Don't worry , I don't love you. by Jessica Singleton ( poem)

Don't worry, I don't love you-
                          By;
           Jessica     Singleton

You walked in front of me to tell me that you needed my attention. There was something that couldn't wait.
I did not have much time but I listened anyway.
I saw you through.
You only wanted me to know that I should not worry because you don't love me.
I ask why you needed me to know that?
Considering that I did not even know you at all.
You wanted me to know that I was dirty and screwed up.
That you had the right to push me. You wanted to punish me. You said , that I deserved punishment for not meeting your standards. In your eyes, I was a loser.
You riped me apart from the inside out and knocked the crap out of me.
Then when you find out that I'm not dirty. That it was a mistake based on other people's lies.
When you took the time to get to know me, then you wanted me to know that I don't have to worry, because you don't love me enough to hurt me more.
You only do things when you give a crap.
I'm starting over and trying to get off the ground.  There is not much left of me.
Not after you tore my life up.
Then you get a call from a person that you do not give a load about. Some stinky spoiled brat wants your help with punishing innocent people but clean you wants to have fun at other people's expenses.
Someone wants you to come help them screw up the people's lives around me.
But that is okay, 
no worries for you.
You don't love anyone here.
So it will not bother you to lose them.
I'm in a shadow state and I'm drunk , until it is too late to bring them back.
But that is okay, 
you and your loser friend on the phone don't have to worry,
I need to know 
that you know 
that I do love you.
Why I'll never really know?
But that is okay because I don't mean enough to you, and then again....
I SHOULDN'T worry anyway ,
because you don't love me.
It is to hard to look me in the eyes after what you did.
But didn't you know, I do worry because I know that you will tare me in two.
So I live in a nightmare state.
I know I'll look over my shoulders the rest of my life.
Just waiting on the day that you finally kill me too.
I'm not worth enough to you because of the blood that runs through my veins and I'm not at the top of your to do list.
To many tomorrows for you.
To little 
and 
to late for me.
Why bother when you can have it all by knocking me down?
Now I want you to know ,
I've been here to many times to be surprised.
I have a little time saved up and you decide that you should take that too.
But if I don't scream and draw attention to myself when you're killing me. 
That would make you happy.
Because you don't want to get caught, then you'll give me a breath of what is already mine.
I can yell and I can scream.
I can say anything that I want but if I do,
Then you will punish me more before you kill me.
There is that silver light behind the clouds.
Lucky me.
Lucky you.
You gave me an chance to say thank you . 
Like I owe you that.
But I want you to know, that you don't have to worry, because I don't love you.
I am not going to shut my mouth and let you take advantage of me again.
I am guessing that you will keep doing just that until the day you finally kill me.
I'm not suicidal but fuck I'm not stupid.
You're as dumb as your friends,
 if you think that I want to lay down while you rape me again.
Because I cannot deal with this anymore.
But don't worry,
I don't love you either.
So I will not turn out like you.
Don't worry,
Please don't trouble your head.
God knows not much goes on there anyway.
Not if you think like this.
But I want you know, 
you don't have to spare my feelings.
Because I don't love you anymore.

Winter Garden by Jessica Singletono

Winter Garden
By; 
Jessica  Singleton

" Hope is thing with feathers -
that perches in the soul. -
and sings the tune without the words.  
And never stops at all.
And sore must be the storm ,
that could abash the little bird,
that kept so many warm. " - Emily Dickinson

                 Winter Garden
                        1

Once upon a time, there lived a kind old man.  He was a tailor by trade. He made mens shoes in the villiage near his home.  The kind old man had a hobby of cutting word into figures and puppets.
He owned a beautiful cottage house in the woods.  Outside of his cottage house was a beautiful white garden.  The garden made the world look like winter year round.
The garden was planted by the man's wife before she died ten years before.
Only white flowers and white pumpkins grew.  
The old man loved his life but he was older.  He wanted to move into the city and retire.  He wanted to live near his son.
So the older man sold his home to a younger man who had his own son.

                         2

" Get out of the car and do not play with anything. We are only here to look.  I want this house. I do not want you messing anything up with all your nonsense.  Do I make myself clear? "

The small boy looked to young for his age.  He was very pale and that gave him angelic features.  The boy was short and thin too.  He looked like clay animation cartoon from a vintage creepy show of freaks.  In his own way he was beautiful and perfect.  Even if the world around him did not notice.
The boys name was Henry.  Henry never met his mother.  He assumed that he did not have one at all.
His father was a serious man that never smiled.  By the time , Henry thought to say yes or anything, it was too late again.
His father was irritated that Henry had not responded in time.
His father was grunting something as he got out of the car.
The elderly man was walking towards them.  He looked older then time.  The elderly man's name was John.
John was a tall thin man who smelled of new leather and coffee.  He had kind eyes.
John smiled at the boy.  No one ever smiled at Henry.  Henry blinked but his attention was caught by the wooden puppets that hung on the wall.
The older man turned to see what Henry was looking at.  He smiled and said to the boy,
" Those are my hobbys.  I guess all I need is a talking cricket. haha... No but would you like one?  I have so many.  They pile up anymore.  I have a lot to move from my shop and home.  I have a son that is about your dad's age. "
Henry smiled and shook his head.
John took the three puppets off the wall.
One had on red painted cover alls, one had a silver button, and one puppet had a funny hat.
" You can have your pick."
Henry looked them over but the one he liked the best had red pants. So he picked the one on the end.
Henry's dad walked up to them.
" I am so sorry.  You do not have to give him toys.  He is 13 years old not five. He knows better and he has a room full of toys. Really this is not needed.  I am so sorry.  "
" No ... no... No trouble at all.  The boy was helping me out.  I ask him to take some of this old junk off my hands.  Look at me... I'm in my 80's and I still play with stringed puppets.  I do not think they have an age limit.  Do they Henry? "
" Yes. "
" Yes, did you just speak?  I cannot get one word out of you the whole way here. Then you talk now."
John smiled at the boy and said, " I cannot imagine why. Fall makes everyone sleepy.  When I am sleepy, I do not talk either. "
Henry knew what the old man was getting at.  He was not talking about fall.
They walked into the back of the shoe shop to a desk.  The man gave Henry's dad Bill a map and directions to the old house.
They agreed to meet there.
Bill drove behind John and they went to see the house.
Bill apologized for the garden.  It had grown wild through the years.  
The paperwork did not take long at all.  The house was their new home.
Just like that in a blink of an eye.
It was cleaned for them.  Henry went to his new room.  He put his puppet with his teddy bear.
Henry had an old bear that he could not live without.  Now he had two friends.
The bear's name was Mustard.  Only because Henry loved Mustard.  Henry sat and stared at his new puppet for about an hour.  What would he name it?
Finally, Henry pretended that Mustard suggested the name, Pencil.  Mustard told Henry it was because the puppet was made out of pencil wood and it already had been colored in.
Bill ordered pizza for them.  When Henry came downstairs with his new puppet, Bill ask his son to take his toy away from the table.
" That belongs in a toy box , when you're not playing with it. I have told you about that crap at the dinner table.  Take him back. "
Henry shook his head no.
Bill stood up and he grabbed the puppet.  He threw it out the front door into the yard.
" When you're done eating, then you can go get him.  If you still want him.  It may rain. I would not want that junk getting messed up.  This will teach you to do as you are told. "
Henry took a big bite of pizza.  Then he got up from the table and he went outside to sit in the yard with his toy. Henry sat on the ground with the puppet and he rocked back and forth.
Bill waited until it was dark, then he went into the yard, and he picked up his child and the toy to bring them back into the house.
Henry's body was small and light.  So he looked more like a toddler, then a teenager.
Bill looked like he did not know how to feel guilt.  So he felt anger.  He took off and then came home drunk.


                           3

Henry's dad stayed out of the house from then on out.  He was never home.
Henry was a sad little boy.  He did not like being yelled at.  So he did not like it when his father came home.  But Henry felt alone and he wished that he had someone to talk to.
So Mustard and Pencil went to the garden with Henry.  They drew faces on the pumpkins...
Then they had their own family.
When it was dark and the moon was in the sky, the dark teal leaves looked like Sapphires.
Henry stayed out later and later, until he got sick.
Henry was so weak that he could not get out of bed.
No one cared.
No one except Pencil and Mustard.  They talked to the boy on and off again.
Finally one night the boys father came home.
He ask Henry if he needed anything? 
Henry ask for his teddy bear.
Mustard was across the room.
Henry's dad started to yell again.
" You are not a child.  Why do you think that you need a teddy bear to sleep with?  Would you act your age. Most boys your age are into girls by now."
Henry was too afraid to cry.  So he hid his face under the covers.
Bill went to bed and left Henry alone.
The next day Bill took Henry into town, to see a doctor.
The doctor gave Henry the medication to make him feel better and to heal him.
Henry got better and he was happy.
With Henry's dad out of the house and away from the mail box, Henry got the mail out.
One day Henry got an envelope from a woman who claimed to be his mother.
Henry could not figure out why,  his father was keeping him from his mother. Mother's were supposed to be good things.
So Henry wrote the woman back.
Henry's letter was in crayon.
Henry drew pumpkins on the bottom of the paper.
Henry wanted his mother to know that he existed too.
Then when Henry's mom found out that the boy was sick due to his father's lack of being around to watch him, she gained full custody.
Then Henry had a mom.
She really did care about him.
Henry was never yelled at again.
And Henry was allowed to have Pencil and Mustard at the dinner table.
                        The   End

Monkey Hands by Jessica Singleton

                                                    Monkey  Hands        

                                                              By ;

                                                  Jessica  Singleton


Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls of all ages. Please feast your eyes upon this sideshow. This is the show to see. Right here and right now. - Common Circus

The definition to the word insanity, is to do the same thing over and over again. Only you expect different results each time. - Albert Einstein 

The Little Dog laughed to see such a sight. And the dish ran away with the spoon. - Diddle Diddle


                   1
I went out on Friday to apply for a new job.  It did not take long. They had an easy day of it. I filled out simple paper work and the lady saw me right away.
I got the new job.  I was very happy. I got a drink on the way home.
The weekend was lazy. I stayed in bed and I read a book.  Nothing happened until Monday.
Monday Ak came over.  He has not been to my house for years.  I almost did not expect to see him. He wanted to start over.  I did not want to see him leave again. I seemed to take to him. 
I was looking into his eyes when he was talking.
He looked like he could not guess what my response would be.
I did not want to jump at him. But I did not want to hessitate.
I was as afraid of him leaving as he was afraid of being turned out.
This is just wishful speaking.
I curled up into him. I do that.  I like playing with his hair when he is wrapped around me.
It felt so good to have him breathe on me and to be in his arms again.
I really do love him.
Things seemed like they went back to normal again.

                A few days later


                         2

I found a home for sale.  This is where my story begins. I wanted it. The job approval made that easy. So I could obtain that home and then not lose it ever.

                   I wanted to go out and look for candles and junk to decorate with.  I went to a few thrift stores and then hobby lobby.
   AK was working , so he was not with me that day.  When I went into that one thrift shop, I found a table that I bought. It was not much.  I could afford it.
It was metal and vintage. When I was in the thrift shop, I found this old book.  It was one of those finds that never happens.  It was poetry from POE.  
I also found myself talking to the woman behind the counter.  She and I were talking about antiques and then that lead into a conversation about old blankets.  How you never get rid of odd things.  But in reality, if you moved somewhere and found an old blanket , you'd never keep it.
Why is that?
I guess that is like family in general.  If a stranger offended you, you'd never forgive them.  But even though it hurts more when family hurts you, you always love them.  In fact you will take family back.
Anyway I was in that antique store for over an hour talking.
By the time it was time to leave, it was late.
I was hungry.  I text AK.  He met me at that diner that sits on the highway.  Then we got something at the alcohol shop before he spent the night with me.
His clothes are always all over the floor by time he is asleep.
It is funny.  I do not bother picking them up.
I guess I do not want him to put them back on.


                  3
So this new job was easy.  Anyway my story is about the antique shop.  I got restless one night. So I walked into town.  I was on that main road.  It is lined with antique shops.
I happened to look into the window. I guess I was window shopping.
I saw this doll that was big for a doll.  It was moving it's mouth.  It looked like one of those mechanical puppets talking.  But no one was in the shop to move it's strings.
Then I saw a wooden monkey sitting on a shelf.  It had the puppet stings in it's tiny hands.
I went on.
A few days later I saw it again.
When I ask the woman in the shop about it, she was acting odd.
I wanted to know the truth.
So one night I stayed in the shop after hours.
I had to know what was going on.
The old woman who owned the shop had a child once.
Where was it? 
That doll was a not a doll.  It was a person who had been through a lot of surgeries.  So they had the face of a puppet.
They could talk, but their thoughts were jumbled like they had a problem thinking right.
The girl had been through a lot. 
So her mother hid her in the shop.
That way no one would know that she lived.
The monkey was a toy.
He wound up and the strings were put into his hands.
That way the girl would not feel alone.
The toy monkey was wound to the point of his own strings popping out of joint.
That way he'd go all night jerking at the strings.
The strings made the girl feel alive, since she was pretty much a doll.
I could not figure out why her mother left her in there like that.
I worried that she was being neglected.
I thought she would want to get out of the shop.
So one day when the lady was not looking, I tried to move her.
She started to cry and one of her wooden legs jerked out.
As though she was trying to kick me.
The woman heard and she came out from the back of the shop.
I told her what happened and why.
She told me about her child.
Her child had a toy monkey.  Her child was insane. She was born that way.
Nothing was wrong with her.
She was just crazy.
Anyway they had been in an accident years before.  The monkey was the last thing the child saw.
So when the girl came out of her mirrored state, she did not want to leave certain things.
She refused to leave the last place that was home.
The shop used to be a downtown city apartment.
Now a thrift shop.
The woman saw no harm.
She kept her in the shop and took care of her there.
Every night she would wound the monkey up . That way her daughter would not think that he died.
Because when they had the accident, the child halfway woke up.
She did not understand why the monkey would not talk to her anymore.
  There was nothing wrong.
I felt bad.  She looked just like a real doll.  That is because she wore a mask and she had a wooden leg.
                    The  End

The reason why you do not lie

I am awake. I need to brush my teeth. I'm waiting on my PM to kick in.  Nothing to say at this hour.  I do not know why there would be. I have not been reading much.

So random entry needs something to make it anything worth much.

Okay,

Short story because I saw the cutest mouse today.

Squeaky's Big  Day -
By ;
Jessica  Singleton

Once upon a time , there lived a tiny mouse named Mr. Squeaks.  He loved cherry suckers and raisins.  Mr. Squeaks was much smaller then most mice his own age.  That was okay by him.  It made it easy to move around.
No matter the size of the hole, he always got through.
One day Mr. Squeaks went to the public library.  He was only stopping in to use their bathroom.  But once he saw what books were he loved them more.
So he moved his few belongings into the public library.  That way he could read a book before he borrowed it's pages for toilet paper.
Mr. Squeaks saw a cigarette lying in the floor of the men's room.

But what he did not know was that, that was not a cigarette.  Before he realized that, he lit up.  That made him dizzy.
Poor bastard fell over.
Some old man mistook Mr. Squeaks for dead.
So he was going to throw Mr. Squeaks into the toilet to flush him.
But Mr. Squeaks woke up.
He yelled out.
It scared the old man.
So the old man dropped him in fear that he would be bit.
Mr. Squeaks , was relived to be alive and not swimming in human waste.
He was a bit out of sorts but he went about his marry way.
He went down town for a snack.
There was his favorite candy shop.
His favorite treat was the jelly beans.
Those were always fun sized.
After his big adventure and then the smoke, he needed munchies.
Poor bastard met a stray cat upon his way.
He was to silly to run far.
So Mr. Squeaks jumped down a drain.
The cat got tired of waiting, so it left him alone.
Mr. Squeaks was just happy to be alive again.
He had  literally had enough for one day.
So he went home to his old shoe.
                 The  End

Best Friend shot story ideas

Best  Friend
                           By  ;

            Jessica   Singleton


" Where are you at when I need you most.  You are not here.  You are not there.  Come out and play with me. Don't be afraid of the dark. I will stand in front of the mirror. I will stare at myself until you leave me and show your own face.  Don't talk behind the curtains. Don't whisper from the inside of my head. Please come out and play with me. " - ME.

" The pain reliever that last 24 hours. "

" When you are loved , you do not mind being hurt. " - The velveteen rabbit


                         Side notes;
This is a fictional story based on nothing. Just for fun.  I made this up the other night when thinking about the myth of Bloody Mary.  Not really my thing but hey... Who does not love a ghost story?
So this is just an excuse to make up a spooky tale and get to think about antiques and Victorian homes.  Ahh this sounds fun already.

              Now for the story part.

                           Best Friend

                             One
Tea was named after her mother's favorite drink.  She did not live with her mother.  She lived with her father.
Sadday was a doctor.  He loved his daughter.

              Note these are just notes and ideas.

The doctor moves his child to a small town.  Then he buys an old home.  The house is haunted.
The young girl is the typical brat type.  Dark hair , mousy face...  Gets everything that she wants.  If she does not, then she throws a fit.
The dad is a weak excuse for a man.  Probably a titmouse and small weeney disorder.
The child finds out that something bad had happened in the house years before.
So she gets a Ouija board.  She pulls out a spirit of a dead child.
They play tricks on each other, until it gets deadly.
   The point of the story.  Do not ask to talk to something that should stay in the dark , not unless you really want its company.
blah blah blah and something interesting goes here.
                            The END.
There is no split personality.
It is just what it is.
The truth comes out though.
All is well with the world then.
What was off set goes back.

The Fine Print by Jessica Singleton

These are ideas for the next part in a story that I keep working on called The Price of Freedom.  This chapter is called The Fine Print because it deals with contracts and the rules of law with that.  I am going to make this choppy and speed it up. So it does not take that long to type out.  I'm lazy. Get to the point.
Jessica  Singleton


The   Price   Of   Freedom
           The fine print
                   By ;
      Jessica    Singleton


                   1

Jessica worked at the Department of Human services in Malham Texas.  Malham was a little town that housed 30 thousand people.  Most were Mexican , Chinese or Black.  Only 10 thousand of the 30 thousand residents were white.

Jessica's sister Dailia lived in one of the only three low income apartments. Getting into low income housing was hard by itself.  You had to fall into low income.  There are so many problems. Starting with the waiting list.  It usually takes a person at least a year to get into low income.

Jessica lived in a regular apartment by herself with her cat Twink.  Twink was a Tonkinese cat.  Jessica loved her job, it was the only thing that made her feel better by the end of the day, besides books.

Life is hard on the mind and its worse on the soul.  The things that life can make you go through, will cause more psychological problems, then physical damages due to a car wreck.

Jessica grew up hearing about her grandmother and all the problems that her family went through.  It was the reason that her family was dirt poor.  Jessica was lucky that she had the job that she did.
Her sister made the mistake in starting the party life style at a young age.  That held her back financially by being a single mother and an x drug addict. Her sister did not have an education and she did not have a car.

Jessica's job did give her some allowance but it was not much.  She got by every month.

There was always money for food, gas, shampoo, books and health care.

She was not into wall to wall anything.  So having the basics was not a bad thing.  She hated clutter anyway.

When Jessica drove through the city, it was discouraging to see how bad life was for some people.  There was nothing that you could do to help them.  They were set up like chess pieces to die by the hands of society.  There was just not much you could do to help out.
Jessica tried to explain to young women when they came into her job, that going through tanif was better then not.  Low income is a short stick.  It would be better to let the state put you back in school.  At least then, you would not be hoping to wait on a check.  You'd have some rights.
Most young women did not care.  They just gave up. It sounded like a lot of hard work.  They were already tired and sick of waiting on anything to happen.  They just did what they had to do to get by.
Jessica's sister was always telling her about the landlady that worked at her apartment complex.
The landlady was shady but no one could ever really say that.
It was always something. If it was not the outlets or the pipes, then it was the washers or the dryers.  Things got fixed , but it was always something.
One time Dailia went to pay rent.  It was 4:50 PM.  The office closed at 5:00 PM , everyday.  But when Dailia got to the office, the landlady looked at her when she put up the closed sign. So Dailia went around the building to her po box.  When she walked back around the building, she saw a white woman walking into the office.  So she walked in and ask if she could pay her rent.
The Landlady said,
" We closed a few minutes ago. I was already in the middle of this. I am sorry.  Just come back in the morning. Comprehend eh? "
Technically that was a lie.  But then again... How do you prove that?  By all means , it could have very well been five - fifty PM when Dailia left her apartment.  But you figure in five minutes to walk over there.
Maybe that woman was already in the office and just walked out to get something. Who really knows?


                        2

          Jessica got into her office , when her phone rang. It was not her office phone though. It was her cellphone.  Dailia knew not to call Jessica at work unless it was an emergency.  Jessica picked up.

" Hey what's going on ? Did something happen with the boys ? Are you okay ? "

" Nothing like that.  That stupid bi'ch did it again.  She had this pencil dick boyfriend walking around here a few weeks back.  You know you could tell by the way she hung on him.  Everyone knows she is a hoe bag slut and no one would put it past her to hit on her boss. I am telling you that woman has something to do with it. "

" Hey, hey ... I am at work.  I love you and all but this is the kind of thing that you can tell me about later.  I really am at work.  I cannot take this call.  I thought something was wrong. "

" Jessie, listen to me.  This is the problem.  That landlady is selling out.  She wants money.  I cannot prove it.  I get this letter. Hell the whole place did.  She is selling the complex.  Where are we all going to go? "

" Selling the complex? You live in low income.  They have to give you a year after contract before they can do stuff like that. "

" I know.  They did.  But I cannot just get in anywhere.  You know? "

" Okay, okay... well nothing is happening right now this very moment.  So I will come over when I get off work and we'll go over that contract together.  But right now, I'm at work. Okay can we do this later? "

" Yes, I'm sorry it is just... "

" I know it is okay.  I love you Dailia.  No one is going to make you homeless.  You can come live with me and Twink. "

" Thank you. I will talk to you when you get off. "

" Hey' I will bring take out. Tell my nephews I have Chi. "



                  3


4:45 PM.

Jessica's office door opens.  It was Sam her boss.

"  I should have brought this to you earlier but I just got it myself. "

" What is it? "

" The state wants us there for these things. It is just procedure.  My hands are tied. "

Jessica took the paper out of Sam's hands.  It was a report from big brother.  Social services were expected to be present when pr officers gave group sessions with troubled youths.

" What is this? "

" Inner city kids who are to young for prison are going to be a big brother project.  There are officers of law there but they want DHS involved.  It is to help them want to live a better life. "

" I do not understand. "

" You are the only one here with a phd.  You are the only runner up in this game show Jessica.  Don't worry it is not that bad.  They are kids. Not psycho  paths. It is like therapy for kids, and teens. "

" If they are kids.  What could they have done that is so bad to put them in prison cells? "

" Look at the files. "

" Look at the files ?  They have files already ? "

Sam dumped a stack of files on her desk.

" You are expected to be there tonight at 7 PM.  It is at the y.  No joke.  Community room. "

" Thanks... I think. "


                            4

Jessica got off work at 5:30 PM. She had very little time to see the files.  A ten year stabbed another kid because he took his ball away.  One kid was twelve and he took a baseball bat to a window of his neighbor's car, because they did not want to buy a chocolate bar for charity.  He must have wanted a pencil pack.  But the kid had a lot of mental issues.
Jessica bought take out and she went to her sister's apartment.  The contract said that it was owned by Indian / Mexican territory.  That meant hud could opt out but only Mexican's or Indians could buy it in a fair way.
No one could bully anyone out with contracts made from bullsh't.
Jessica told her sister there was a meeting at the city hall about it.  They'd go together and deal with it.

Then she went to the  y for her meeting with the youths of the city. The kids were loud and would not sit still.  The officer on duty helped her start the meeting.
Years of telling one thing to one group of people.  Now she was talking to a different group of people about a something else.

                     5.
That Friday Jessica and Dailia went to city hall.  City hall said that all those Mexicans and Indians out there should have enough money to move anywhere.  The state funds them extra cash from head rights every month.
Jessica and Dailia did not know what they were talking about.
That landlady never told them.
Cama lied to everyone that worked around her.
She went to JAIL.
Jessica and Dailia found out that they had a lot of money owed to them by the state of Texas.
So no one lost anything.
They actually got back everything that was stolen from them.

                   The  End

It needs a lot of work.

Tiny Glass people

She watches movies about people who put other people's tears into perfume bottles.  And she wishes that they'd take hers.

Cause she is drowning in them.

But if she'd only put those feelings on a nick nack shelf and forget them, then she'd probably get through her day just a little better then she gets through her own glass bottles.

                                     Tiny   Glass  People

                                                   By  ;     

                                     Jessica   Singleton   

                             Dear  Diary ,  

You know that you hid something a long time ago in your childhood when you go back there just to get away from being an adult.

I realized that when I kept buying dolls and eating treats like a five year old when I got upset.

But I collect dolls and there are millions of American's with nick nack shelves.   Who is to say that I do not just like that kind of thing? 

                                      Dear Diary , 

I ate out last month night.  It has been that long. I got my mail and I got this paperwork from this odd company that I used to work for. They owed me money.  I do not mean a 20 dollar check.  I mean millions of dollars.  They put me through this letter about signing papers.  They said that if I gave them my credit card number, they could wire the money to me.

So I did just that.

Then they said that they needed me to open a checking account to get my money.  I did that.

Then they only gave me 21 thousand dollars.  I ask the bank if they got the amount wrong?/

The bank said that is all there was.

Then I contacted the company.

They said that I got the correct amount.  

That was wrong.

I'd kept all that paperwork.

So I went to a lawyer.

He said I got screwed somewhere along the way. 

The lawyer looked into it.

Well, I am guessing that dip head company found out.

They did not want a lawsuit.

So I a check in the mail.  IT was for what I was originally owed.

The check totaled a little over 250 million dollars.

Go figure.

I do not keep up with this thing that often.

                              Dear   Diary  ,    

I got a new job.  I am so excited.  I got a writing contract with a European company.  They have me write ideas for them.  I get paid every week . They wire me money.

So I do not have to worry about trusting them.

They do not treat me like crap.

I moved to a flat near a hospital.

They fixed all my health problems.

I am so happy and healthy.

I got that clock that I wanted.

                                   Dear   Diary,

 Today things are odd.... I found a haunting story in the newspaper.  The whole town is taken in by it's history.  I actually had the time to go look at it.

I did.

I went to this great old girl and I got to do a walk through.

Oh thank God.

I was so happy.

                                           Dear   Diary ,

 Today I went to the ocean.  I do not swim.  I had a picnic with Michael.  He wanted to show me a book he bought.  I talked to him about that author that we both like.  We contemplated his work for over an hour. We really got along.  He is my best friend.

                                       Dear  Diary , 

I live happy and healthy.  Nothing could be better.  My boyfriend wants to marry me.  

                                             One   
                                                                   
I am not married.  I live on my own now.  The diary entries above are only an excuse of why I own my own home.  
I could not decide where to live.  I hate the sound of horns.  I am not a dog or a clown.  Why would anyone want a loud horn blazing in their ear at three in the morning?  You'd think that if you lived in a city, there would be a ring leader handing out tickets.
I did not want to be so far out in the middle of no where that it was a problem. 
 So I made a decision to be in the middle with it.  I found a home that was a few miles outside of town.  That way it was not out in the middle of no where.  But if you were not looking for it, you'd never find it. Plus I could not hear city lights in my bedroom.

I took in a pet.  I got an outside shelter dog.  Only for an alarm.  Living out in the country , does keep you alone.  You'd probably sleep right through foot steps.

I got a cat to live inside with me.  
A well trained cat that did not act like a maniac .  No one wants that.  It is never entertaining to deal with cats.  You have to want them around. They are the most beautiful creatures on earth, besides birds but they are insane.

This cat was great.

My story is not about living expenses or animals.
I started going to church again.  I found a place in the city that was very small.  They were good people.  They only want to worship GOD. So I did not have that burden of them using church as an excuse to form relationships.  Only some people are that pathetic.
I only wanted to go there to hear the word of God.  I did not want to feel molested by anyone.
Anyway there was a woman there who talked to me one Sunday after church.
She was older.  She owned a home out in the country too. She said that she had bought the house from her sister over 40 years ago.  She never went through any of the stuff that was piled up in the back rooms.
Old Victoria she called that house.  She told me that she knew that I liked dolls.  She ask me if I would like to help her clean the place.  She could pay me by letting me have anything that I wanted out of the mess.  She assured me that I would want to help.
I agreed.  Not because I wanted anything.  Because I wanted to help someone out.
I liked her from the moment that I saw her.  She looked like my grandmother.  I missed my own.
So the next week around Tuesday, I drove out to her place.
We had lemon- tea and cookies on the porch .  We talked about the weather and some of the thrift shops in town.
She told me how she used to go out to eat and then stroll the shops.  Only to window shop.
I told her about the neat lighting fixtures that I'd found when I moved to this town.
Then we got started.  She kept the back rooms cleaned.  She told me she wanted all that old stuff taken out and thrown away or I could keep it.
The clothes could be donated to the good will.
Then she said that she wanted the floors swept, mopped and the windows cleaned.  I did not see how this could be hard.  The rooms were packed.  Most of the stuff was only bulky.  Broken one legged chairs, picture frames and boxes of old clothes.  The dolls were not many. 
There were about 7 dolls.  They were vintage but not antiques.  They were in very good shape considering their ages.
Most of the dolls were made in the 1930's.  There was only one baby doll from the 1960's.  
I swept and I mopped both rooms.  I took the old wood  works, meaning the chairs and frames to be burnt out in a pile.  The boxes of clothes we drove into town for the good will.
They must have laughed when they opened those boxes.  Those clothes must have been covered in dust.
I got the dolls.  She made me a chicken salad sandwich and insisted that I stay for lunch.
Then I went home with my lovely dolls.
The moment that I pulled into my own drive way, I would have sworn that I heard an odd noise.
Like  a child's distant laughter or a bird.  I could not make it out.
Three days into the dolls being with me, and I found them in a new place.
Just as you would expect ,
I originally put them on a dresser.
They must have got up on their own.
They moved to the dinning room table.
They were set up to look like they were having a tea party.
A few months after that, I got home from work and I found the UPS man at my door.
He said he was a bit early with my package. I said that is okay. Do you need me to sign.
He said no but he ask me if I had a daughter? That confused me a little.  
I said I do not have a daughter.
He said that a child was on my porch.
She told him that I was not home.
None the less on time, I had a package.
It was not much.
New cellphone case.
Mine broke.
I assumed it was a neighbor kid. 
Probably picking my flowers.
I bet she did not want to get caught.
Someone had been stealing out of my garden.
But I had not caught them yet.
There are only two things little girls are good for.
Picking flowers
and
Winning you over.
I took my box inside of my home.
When I got into the house,
I saw her.
I blinked thinking that the sunlight was in my eyes.
No it was a child.
She looked vintage.
She had one of the dolls that I brought home.
She smiled and ran off.
I looked all over that house and I could not find her.
I went back to the church lady's home.
I ask her about the dolls and her sister.
She told me the truth.
Her sister died of scarlet fever when they were children.
Her sister's ghost would not leave.
She knew she was getting older.
She knew there would come a day when she could not take care of her sister anymore.
So she wanted to find her a good home.
I was okay with that.
She was not a monster.
Besides my cat took to her too.

                                    The   End