.
So why sell me a list of possible questions?
I'm not sure why I did not google this
I had to go change a typo that I had. I wrote Blade Runner 2047 and it was 2049. It is not on DVD yet because it looks like it is in theaters.
I guess tomorrow is my mom's birthday.
She used to love horses 🐴.
I will post on Facebook.
I have to clean my bedroom.
I'm 37 years old and the older I get, the more I hate cleaning up my own messes.
I guess tomorrow is my mom's birthday.
She used to love horses 🐴.
I will post on Facebook.
I have to clean my bedroom.
I'm 37 years old and the older I get, the more I hate cleaning up my own messes.
Saturday, October 14, 2017
8-7 poem by Jessica Singleton
I am being lazy. I am also letting my food settle.
I thought I would blog and write about my feelings. I also think I cannot wait to see blade runner 2049. I don't know the name of the new DVD.
8-7
By
Jessica Singleton
Last night I lost track of time.
I'm always lost for words and patience
But last night I had all the patience in the world.
and time to lose
You came around again.
In dreams of course
You mean so much.
It seems you can do anything
Your a mystery in a fantasy for me
You can even break me in two.
But I still don't want to lose you
My mind is not what it once was.
But I remember you throughout
my whole day.
I'm angry at the world.
Hurt and ashamed
Misunderstood maybe
But I'm in love with you.
You make me forget how to make sense.
You are a fairy tale.
I thought I would blog and write about my feelings. I also think I cannot wait to see blade runner 2049. I don't know the name of the new DVD.
8-7
By
Jessica Singleton
Last night I lost track of time.
I'm always lost for words and patience
But last night I had all the patience in the world.
and time to lose
You came around again.
In dreams of course
You mean so much.
It seems you can do anything
Your a mystery in a fantasy for me
You can even break me in two.
But I still don't want to lose you
My mind is not what it once was.
But I remember you throughout
my whole day.
I'm angry at the world.
Hurt and ashamed
Misunderstood maybe
But I'm in love with you.
You make me forget how to make sense.
You are a fairy tale.
Friday, October 13, 2017
Anthropomorphic children
My Nine Inch Nails cd came in the mail today.
It is called ( Add. Violence. )
It is great.
I guess Atticus Ross and Trent Reznor
covered the theme song for John Carpenter 's Halloween.
I think it was perfect but it is just as magical.
I love what they do.
This is the best time of the year.
It is called ( Add. Violence. )
It is great.
I guess Atticus Ross and Trent Reznor
covered the theme song for John Carpenter 's Halloween.
I think it was perfect but it is just as magical.
I love what they do.
This is the best time of the year.
Thursday, October 12, 2017
Heaven Upside Down
I got the new Marilyn Manson cd yesterday.
He is amazing with beats in music.
It rocks.
More women want to allure men off cliffs in the world.
Metaphorically speaking.
I'm not one of those women.
Yet I still don't have a penis.
I think scraps aka T broke into my house yesterday.
That L girl now wants my life.
I don't think they have isles for stealing
other people's personalities
at the stores these days.
These people are pathetic losers.
It would be comical if it was not so sad.
I think that this has been taken to far.
I feel attacked and abused.
It's weird.
I told everyone a common fairy tale
last night.
It was not even the big wow.
I did not do much in covers.
Now the mouth breathers suck it dry
to act like they made something.
They are pathetic.
Cinderella has been written.
I swear.
They act like there is a chance
that they could amaze people.
I think there is more of a chance that
One of those sluts could convince a
sexually active man that they are virgins.
They would not be my headache if
They would not steal my writing and use it.
They only want to be famous and rich.
Other people's lives mean nothing to them.
💩
He is amazing with beats in music.
It rocks.
More women want to allure men off cliffs in the world.
Metaphorically speaking.
I'm not one of those women.
Yet I still don't have a penis.
I think scraps aka T broke into my house yesterday.
That L girl now wants my life.
I don't think they have isles for stealing
other people's personalities
at the stores these days.
These people are pathetic losers.
It would be comical if it was not so sad.
I think that this has been taken to far.
I feel attacked and abused.
It's weird.
I told everyone a common fairy tale
last night.
It was not even the big wow.
I did not do much in covers.
Now the mouth breathers suck it dry
to act like they made something.
They are pathetic.
Cinderella has been written.
I swear.
They act like there is a chance
that they could amaze people.
I think there is more of a chance that
One of those sluts could convince a
sexually active man that they are virgins.
They would not be my headache if
They would not steal my writing and use it.
They only want to be famous and rich.
Other people's lives mean nothing to them.
💩
Sunday, October 8, 2017
I'm not that kind of person
When you look back
it's funny how you notice all the things
you never took the time to see before.
Your mind spins on a needle
to the beat of your own heart.
Like now it all matters.
Like yesterday is today.
It's all you can see.
Memories are the best vacation.
Until they hurt.
Then they haunt you.
And they hold you down
To the nightmare that only mirrors
By
Jessica Singleton
it's funny how you notice all the things
you never took the time to see before.
Your mind spins on a needle
to the beat of your own heart.
Like now it all matters.
Like yesterday is today.
It's all you can see.
Memories are the best vacation.
Until they hurt.
Then they haunt you.
And they hold you down
To the nightmare that only mirrors
By
Jessica Singleton
Tuesday, October 3, 2017
It is late and I'm randomly blogging
I am up to late. I don't sleep until- morning. I don't get it. I go out later to pay bills. Good for me. I don't have a problem with Iran or any nationality that comes from there. I was rejected by a guy and now there must be something wrong with me because I did not want to be used.
I'm still in love with the pi55 ant but I can do what ever I want.
I like color. Mostly dark hair.
Poem for today:::
By Jessica Singleton
I must be pathetic.
I just can't help myself, if you
Would love me and pretend to say
things you don't mean.
I need you and I want your twitch.
You can lie to the other girls.
They are so caught up in using your time
That their lack of self awareness runs
As short as the time they spend
thinking for their self .
But I love you and it hurts to know
how little I mean to you.
I keep making it harder to get over you.
The more I daydream-
The more I lie to myself.
You don't have to care who you hurt.
Because you don't know how this feels.
You bathe in other people's light.
And I'm still alone.
Broken and filled with the past
that no one knows .
You cannot possibly know what to say.
I'm still in love with the pi55 ant but I can do what ever I want.
I like color. Mostly dark hair.
Poem for today:::
By Jessica Singleton
I must be pathetic.
I just can't help myself, if you
Would love me and pretend to say
things you don't mean.
I need you and I want your twitch.
You can lie to the other girls.
They are so caught up in using your time
That their lack of self awareness runs
As short as the time they spend
thinking for their self .
But I love you and it hurts to know
how little I mean to you.
I keep making it harder to get over you.
The more I daydream-
The more I lie to myself.
You don't have to care who you hurt.
Because you don't know how this feels.
You bathe in other people's light.
And I'm still alone.
Broken and filled with the past
that no one knows .
You cannot possibly know what to say.
Monday, October 2, 2017
List for today in my opinion
Okay I get treated funny but not in a laughing way.
So I get asked how I feel. I doubt that they care.
So here is my personal play list for today...
Song choice for the way I feel about today-
1. Twinkle twinkle little star ⭐️
Perfect dinner
Hot wings , fried okra, fried green tomatoes , French fries , cheddar corn bread
The best drink
Pepsi
Poem
Alone by eap
Tragedy by js
Pain has an element of blank by ed
Dream within a dream by eap
So I get asked how I feel. I doubt that they care.
So here is my personal play list for today...
Song choice for the way I feel about today-
1. Twinkle twinkle little star ⭐️
Perfect dinner
Hot wings , fried okra, fried green tomatoes , French fries , cheddar corn bread
The best drink
Pepsi
Poem
Alone by eap
Tragedy by js
Pain has an element of blank by ed
Dream within a dream by eap
Saturday, September 30, 2017
Friday, September 29, 2017
I don't write to position the future. I write what is real in my own present
I will never cover up anything. My life will not be threatened by truth. Now is the time to pray. God be with us all. My lack of freedom will not be pardoned by the guilty 's release either. I've had enough. I am out of patience and acceptance. I wish no one was allowed to be president of the United States of America unless they only intended to proceed with caution and extreme care. I'm sickened by the leadership. Their choice for personal companionship is as tackles as their leadership. Pathetic really. It is like watching a game show for losers United.
My other opinion on the other half who live on the hills....
Hookers marry rich old white sickos who rob the poor just to over compensate for their lack of integrity.
Is there a quote about small dick syndrome in a psychology text ?
I'm not sorry. That little opinion tidbit is not resurveyed for only the white haired.
It is all over the Television.
Bad Girls
Talk Shows
Reality TV
My writing does not conclude after 30 minutes until the next episode.
Sorry I don't lie.
Writing is reality of feeling.
I don't speak on behalf of God.
I'm human.
But ...
I pray for my freedom anyway.
Song list for today:
1. Working Class Hero
2. Land of Confusion
3, Strange Days
Because of the lyrics
No association there.
The daily quote:
-
" My wars are laid away in books. " - Emily Dickinson
My other opinion on the other half who live on the hills....
Hookers marry rich old white sickos who rob the poor just to over compensate for their lack of integrity.
Is there a quote about small dick syndrome in a psychology text ?
I'm not sorry. That little opinion tidbit is not resurveyed for only the white haired.
It is all over the Television.
Bad Girls
Talk Shows
Reality TV
My writing does not conclude after 30 minutes until the next episode.
Sorry I don't lie.
Writing is reality of feeling.
I don't speak on behalf of God.
I'm human.
But ...
I pray for my freedom anyway.
Song list for today:
1. Working Class Hero
2. Land of Confusion
3, Strange Days
Because of the lyrics
No association there.
The daily quote:
-
" My wars are laid away in books. " - Emily Dickinson
Thursday, September 28, 2017
The colors of the broken
The world
By Jessica Singleton
The world cannot wait to inject
themselves with insanity.
Anything works for a waste of time.
And the rain is translucent
To the people who don't see or feel.
I'm alone in front of the world.
While your words are painted up beside me.
I'm walking around in circles.
Next to a mirror of yesterday.
I wish you would let go of my hand
If all you're going to do is
drag me through this.
Watchful hand
By Jessica Singleton
Those seconds
Finger tips
Run short.
They are five minutes late
For our conversation.
Tell me if you have had
Enough of my time.
Tell if it feels good to manage
To suck the life out of any shred of hope left
Hymns of the mother
By Jessica Singleton
Tell us mother if you carry
innocence to it's graves?
Tell us what you sing on Sunday,
while you bow your head.
To the father-
To the ghost
To the son that you never planned to carry.
Stick your finger up
Point us all in the right direction
God knows where that fingers been
Alone with my thoughts
By Jessica Singleton
I don't get an apology tonight.
They could never understand
Besides their sorry words are no
More important than the lie that started it.
I don't know any speech or sounds to
express how I truly feel or what happened to me.
I feel like the last person on the earth.
All the other people seem like
silhouettes on bathroom doors.
I feel so surrounded.
The abuse levels I've endured
have built a city within me.
By Jessica Singleton
The world cannot wait to inject
themselves with insanity.
Anything works for a waste of time.
And the rain is translucent
To the people who don't see or feel.
I'm alone in front of the world.
While your words are painted up beside me.
I'm walking around in circles.
Next to a mirror of yesterday.
I wish you would let go of my hand
If all you're going to do is
drag me through this.
Watchful hand
By Jessica Singleton
Those seconds
Finger tips
Run short.
They are five minutes late
For our conversation.
Tell me if you have had
Enough of my time.
Tell if it feels good to manage
To suck the life out of any shred of hope left
Hymns of the mother
By Jessica Singleton
Tell us mother if you carry
innocence to it's graves?
Tell us what you sing on Sunday,
while you bow your head.
To the father-
To the ghost
To the son that you never planned to carry.
Stick your finger up
Point us all in the right direction
God knows where that fingers been
Alone with my thoughts
By Jessica Singleton
I don't get an apology tonight.
They could never understand
Besides their sorry words are no
More important than the lie that started it.
I don't know any speech or sounds to
express how I truly feel or what happened to me.
I feel like the last person on the earth.
All the other people seem like
silhouettes on bathroom doors.
I feel so surrounded.
The abuse levels I've endured
have built a city within me.
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
Does It ?
Does It
By
Jessica Singleton
This under taste
This ember
This only one
Is more than I can control
He is entangled around my heart
I can feel these feelings beside me
When he Tares me in two
God be with me
He will be everything
And
He will take up more of my time
Then I ever had
The night sky will stain my face
When I remember why I should forget
When I cannot let him go
But
Why fight it
When it feels this right
He could not heal me more then alcohol
I fill the void with a lie
That it will be okay
There is no substance
There is no other one
Not like him
He is more than that
He is worth more
Then my own humiliation
And
My own suffering
I'd never take what time
He does not have left
So I curl into a blanket with a book
And I keep living my own life
That is slipping away from me.
💜🎱💙💜🌚🖤💜💙🎆
By
Jessica Singleton
This under taste
This ember
This only one
Is more than I can control
He is entangled around my heart
I can feel these feelings beside me
When he Tares me in two
God be with me
He will be everything
And
He will take up more of my time
Then I ever had
The night sky will stain my face
When I remember why I should forget
When I cannot let him go
But
Why fight it
When it feels this right
He could not heal me more then alcohol
I fill the void with a lie
That it will be okay
There is no substance
There is no other one
Not like him
He is more than that
He is worth more
Then my own humiliation
And
My own suffering
I'd never take what time
He does not have left
So I curl into a blanket with a book
And I keep living my own life
That is slipping away from me.
💜🎱💙💜🌚🖤💜💙🎆
Monday, September 25, 2017
Silent cry 🍭🖤💜💙
I burnt dinner tonight. I did not plan that. No problem really.
I kind of want a pet. I am lazy. So I guess I will write something new. I did not go anywhere. I've stayed home.
Sock Puppet
By
Jessica Singleton
She dresses her moon in crimson petals.
It shades the map.
Directions based on mythology.
Hands in the dark find new pockets.
Tell them the crash test dummy
Brain washed you with subliminal messages.
Push the handle
Russian Roulette board game
Cry bloody bell
Sing the innocent to sleep.
Passing days with death mask expressions.
Lyrics in lines
Nailed to the card.
It runs out
It echoes
Through the rumors
Truth held so lightly
Damaged misunderstanding
But what you hold inside
Will take flight
And you'll be the one in tears.
Push the handle
Russian roulette board game
Cry bloody bell
Sing the innocent to sleep.
Cradle Clive Raven
By Jessica Singleton
Innocence is a fragile piece of art.
Held by the hands of the ignorant.
I'm guilty of being angry.
I'm guilty of wishing for you to finally fall.
But I'm glad that I'm not guilty of the loss
Of your innocence.
I never let it sink in.
The idea that you were anything
but a monster.
So I never considered you at a dinner table
With family conversation or a set of dishes.
But I'm sorry and only for one reason
If your mistakes lead you into
Anything that could have harmed
your unborn brat.
A person who had nothing to do with
All the insanity in the world-
It is sad really.
It is not my place.
Heaven knows it is not my fault
But I know that kind of pain to well.
The off brand napkin holders-
By
Jessica Singleton
They come in thin plastic sleeves.
Not crystal or even glass.
Most men don't ask for directions.
They don't think long enough for that.
So picking out place settings is silly.
They would eat with their hands if they could.
Pathetic how yard sale ornaments
get used like that.
They never throw things like that out.
Men are lazy.
They use it until it breaks.
Then they forget where they left it.
X obituaries
By
Jessica Singleton
Boston cream pie sits next to her
political collection of news clippings.
Out on the table with her keys.
The flower vase is a garden of dust jackets.
She is never around anymore,
but she can feel the echo of
what she left behind.
It is in the obvious place.
The line just beneath the truth.
Spoken in thoughts.
Hollywood charity
By
Jessica Singleton
Only your pockets can fill their eyes.
Never enough to know how to abuse a lie.
Placed in front of you.
To cover up their guilty verdict.
She doesn't deserve a second chance.
She took away everyone else's.
She had no reason and no right.
There will never be forgiveness here from me.
I kind of want a pet. I am lazy. So I guess I will write something new. I did not go anywhere. I've stayed home.
Sock Puppet
By
Jessica Singleton
She dresses her moon in crimson petals.
It shades the map.
Directions based on mythology.
Hands in the dark find new pockets.
Tell them the crash test dummy
Brain washed you with subliminal messages.
Push the handle
Russian Roulette board game
Cry bloody bell
Sing the innocent to sleep.
Passing days with death mask expressions.
Lyrics in lines
Nailed to the card.
It runs out
It echoes
Through the rumors
Truth held so lightly
Damaged misunderstanding
But what you hold inside
Will take flight
And you'll be the one in tears.
Push the handle
Russian roulette board game
Cry bloody bell
Sing the innocent to sleep.
Cradle Clive Raven
By Jessica Singleton
Innocence is a fragile piece of art.
Held by the hands of the ignorant.
I'm guilty of being angry.
I'm guilty of wishing for you to finally fall.
But I'm glad that I'm not guilty of the loss
Of your innocence.
I never let it sink in.
The idea that you were anything
but a monster.
So I never considered you at a dinner table
With family conversation or a set of dishes.
But I'm sorry and only for one reason
If your mistakes lead you into
Anything that could have harmed
your unborn brat.
A person who had nothing to do with
All the insanity in the world-
It is sad really.
It is not my place.
Heaven knows it is not my fault
But I know that kind of pain to well.
The off brand napkin holders-
By
Jessica Singleton
They come in thin plastic sleeves.
Not crystal or even glass.
Most men don't ask for directions.
They don't think long enough for that.
So picking out place settings is silly.
They would eat with their hands if they could.
Pathetic how yard sale ornaments
get used like that.
They never throw things like that out.
Men are lazy.
They use it until it breaks.
Then they forget where they left it.
X obituaries
By
Jessica Singleton
Boston cream pie sits next to her
political collection of news clippings.
Out on the table with her keys.
The flower vase is a garden of dust jackets.
She is never around anymore,
but she can feel the echo of
what she left behind.
It is in the obvious place.
The line just beneath the truth.
Spoken in thoughts.
Hollywood charity
By
Jessica Singleton
Only your pockets can fill their eyes.
Never enough to know how to abuse a lie.
Placed in front of you.
To cover up their guilty verdict.
She doesn't deserve a second chance.
She took away everyone else's.
She had no reason and no right.
There will never be forgiveness here from me.
Friday, September 22, 2017
Love ❤️ song to a man of clouds
When in doubt
By
Jessica singleton
October skyline fell apart
Smudged in cloudy paint water
Mapping out the tiny lines that
Define my expression.
I almost wonder how much of me
Can. Be seen there.
You say you know me.
You can see me when
I turn away.
But you know me when in doubt.
I hide myself from everyone.
At least I thought I tried.
You make me believe when I'm in doubt.
Cause you know me
Well enough to find me
I wanted to say
You threw me away.
That I'd finally seen the light
That I'd walk away this time for good.
But I realized again that I loved you
When I was in doubt.
Cause my heart refused to let you go.
And I have never had a better reason
to be in doubt.
So I had to let go of every reason
to be in doubt.
I'd have to let you in.
Like a ledge that over looks a nightmare.
Nothing safe to bet on here.
Whatever lies beneath that broken cliff
Is nothing compared to the thought
of losing you for good.
I'd rather suffer another headache
Then to wonder what ever happened to you.
I doubt I'm much.
I'm really not that strong.
But I need to know that you are okay.
That no one will ever break your heart.
You really have no reason to be in doubt.
I am sorry though if you have ever
felt like doubting me.
I will never treat you like that again.
By
Jessica singleton
October skyline fell apart
Smudged in cloudy paint water
Mapping out the tiny lines that
Define my expression.
I almost wonder how much of me
Can. Be seen there.
You say you know me.
You can see me when
I turn away.
But you know me when in doubt.
I hide myself from everyone.
At least I thought I tried.
You make me believe when I'm in doubt.
Cause you know me
Well enough to find me
I wanted to say
You threw me away.
That I'd finally seen the light
That I'd walk away this time for good.
But I realized again that I loved you
When I was in doubt.
Cause my heart refused to let you go.
And I have never had a better reason
to be in doubt.
So I had to let go of every reason
to be in doubt.
I'd have to let you in.
Like a ledge that over looks a nightmare.
Nothing safe to bet on here.
Whatever lies beneath that broken cliff
Is nothing compared to the thought
of losing you for good.
I'd rather suffer another headache
Then to wonder what ever happened to you.
I doubt I'm much.
I'm really not that strong.
But I need to know that you are okay.
That no one will ever break your heart.
You really have no reason to be in doubt.
I am sorry though if you have ever
felt like doubting me.
I will never treat you like that again.
Thursday, September 21, 2017
New writing ideas by me
Off Set Tension
By
Jessica Singleton
A door knob that looks like a hand.
A memory hanging on the wall.
A silent prayer locks it all away.
That is the tension that builds deep within these walls.
Bottles pile up and candy remains.
I drank the rest of the past.
I'll finish the rest tomorrow.
I'll be here then and tonight.
That will never change.
This empty feeling.
This sparrow flys throughout me.
I cannot escape myself.
I am unchanging.
Always alone with the books of words that crawl out of me.
Within
By
Jessica Singleton
Within me is what you'll never be.
Something you could never understand.
You just act it out.
What you hear in the crowd.
You chime into other people's conversations.
But no one has the time to be that bored.
You lie and scream at wolves.
But the gate is open and those dogs are mad as hell.
Now you're within arms reach of death.
You will crawl for less attention on days when you care.
Pathetic how the night dies behind your eyes.
Don't cry yourself to sleep tonight.
There is no audience for plastic sheets.
Tip toe around my outcry.
Tell me you are sorry.
Say it like it is not written in front of you.
Within the truth
Is all the lies you caused.
Now and only now
will you find out what is caused
from what is within me.
You are nothing but a hatched excuse
For other people's wasted time.
Laughter
By
Jessica Singleton
She is dancing around my head.
She is a free spirit.
She will never age a day past childhood.
I know what everyone's opinion is.
She repeats it in chants.
Like it is the book that changed her life.
I hear those memories
Of every moment of every day.
I can feel it crawl up my back and scratch.
Giving me less ability to stand up on my own.
But what is the point?
You cannot be something you're not.
Why pretend to please?
When you do not want it.
She mocks my pain.
Where is my darkened release?
I guess those were just stories too...
Nothing harms the self esteem like regret.
Not opinions.
Just your own regret.
I cannot stand up to
what I carry around inside myself.
I was never that strong.
She laughs.
She points and she hopes
That she has made me this way
I am abused
But not humiliated.
By
Jessica Singleton
A door knob that looks like a hand.
A memory hanging on the wall.
A silent prayer locks it all away.
That is the tension that builds deep within these walls.
Bottles pile up and candy remains.
I drank the rest of the past.
I'll finish the rest tomorrow.
I'll be here then and tonight.
That will never change.
This empty feeling.
This sparrow flys throughout me.
I cannot escape myself.
I am unchanging.
Always alone with the books of words that crawl out of me.
Within
By
Jessica Singleton
Within me is what you'll never be.
Something you could never understand.
You just act it out.
What you hear in the crowd.
You chime into other people's conversations.
But no one has the time to be that bored.
You lie and scream at wolves.
But the gate is open and those dogs are mad as hell.
Now you're within arms reach of death.
You will crawl for less attention on days when you care.
Pathetic how the night dies behind your eyes.
Don't cry yourself to sleep tonight.
There is no audience for plastic sheets.
Tip toe around my outcry.
Tell me you are sorry.
Say it like it is not written in front of you.
Within the truth
Is all the lies you caused.
Now and only now
will you find out what is caused
from what is within me.
You are nothing but a hatched excuse
For other people's wasted time.
Laughter
By
Jessica Singleton
She is dancing around my head.
She is a free spirit.
She will never age a day past childhood.
I know what everyone's opinion is.
She repeats it in chants.
Like it is the book that changed her life.
I hear those memories
Of every moment of every day.
I can feel it crawl up my back and scratch.
Giving me less ability to stand up on my own.
But what is the point?
You cannot be something you're not.
Why pretend to please?
When you do not want it.
She mocks my pain.
Where is my darkened release?
I guess those were just stories too...
Nothing harms the self esteem like regret.
Not opinions.
Just your own regret.
I cannot stand up to
what I carry around inside myself.
I was never that strong.
She laughs.
She points and she hopes
That she has made me this way
I am abused
But not humiliated.
Wednesday, September 20, 2017
Eight ball 🎱
I don't have to get permission to doodle. Because I am not using the subject to make money off them. I'm not having this conversation.
I have a 9th grade school level at artistic ability.
So I'm not mark ryden.
I was reading a Andréws book. I will donate it to the library. I think that I want to exercise and bathe.
Do I write?
Yes!
Something new
She waits on the stars to salt the sky.
She cannot help but push her curtains shut.
She'll say that it's okay.
That promise is made of a lot of what she denies.
Deep down- under the covers
Her shell
The paste
The silent memory.
The hand that holds her mind
Kept from possibility
Rewind the tape
Go over what cannot be erased.
That lilac disposition.
Great zeppelin
Book marked her place
Keeps her in the right time
He does not know
But he wouldn't understand anything anyway
He knows she is in love.
But he does not want to know
That it is not with him
He paints his expression to hide what he cannot do anything about.
To wish
In childhood-
Hopeful!
In adulthood-
Insane & questionable!
When you are in love-
Undeniably sad.
Cape-
He could light up a night with nothing at all.
He could fly around the
World.
And he could have anything he wanted.
But he is busy in his real life away
From all this insanity and violence.
Which is the reason that I'm thankful.
He is not the one who broke my heart.
Because he would be the only one that is
impossible to Get over.
I have a 9th grade school level at artistic ability.
So I'm not mark ryden.
I was reading a Andréws book. I will donate it to the library. I think that I want to exercise and bathe.
Do I write?
Yes!
Something new
She waits on the stars to salt the sky.
She cannot help but push her curtains shut.
She'll say that it's okay.
That promise is made of a lot of what she denies.
Deep down- under the covers
Her shell
The paste
The silent memory.
The hand that holds her mind
Kept from possibility
Rewind the tape
Go over what cannot be erased.
That lilac disposition.
Great zeppelin
Book marked her place
Keeps her in the right time
He does not know
But he wouldn't understand anything anyway
He knows she is in love.
But he does not want to know
That it is not with him
He paints his expression to hide what he cannot do anything about.
To wish
In childhood-
Hopeful!
In adulthood-
Insane & questionable!
When you are in love-
Undeniably sad.
Cape-
He could light up a night with nothing at all.
He could fly around the
World.
And he could have anything he wanted.
But he is busy in his real life away
From all this insanity and violence.
Which is the reason that I'm thankful.
He is not the one who broke my heart.
Because he would be the only one that is
impossible to Get over.
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Benign Pendulum
Benign Pendulum
By Jessica Singleton
A fictional story
It crawls inside of me. That unknown stranger that is my reflection. I can feel it taking over what is left of me. I cannot know yet. We must not meet until another time. Not today. Today I cannot take it.
Benign pendulum is about an inner asylum. It's about a ptsd split personality.
The carousel is inside the child. Vile creatures ride the pretty glass horses. A democratic child ruins the carousel.
I started it but have not done much with the story. Mostly an outline.
By Jessica Singleton
A fictional story
It crawls inside of me. That unknown stranger that is my reflection. I can feel it taking over what is left of me. I cannot know yet. We must not meet until another time. Not today. Today I cannot take it.
Benign pendulum is about an inner asylum. It's about a ptsd split personality.
The carousel is inside the child. Vile creatures ride the pretty glass horses. A democratic child ruins the carousel.
I started it but have not done much with the story. Mostly an outline.
Stairway out the window
I have not blogged in a while. I moved into a house of my own. I painted a lot and it seems I just haven't had the time to do much. I did read the new Stephen King book ( Gwendy 's Box. ) I also have wrote or as I should say, I've come up with a few more stories. I have not blogged them yet. With all blessings comes a sad story. I guess in that sense I've been lucky in life. Cause I've got loads of stories to share.
I did get to buy myself an " It " remake movie poster. I did not get to go see it yet. I have to wait for the DVD to come out.
But I have seen the original "Stephen King- IT. "I watched it when I was twelve. I owned it on DVD in my twenties.
Life is a long knotted piece of string.
I'm not happy these days.
I've tried to cover that for some time but no such luck.
I'm not suicidal. Just tired.
I'm not capable of feeling happy.
I suffer from depression.
But...
I have never felt so alone and surrounded as I do now. I walked into town while ago. I have a sweet tooth.
I got some stale donuts.
Sticky and dried out.
Eating those was like when you suffer from insomnia and you're going through a panic attack.
Then you take a pill but it sticks in your throat and you can taste that bitter life sucks taste.
I don't get to visit park view much.
I miss Mac.
It's funny how people make so much out
What I type. I guess they need a reason to bite
I did get to buy myself an " It " remake movie poster. I did not get to go see it yet. I have to wait for the DVD to come out.
But I have seen the original "Stephen King- IT. "I watched it when I was twelve. I owned it on DVD in my twenties.
Life is a long knotted piece of string.
I'm not happy these days.
I've tried to cover that for some time but no such luck.
I'm not suicidal. Just tired.
I'm not capable of feeling happy.
I suffer from depression.
But...
I have never felt so alone and surrounded as I do now. I walked into town while ago. I have a sweet tooth.
I got some stale donuts.
Sticky and dried out.
Eating those was like when you suffer from insomnia and you're going through a panic attack.
Then you take a pill but it sticks in your throat and you can taste that bitter life sucks taste.
I don't get to visit park view much.
I miss Mac.
It's funny how people make so much out
What I type. I guess they need a reason to bite
Wednesday, July 5, 2017
I now have a home of my own.
This is not a joke.
I did finish everything today. I bought a home. I got a discount on payments. They said I do not have to make a payment until Sept 1, 2017. So I bought myself that couch that I wanted. Tomorrow David Mosley will come over and help me move. He wants to come over around 10 AM. Lewis said that he would help to. I just came from the house. I asked Lewis to change the locks. He is so amazing. MeriJo and Lewis helped me.
I need to go get that other box from the garage and pack up what is left to pack. This is great.
I now have a home.
I did take the cleaning supplies over there.
I need to look into taxes.
Nothing is that big of a deal. I have almost let my eyebrowls grown back.
I need to shave them and draw them on.
I left my charger for my iphone in Leeann's car.
I will spend the night in the new house tomorrow.
This is great.
I did finish everything today. I bought a home. I got a discount on payments. They said I do not have to make a payment until Sept 1, 2017. So I bought myself that couch that I wanted. Tomorrow David Mosley will come over and help me move. He wants to come over around 10 AM. Lewis said that he would help to. I just came from the house. I asked Lewis to change the locks. He is so amazing. MeriJo and Lewis helped me.
I need to go get that other box from the garage and pack up what is left to pack. This is great.
I now have a home.
I did take the cleaning supplies over there.
I need to look into taxes.
Nothing is that big of a deal. I have almost let my eyebrowls grown back.
I need to shave them and draw them on.
I left my charger for my iphone in Leeann's car.
I will spend the night in the new house tomorrow.
This is great.
Tuesday, July 4, 2017
Something very odd; a Jessica using my information
Today is independence day. That is supposed to mean something to people.
That is not what this blog is about for now.
I have a problems and I have to document them.
I have had the weirdest set of events going on in my life. So now I get to talk about them.
Okay so....
A few days back I get a bank statement.
It shows a charge for Avira.
I did not renew on this pc because I was going to return it.
I went to the bank and I ask for a refund.
The bank said no problem but for me to contact Avira and tell them about it.
This is where it gets odd.
Avira has no record of charging my checking account for 116 dollars.
Arvest gave me back my money.
Because of the situation, I ask to change my debit card information.
Meaning get a new card.
So The bank says okay, that will cost 7 dollars and 50 cents for the new card.
Okay no problem.
Then I go to check my balance on Saturday.
Saturday was an odd day.
I woke up and my bedroom door was wide open, as though someone came into my bedroom.
But no one claimed to come into my bedroom.
Okay;
So I go to an atm.
I check my balance first.
Then I take out 40 dollars.
Interesting story.
SSI is on time.
It was going to go into my account on the 3rd.
But this was days before;
So where did the 1000 extra come from.
It only spooked me because I am in the due process of trying to buy a home.
I have a money cd with Arvest.
What if someone went in and yeah.
moved stuff around to take a little off the top.
Here lately things are just odd.
Then on the 3rd I went into the Dewey Branch. I ask what my balance was.
They said the same amount that was there Saturday. I ask when ssi went into my bank.
They said it was just posting on the 3rd.
Then she said it was trying to post on Saturday.
I go to Walmart.
My step dad and I cannot find each other.
He says that he waited for almost 45 minutes.
There is more.
Some stupid girl on face book wrote me because she thinks I want to be her.
NOPE but you should see her stuff.
It is not this way around.
MaryLynn Stinson.
I make a simple site again.
To post my stuff about my situation.
Then ; someone deletes my site.
BUT WHO.
NO ONE KNEW ABOUT IT YET.
Then I get a weird text a few days before that money went into my account.
It was from some company saying that they wanted to give me 5 thousand dollars.
I ask why?
They did not make sense.
But they wanted me to cash it out in someone elses name.
HELL TO THE NO.
I'm not going to jail over that.
I keep finding people online who imitate me.
They use my personal information for their sorry profiles.
Where do they come from.
They are actually using my address.
I've had a birthmark since I was born.
I have proof of that.
Okay check this one out;
But what is odd;
This girl uses my address for her profile but....
in her url it says alisi next to Jessica.
What is alisi,? Is that her real name.
She does not have any rights from me to use my information.
This is her url;
https://www.mylife.com/alisi-jessica/alisijessica
okay there is more.
A few weeks ago,
my storage unit was broke into.
It really was.
They stole from me.
But what is odd about it.
They did not cut the lock.
They had a key or a way to pick it .
What is going on?
There are a few more of these idiots.
I am just now finding them.
I guess I'm going to have to call the police.
What else is there to do?
Here is that Jessica Alisi girls picture next to my own;
That is not what this blog is about for now.
I have a problems and I have to document them.
I have had the weirdest set of events going on in my life. So now I get to talk about them.
Okay so....
A few days back I get a bank statement.
It shows a charge for Avira.
I did not renew on this pc because I was going to return it.
I went to the bank and I ask for a refund.
The bank said no problem but for me to contact Avira and tell them about it.
This is where it gets odd.
Avira has no record of charging my checking account for 116 dollars.
Arvest gave me back my money.
Because of the situation, I ask to change my debit card information.
Meaning get a new card.
So The bank says okay, that will cost 7 dollars and 50 cents for the new card.
Okay no problem.
Then I go to check my balance on Saturday.
Saturday was an odd day.
I woke up and my bedroom door was wide open, as though someone came into my bedroom.
But no one claimed to come into my bedroom.
Okay;
So I go to an atm.
I check my balance first.
Then I take out 40 dollars.
Interesting story.
SSI is on time.
It was going to go into my account on the 3rd.
But this was days before;
So where did the 1000 extra come from.
It only spooked me because I am in the due process of trying to buy a home.
I have a money cd with Arvest.
What if someone went in and yeah.
moved stuff around to take a little off the top.
Here lately things are just odd.
Then on the 3rd I went into the Dewey Branch. I ask what my balance was.
They said the same amount that was there Saturday. I ask when ssi went into my bank.
They said it was just posting on the 3rd.
Then she said it was trying to post on Saturday.
I go to Walmart.
My step dad and I cannot find each other.
He says that he waited for almost 45 minutes.
There is more.
Some stupid girl on face book wrote me because she thinks I want to be her.
NOPE but you should see her stuff.
It is not this way around.
MaryLynn Stinson.
I make a simple site again.
To post my stuff about my situation.
Then ; someone deletes my site.
BUT WHO.
NO ONE KNEW ABOUT IT YET.
Then I get a weird text a few days before that money went into my account.
It was from some company saying that they wanted to give me 5 thousand dollars.
I ask why?
They did not make sense.
But they wanted me to cash it out in someone elses name.
HELL TO THE NO.
I'm not going to jail over that.
I keep finding people online who imitate me.
They use my personal information for their sorry profiles.
Where do they come from.
They are actually using my address.
I've had a birthmark since I was born.
I have proof of that.
Okay check this one out;
But what is odd;
This girl uses my address for her profile but....
in her url it says alisi next to Jessica.
What is alisi,? Is that her real name.
She does not have any rights from me to use my information.
This is her url;
https://www.mylife.com/alisi-jessica/alisijessica
okay there is more.
A few weeks ago,
my storage unit was broke into.
It really was.
They stole from me.
But what is odd about it.
They did not cut the lock.
They had a key or a way to pick it .
What is going on?
There are a few more of these idiots.
I am just now finding them.
I guess I'm going to have to call the police.
What else is there to do?
Here is that Jessica Alisi girls picture next to my own;
Saturday, July 1, 2017
Red Light by Jessica Singleton
The Red Light
By;
Jessica Singleton
"I do not need to spend two days or three days or even one day in jail. I have never done anything at all. Why would you talk about my fate? You are not me. You are not a boss or judge. Not unless you are the one doing this to me."
" What I've felt, what I've known, So I dub thee unforgiven." - Metallica
" Pain has an element of blank. " - Emily Dickinson
" It is that place in the dark that echoes inside of your own mind. No one can replace what is missing inside of you. But no one can hear the rumors that your imagination creates. Paranoia is a real illness. But According to definition, paranoia is basically the fear of something that does not exist. But it must. Or else, You would not be there." - And that would be me.
Red lights are slow to go away. Green lights seem to only last up to the point , where you need to go. Yellow though , they are the ones that do not seem to exist.
Wait or go.
There is no other choice.
I sleep in when I can. I have always had a hard time sleeping. Here lately, sleep is like a tiny drip from a sink faucet.
So small.
But the tiny sound seems to echo and I can hear it even without my attention turned on.
I do not have a fear of a monster that does not exist.
Oh it does.
But no one can see it but me.
I've never felt so alone. I am surrounded by silhouetted memories that walk and talk.
They do and I can hear them as clear as day.
But they really are not there. Are they? Not anymore.
Today I met a man in a monkey costume again. He wonders around and he talks because he cannot sing.
He looks like something that belongs in a cage in a pet store. It has big eyes and you want to take it home but the cage smells like bo, AND it keeps pulling it's tiny pee pee out to leak all over the place.
I walked around the park for a while. I listened to my ear buds and I drank this amazing frozen smoothy from the shop up the road. That made me happy.
It got me out of my own cage.
I have never avoided going home as much as I do now. Not since childhood.
I finally moved out and I was approved to buy my own home. I moved into a different place and finally I was safe.
The monkey man ask me out. We went to a hotel in the city for drinks. I had to much to drink at the bar. I went to catch a cab. I had my umbrella with me.
Then I went to the cab. I got in the back seat and I told the guy where to take me.
I looked up at him at one point because he was going to fast.
He was not a human. He was a crash test dummy. I realized I was the one behind the wheel.
It was all my own regret at that point.
I was awake. But I was able to take control before I crashed.
The END
art credit in this one to Escher
By;
Jessica Singleton
"I do not need to spend two days or three days or even one day in jail. I have never done anything at all. Why would you talk about my fate? You are not me. You are not a boss or judge. Not unless you are the one doing this to me."
" What I've felt, what I've known, So I dub thee unforgiven." - Metallica
" Pain has an element of blank. " - Emily Dickinson
" It is that place in the dark that echoes inside of your own mind. No one can replace what is missing inside of you. But no one can hear the rumors that your imagination creates. Paranoia is a real illness. But According to definition, paranoia is basically the fear of something that does not exist. But it must. Or else, You would not be there." - And that would be me.
Red lights are slow to go away. Green lights seem to only last up to the point , where you need to go. Yellow though , they are the ones that do not seem to exist.
Wait or go.
There is no other choice.
I sleep in when I can. I have always had a hard time sleeping. Here lately, sleep is like a tiny drip from a sink faucet.
So small.
But the tiny sound seems to echo and I can hear it even without my attention turned on.
I do not have a fear of a monster that does not exist.
Oh it does.
But no one can see it but me.
I've never felt so alone. I am surrounded by silhouetted memories that walk and talk.
They do and I can hear them as clear as day.
But they really are not there. Are they? Not anymore.
Today I met a man in a monkey costume again. He wonders around and he talks because he cannot sing.
He looks like something that belongs in a cage in a pet store. It has big eyes and you want to take it home but the cage smells like bo, AND it keeps pulling it's tiny pee pee out to leak all over the place.
I walked around the park for a while. I listened to my ear buds and I drank this amazing frozen smoothy from the shop up the road. That made me happy.
It got me out of my own cage.
I have never avoided going home as much as I do now. Not since childhood.
I finally moved out and I was approved to buy my own home. I moved into a different place and finally I was safe.
The monkey man ask me out. We went to a hotel in the city for drinks. I had to much to drink at the bar. I went to catch a cab. I had my umbrella with me.
Then I went to the cab. I got in the back seat and I told the guy where to take me.
I looked up at him at one point because he was going to fast.
He was not a human. He was a crash test dummy. I realized I was the one behind the wheel.
It was all my own regret at that point.
I was awake. But I was able to take control before I crashed.
The END
art credit in this one to Escher
Friday, June 30, 2017
Documents
Those are some fly colors honey. I went to Pro Mortgage and Quick Trip today. I just got home not that long ago. Not much is going on.
I did sign a closing disclosure with Pro Mortgage. Now on the 5th of July, I have to sign the final paperwork and the house is mine. I will finally have a home.
I got a bag of ice at the gas station. I have been writing again.
I'm not sure.
So anyway
blah blah blah and something interesting goes here.
I did sign a closing disclosure with Pro Mortgage. Now on the 5th of July, I have to sign the final paperwork and the house is mine. I will finally have a home.
I got a bag of ice at the gas station. I have been writing again.
I'm not sure.
So anyway
blah blah blah and something interesting goes here.
fictional story by me; Jessica SIngleton
The Stupid Little Brat
Or;
The golden girl
By;
Jessica Singleton
" You think you have seen the most terrible thing. The thing that coalesces all of your nightmares into a freakish horror that actually exist." - Stephen King from the Book Full Dark No Stars
" Deleterious - Harmful in an unexpected way. " - definition according to the dictionary
Part 1
or
The first bad event
This is real. I cannot wake up from this. It just lingers. The truth is so loud. No one can cover this up. I am sure there are a lot of people out there who have made a stitch in this quilt of wrongs.
But she smiles into her own reflection as she puts on another coat of makeup. She covers her face with an image that she only wishes that she could project.
Goldia was a brat from the day she was born. I do not not mean wild or child at heart. Goldia was nothing more then a pathetic excuse for an adult.
It was because no one ever told her no. She was just allowed to do whatever she wanted. The older she got, the worse she became. Until her silly behavior turned into a narcissistic example of the most obnoxious TWIT that anyone could have the misfortune of bumping into in life.
Goldia would purposely go out of her way to be a part of other people's lives each day. She would trip kids in parks and find a way to accidentally bump into old people.
It seemed to give her pleasure to do so.
Goldia lived in England. She had lived there for two years. Goldia was in college. She was a rich little twit that loved to spend other people's money.
That summer it was hot. Goldia got bored. She went into a coffee shop to get a cup of iced coffee and a cookie one day.
Goldia saw this tiny little old woman leaving with her bag of sweets. Goldia needed a kick. So she got up and she purposly accidentally knocked the old woman down.
In the due process of knocking the elderly woman down, Goldia stepped on the old woman's bag of cookies.
Then when that was not enough. Goldia made an issue out of the situation. Then she got so loud that the manager had to come over to where they were. Goldia made it out like the old woman attacked her because she was to blind to see where she was going. The manager made the old woman apologize to the blonde idiot girl.
The old woman was only confused at that point. Why would anyone think that it was her fault compared to this young woman?
The old woman had to re buy her cookies and then take the train home.
It is odd how people laugh at the elderly and prize the young just because they are pretty. The older woman was in pain on the way home. She had bruises all over her leg where that dumb girl accidentally kicked her on the way down.
The old woman cried silently on the way home.
2
Goldia wanted more action out that old woman. She had to find her. So she ask around the coffee shop about her. The manager knew the woman because she came in all the time to buy those cookies for her grandson.
He told Goldia that the old woman's name was Carroll BuckworthBack.
So Goldia looked up Carroll in the phone book.
Then Goldia drove out to look at Carroll's house.
The cottage house was grey brick and had a beautiful flower garden in the backyard.
Goldia looked into the windows. She saw a lot of older furniture. That stuff must have been worth a fortune. It looked older then time. It must have been in Carroll's family for centuries.
3
Goldia made a hobby of going to the cottage house and picking the old woman's flowers.
They were always the peach orange roses. Goldia would chop them up and leave them on the porch for the old woman. Magically the next day, when Goldia came back to the old woman's house, the flowers were perfect again. It was as though the day before she had not harmed them.
Then Goldia saw that the old woman had a son. The son was older then Goldia by at least 25 years or more. Goldia only had one purpose for him anyway. So Goldia accidentally bumped into the guy. She flirted with him and before long they were dating. Goldia ask about the grandson. But her new boy friend did not say much. He claimed that his son was grown and living else where.
Goldia taunted the old woman constantly when the son was not there.
Goldia would constantly tell the boyfriend how his mother was mean and insane at her old age. Goldia would suggest that the old woman be locked up for her own safety.
But nothing ever happened to the old woman.
Goldia had not seen much of the cottage house. The dates that Goldia went on , were always in pubic.
One day Goldia was in public. A young good looking man with soft teddy bear eyes accidentally bumped into her. He was perfect. He noticed her instead of the other way around. He actually liked her. Then they started to date.
One night the sweet guy invited her over to his father's house. He wanted Goldia to meet his family.
Goldia could not wait. She was starting to believe that she had found her soulmate. She was actually happy with another person without them showering her with gifts.
Goldia drove to the address he had written down on the piece of paper he gave her.
The house was way out in the country. The house looked old. But it was tiny. The young man seemed rich when they were together. The only thing that was odd , was the roses.
They were all peach and golden. They looked Victorian like the old woman's house.
Goldia knocked on the front door. No answer. So she went right in. The kitchen table was set up for four place settings.
The furniture was older then time again. In front of each place setting was a bowl of red soup. When Goldia looked closer at the soup bowls, she saw that the red soup was blood and bones.
Then she saw the pictures on the wall. They were of a circus. But in one picture she saw the good looking young man and the old woman from the coffee shop. In those pictures, it looked like the picture was taken over 200 years ago.
How could that be? The last picture was of the young man and his family in cages. They were in bear costumes.
That is when the old woman walked into the room.
The old woman said ,
" Goldia didn't your mother teach you not to talk to strangers? or for that matter, not to walk right into their home."
" I was invited here for dinner."
" Not really. You were not invited here for dinner as a guest. You were invited for the main course."
Goldia ran out of the house. The stupid brat forgot the fact that she could drive. She just ran into the woods. Goldia saw a cute baby bear in the woods. She was out of breath.
The baby bear growled a cute baby animal sound. Then a bigger bear came out.
It was his grandmother.
The grandmother of all bears. The bear could talk.
Goldia said;
" Are you going to eat me now? "
" Not this very minute... my dear... I am just a crazy old woman. I am going to let my grandson eat you."
Goldia giggled and sighed a sigh of relief. He was a cub. What harm could he do?
The baby bear was more then animal. He had grown into a man in his human form. So he had the strength of a man.
The baby bear moved his paw out and he swung at Goldia. His claws were razor sharp. He cut her leg open. Goldia screamed and started to roll over when a big paw stopped her.
It was the papa bear.
He leaned down into her ear,
" You are now the victim of someone else's game of cat and mouse. It does not feel so well, does it my dear?"
Goldia only cried like the baby she was.
She shook her head in agreement.
The papa bear said ,
" Now silly child you can leave. But before you go... I think we would like to give you something for your troubles."
" You mean you want to help me with my scars."
" No... The trouble you've caused needs to be set right , you stupid whore. "
Then the grandmother bear walked up to the dumb blonde girl. She said to her in a cold indifferent voice;
" Say you are sorry child."
" Yes I am sorry."
" Very Good."
Then the old woman bit the stupid whore's head off.
The baby bear ate her legs like fried chicken.
The papa bear at the rest of her.
When they were done , they went back inside of their cottage house for tea and soup.
The End
Or;
The golden girl
By;
Jessica Singleton
" You think you have seen the most terrible thing. The thing that coalesces all of your nightmares into a freakish horror that actually exist." - Stephen King from the Book Full Dark No Stars
" Deleterious - Harmful in an unexpected way. " - definition according to the dictionary
Part 1
or
The first bad event
This is real. I cannot wake up from this. It just lingers. The truth is so loud. No one can cover this up. I am sure there are a lot of people out there who have made a stitch in this quilt of wrongs.
But she smiles into her own reflection as she puts on another coat of makeup. She covers her face with an image that she only wishes that she could project.
Goldia was a brat from the day she was born. I do not not mean wild or child at heart. Goldia was nothing more then a pathetic excuse for an adult.
It was because no one ever told her no. She was just allowed to do whatever she wanted. The older she got, the worse she became. Until her silly behavior turned into a narcissistic example of the most obnoxious TWIT that anyone could have the misfortune of bumping into in life.
Goldia would purposely go out of her way to be a part of other people's lives each day. She would trip kids in parks and find a way to accidentally bump into old people.
It seemed to give her pleasure to do so.
Goldia lived in England. She had lived there for two years. Goldia was in college. She was a rich little twit that loved to spend other people's money.
That summer it was hot. Goldia got bored. She went into a coffee shop to get a cup of iced coffee and a cookie one day.
Goldia saw this tiny little old woman leaving with her bag of sweets. Goldia needed a kick. So she got up and she purposly accidentally knocked the old woman down.
In the due process of knocking the elderly woman down, Goldia stepped on the old woman's bag of cookies.
Then when that was not enough. Goldia made an issue out of the situation. Then she got so loud that the manager had to come over to where they were. Goldia made it out like the old woman attacked her because she was to blind to see where she was going. The manager made the old woman apologize to the blonde idiot girl.
The old woman was only confused at that point. Why would anyone think that it was her fault compared to this young woman?
The old woman had to re buy her cookies and then take the train home.
It is odd how people laugh at the elderly and prize the young just because they are pretty. The older woman was in pain on the way home. She had bruises all over her leg where that dumb girl accidentally kicked her on the way down.
The old woman cried silently on the way home.
2
Goldia wanted more action out that old woman. She had to find her. So she ask around the coffee shop about her. The manager knew the woman because she came in all the time to buy those cookies for her grandson.
He told Goldia that the old woman's name was Carroll BuckworthBack.
So Goldia looked up Carroll in the phone book.
Then Goldia drove out to look at Carroll's house.
The cottage house was grey brick and had a beautiful flower garden in the backyard.
Goldia looked into the windows. She saw a lot of older furniture. That stuff must have been worth a fortune. It looked older then time. It must have been in Carroll's family for centuries.
3
Goldia made a hobby of going to the cottage house and picking the old woman's flowers.
They were always the peach orange roses. Goldia would chop them up and leave them on the porch for the old woman. Magically the next day, when Goldia came back to the old woman's house, the flowers were perfect again. It was as though the day before she had not harmed them.
Then Goldia saw that the old woman had a son. The son was older then Goldia by at least 25 years or more. Goldia only had one purpose for him anyway. So Goldia accidentally bumped into the guy. She flirted with him and before long they were dating. Goldia ask about the grandson. But her new boy friend did not say much. He claimed that his son was grown and living else where.
Goldia taunted the old woman constantly when the son was not there.
Goldia would constantly tell the boyfriend how his mother was mean and insane at her old age. Goldia would suggest that the old woman be locked up for her own safety.
But nothing ever happened to the old woman.
Goldia had not seen much of the cottage house. The dates that Goldia went on , were always in pubic.
One day Goldia was in public. A young good looking man with soft teddy bear eyes accidentally bumped into her. He was perfect. He noticed her instead of the other way around. He actually liked her. Then they started to date.
One night the sweet guy invited her over to his father's house. He wanted Goldia to meet his family.
Goldia could not wait. She was starting to believe that she had found her soulmate. She was actually happy with another person without them showering her with gifts.
Goldia drove to the address he had written down on the piece of paper he gave her.
The house was way out in the country. The house looked old. But it was tiny. The young man seemed rich when they were together. The only thing that was odd , was the roses.
They were all peach and golden. They looked Victorian like the old woman's house.
Goldia knocked on the front door. No answer. So she went right in. The kitchen table was set up for four place settings.
The furniture was older then time again. In front of each place setting was a bowl of red soup. When Goldia looked closer at the soup bowls, she saw that the red soup was blood and bones.
Then she saw the pictures on the wall. They were of a circus. But in one picture she saw the good looking young man and the old woman from the coffee shop. In those pictures, it looked like the picture was taken over 200 years ago.
How could that be? The last picture was of the young man and his family in cages. They were in bear costumes.
That is when the old woman walked into the room.
The old woman said ,
" Goldia didn't your mother teach you not to talk to strangers? or for that matter, not to walk right into their home."
" I was invited here for dinner."
" Not really. You were not invited here for dinner as a guest. You were invited for the main course."
Goldia ran out of the house. The stupid brat forgot the fact that she could drive. She just ran into the woods. Goldia saw a cute baby bear in the woods. She was out of breath.
The baby bear growled a cute baby animal sound. Then a bigger bear came out.
It was his grandmother.
The grandmother of all bears. The bear could talk.
Goldia said;
" Are you going to eat me now? "
" Not this very minute... my dear... I am just a crazy old woman. I am going to let my grandson eat you."
Goldia giggled and sighed a sigh of relief. He was a cub. What harm could he do?
The baby bear was more then animal. He had grown into a man in his human form. So he had the strength of a man.
The baby bear moved his paw out and he swung at Goldia. His claws were razor sharp. He cut her leg open. Goldia screamed and started to roll over when a big paw stopped her.
It was the papa bear.
He leaned down into her ear,
" You are now the victim of someone else's game of cat and mouse. It does not feel so well, does it my dear?"
Goldia only cried like the baby she was.
She shook her head in agreement.
The papa bear said ,
" Now silly child you can leave. But before you go... I think we would like to give you something for your troubles."
" You mean you want to help me with my scars."
" No... The trouble you've caused needs to be set right , you stupid whore. "
Then the grandmother bear walked up to the dumb blonde girl. She said to her in a cold indifferent voice;
" Say you are sorry child."
" Yes I am sorry."
" Very Good."
Then the old woman bit the stupid whore's head off.
The baby bear ate her legs like fried chicken.
The papa bear at the rest of her.
When they were done , they went back inside of their cottage house for tea and soup.
The End
Sunday, June 25, 2017
Etch a Sketch My ideas for art
Art by; Jessica Singleton
I love art. I am a big geeky fan of art. But my art talent is limited to a 9th grade elective section. So I'm not Paul Booth. My talent is my writing. I am creative but not so much where it counts.
I taught myself to draw at an early age. I loved crayons and water colors. I used to sit at the kitchen table, and my mother would let me paint all over the newspapers.
I had some coloring books when I was a kid. My favorite were the coloring books that just needed water and then the page came to life.
I took an art class an elective in the 7th, 8th, and 9th grade.
Then my junior year, I took a graphic arts class. Graphic arts really is not the same as a coloring book.
Anyway... I like to doodle. I am not that bad at it.
The big thing right now in the art section of life is the blotter come backs and the modern blotch of color on paper.
Pop culture never goes out but when I started to create art, I created things that I wanted for my own home.
So they were not really meant for everyone's taste.
I do love art. But I really am limited to what I can do.
They say that if you practice anything, you get better.
I have been at that art thing for years.
I'm way above the stick figure drawings but I do not see the improvements on my end.
I keep trying though.
So what I wanted was to work with glass in art.
Like trick mirrors that are placed just so inside of the painting.
That way, it looks like you're standing inside of the art.
A child looking into a mirror. BUT she is looking off to her side in the reflection. In the doorway's reflection of the mirror, you see you looking. The way this works. You put the trick mirror in the tiny square of the doorway that is in the mirror. That way when you look at the painting of the room. The doorway is just a doorway in a painting. And you are only reflected inside of the mirror.
The other paintings were a stairwell that circled around an old tree. The tree was in a room that was filled with dark water.
Where is my inspiration for this;
When I was a kid, my aunt lived out in the country. There was an old seller on her property.
That seller filled with dark black water. I was scared of it when I was a kid.
I kept seeing myself in it.
So it became the muse for a lot of inspiration.
The house was an old 1920's house. It had the best stairwell in it.
But I was pushed down the stairs and I had a fear of stairs too.
I always thought that stairwells were beautiful. Even in a nightmare , they were pretty to look at.
I took to off brand clay animation cartoons and vintage advertisements.
Oddities and ironically enough not so much colors but expressions behind people's eyes.
My own emotions were my biggest muse.
Growing up in fear and regret does a lot.
One year when I was in the 4th grade, I went to a carnival. I got this glass picture with a unicorn on it. It was shades of blues in midnight. It was beautiful. I accidentally broke it. When I looked down at the pretty picture that was in a lot of pieces, it was even more beautiful to me. So I took to broken glass at that moment.
When I was about 4 years old , further back into my childhood, my parents took me to a circus. I loved it. I just instantly took to it.
So I do not know where that leaves me.
I bought a magazine that sells tiny ovens to heat glass works.
To make trick mirrors, really all they do is stretch and bend the mirror.
It cost money to be an artist. Not much money in it until you're dead though.
I did not want to do it for money.
I really loved art.
When I was in my early 20's , I was seeing a doctor Minor in Tulsa. We got to talking about art again.
I told him my ideas for this then.
That was almost 20 years ago.
I am 37 years old now. I will be 38 in December of 2017.
My ideas are original. No one in history has the same ideas as me.
Not unless they are lying or faking it for show.
I keep sketch pads and have been doodling for over 30 years now.
I did not just start. It is not like I'm some pathetic loser singer who wants to put themselves around the right people with other people's accomplishments . No I have my own life. I'm not pathetic .
Pictures of me and some of the things that I've doodled.
I like to color
I love art. I am a big geeky fan of art. But my art talent is limited to a 9th grade elective section. So I'm not Paul Booth. My talent is my writing. I am creative but not so much where it counts.
I taught myself to draw at an early age. I loved crayons and water colors. I used to sit at the kitchen table, and my mother would let me paint all over the newspapers.
I had some coloring books when I was a kid. My favorite were the coloring books that just needed water and then the page came to life.
I took an art class an elective in the 7th, 8th, and 9th grade.
Then my junior year, I took a graphic arts class. Graphic arts really is not the same as a coloring book.
Anyway... I like to doodle. I am not that bad at it.
The big thing right now in the art section of life is the blotter come backs and the modern blotch of color on paper.
Pop culture never goes out but when I started to create art, I created things that I wanted for my own home.
So they were not really meant for everyone's taste.
I do love art. But I really am limited to what I can do.
They say that if you practice anything, you get better.
I have been at that art thing for years.
I'm way above the stick figure drawings but I do not see the improvements on my end.
I keep trying though.
So what I wanted was to work with glass in art.
Like trick mirrors that are placed just so inside of the painting.
That way, it looks like you're standing inside of the art.
A child looking into a mirror. BUT she is looking off to her side in the reflection. In the doorway's reflection of the mirror, you see you looking. The way this works. You put the trick mirror in the tiny square of the doorway that is in the mirror. That way when you look at the painting of the room. The doorway is just a doorway in a painting. And you are only reflected inside of the mirror.
The other paintings were a stairwell that circled around an old tree. The tree was in a room that was filled with dark water.
Where is my inspiration for this;
When I was a kid, my aunt lived out in the country. There was an old seller on her property.
That seller filled with dark black water. I was scared of it when I was a kid.
I kept seeing myself in it.
So it became the muse for a lot of inspiration.
The house was an old 1920's house. It had the best stairwell in it.
But I was pushed down the stairs and I had a fear of stairs too.
I always thought that stairwells were beautiful. Even in a nightmare , they were pretty to look at.
I took to off brand clay animation cartoons and vintage advertisements.
Oddities and ironically enough not so much colors but expressions behind people's eyes.
My own emotions were my biggest muse.
Growing up in fear and regret does a lot.
One year when I was in the 4th grade, I went to a carnival. I got this glass picture with a unicorn on it. It was shades of blues in midnight. It was beautiful. I accidentally broke it. When I looked down at the pretty picture that was in a lot of pieces, it was even more beautiful to me. So I took to broken glass at that moment.
When I was about 4 years old , further back into my childhood, my parents took me to a circus. I loved it. I just instantly took to it.
So I do not know where that leaves me.
I bought a magazine that sells tiny ovens to heat glass works.
To make trick mirrors, really all they do is stretch and bend the mirror.
It cost money to be an artist. Not much money in it until you're dead though.
I did not want to do it for money.
I really loved art.
When I was in my early 20's , I was seeing a doctor Minor in Tulsa. We got to talking about art again.
I told him my ideas for this then.
That was almost 20 years ago.
I am 37 years old now. I will be 38 in December of 2017.
My ideas are original. No one in history has the same ideas as me.
Not unless they are lying or faking it for show.
I keep sketch pads and have been doodling for over 30 years now.
I did not just start. It is not like I'm some pathetic loser singer who wants to put themselves around the right people with other people's accomplishments . No I have my own life. I'm not pathetic .
Pictures of me and some of the things that I've doodled.
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