White Raven

I can feel my soul separated from me
When I think that I have caused you harm,
My heart is broken to pieces if you are upset by anything.
Every breath catches on the tips of my fingers.
I don't want to hurt you.
But you can't see what you are causing.
And I am with you in the end.
Whether in your arms or the reason you will finally hate me.

It will pull at your heart and captivate you until you collapse into its embrace.
Fully alive and awake.

I am sorry.

Feel this feeling dance all around you while you try to sleep.
It will pull at your heart until you give in and take flight.

Like a white bird in winter.
Beautiful world turned into ice and sugar.
When the kaleidoscope turns
Your eyes emerge from the dream,
The only symphony is the flutter of wings.

And I will fall from this sky until I am awake.

Day 2on time

They honestly don't care.
They actually think this should go on.
I'm constantly abused.
To the level of inhumanity.
They want me to say that it never happened.
They want me to foot the bill of this insanity.
I think they expect the abuse to continue at a natural rate.
As though I can stave as long as I am over charged.
They mock my abuse and they point at me as though I'm out of line.
I am in a rage.
I feel so alone, cornered , surrounded and abused all at once.
I'm not out of control.
Who would not scream at this point?
They steal from me through racism and mostly greed.
I assume I should get my freedom, life, health and money back.
They then accuse me of trying to get rich quick.
As though I am asking for a handout.
As though I am tacky and greedy.
Who are you?
Answer-
Apparently the only person who
Is still alive that
knows what you did.


I get paid on the 3rd of every month.
Unless the 3rd falls on a holiday or weekend.
Then under those circumstances I get paid early.
February of 2018- I should get paid on the 2nt day of the month.
On December 1st 2017, someone hacked my checking account and they stole my ssi.
Then it showed up later.
But there was more to it.

In remembrance of the Holocaust

I'm afraid that there is a misconception about my faith.

I'm not ashamed of my nationality.
That I am proud of.
I trust God.
But the human race is hard to understand as time goes by.

I don't have a problem with God
because god gave humanity free will.

Don't act like god wants you to attack anyone.

People who attack or belittle others are not instructed by God.
Apparently they have never read their bible.

I did not go through the Holocaust.

But I think I can understand how it feels
to have your life taken apart
piece by piece and
then to watch it affect everyone around you.
Not because you or anyone ever deserved it.

But because of
Ignorance
And
racism.

So to anyone else in the world
who unfortunately understands this pain.

I'm sorry.
You are not alone.

No one should ever be marked with a label
 so they can be punished for what they are.

Your actions are the only thing
punishable by law.



" Pain has an element of blank. It cannot recollect when it began. " - Emily Dickinson

" Vengeance is the Lords." - the Bible

" Thou shalt not kill. " - The Ten Commandments

Corn colored pumpkin patch

Just some old words and some new words.

Corn pumpkin
By Jessica A Singleton

Written 11-23-2015

Your eyes are nothing
but a cold dark room.
I have a forest on my head.
It stands as a door to a realm
that I have locked away .
I walk through the white pumpkin patch
And
I listen to the trees talk amongst themselves.
They whisper secrets.
I know most of them by heart.
I just don't let the pain show through.
It glimmers from behind what is damned.
I have no release.
So I refuse to give you the right
that you have already taken away.
Suffer well
You will not have any rights here again.
This time I will scream.
This time I will let the gates of hell open their arms
And
I
Will let you die by your own hands.


Strength and ambition
By
Jessica Singleton

That whisper that no one else
in this room can hear is strength.
They must be weak and desperate
to hold me like this.
I have a lot of silent wishes
and all of those are what is left
of my ambition.
I'm free inside
But out here-
I don't matter to the sick and deleterious.
They only see what they desire and crave.
And just when I think it is too late.
When I feel torn in two.
I notice how I'm stronger than this.
They only get worse and sicker.
And I have to be getting stronger
Because I am not dying.
So there will come a day when
they finally disintegrate
And they will be no more.


Apple sentiment
By
Jessica Singleton

I have a vintage collection of your intentions.
They have fallen into a distant memory.
I miss you so much
that I read my past moments with you in lines.
You remind me of the fall and candle lit rooms.
I'm only sorry that you are not here
to let me help you feel this desire.
You are a beautiful dream that haunts me.
And if you only knew that
I really am in love with you.
But you're off on a cruise ship
sailing around the Bermuda Triangle.

Caption

I'm lazy tonight. I ate but now I am hungry.

I want to leave the mess that I made in the floor for tomorrow.

Then I want to watch aeon flux and eat and go to bed. Oh I need a bath.

🍪💊🎼🌟💊🔑🖤🦉👄🦋🦄🍳💊🍪🌟🎈

Received as soon as possible

Possibly only by the key holder

I'm not in a line for my own life.
No one has that right.
To have
To steal
No one could possibly bare this grudge that I hold.
Completely alone.


Time feels like the hands of sleep.
Faith seems to be easier to hold onto.
It doesn't fall in love very often
And I just don't understand.


The words that I speak are calmer
and less of a storm then the sentence
that my words stemmed from.
I keep a library hidden within myself.

Package truth
Set free
Never replaced with a lie
Fair and completely settled.

Some new ideas

I walked into town earlier.
Not far.
I walked to the dollar general store.
I needed paper towels.

Not much to say.
I have been having a lot of problems with my credit cards.

Also
Not to jump subjects but I did come up with a new story line.
No one gets how I feel.
So I wrote a story to explain how it feels to be used.

Story line;

A cat walked into a garden to drink from a bird bath. Art and antiques. Fairytale about a princess that falls in love with a soldier.

I did a lot of laundry today

Watching staticky box sets

I'm not on pills these days.
It's hard to focus.
Wearing Ben Cooper fashion
While the smile shows a Valium patient
The monster lingers behind the damage.
I'm the proud owner of a box set of silent films.
Raspberry colored vinyl.
And all of this is just a staticky session
and  Radko finger puppets.
They have all found a home here.
My insanity is contagious yet stain free.
No water marks here.


What is a dream come true?

Ice cold pop.
Freedom
Good health
Sleeping pills
Valium
Clean
Food
Good jeans
Cats
Good books to read
Great reading glasses
Fried pickles
That is everything that matters right now.

The nice word to dwd

I don't talk much.
I've gotten used to the silence of solitude.
No one made it to this level of the game.
What does that mean?
Probably more than what it'd take to explain it.
Broken and distanced from my
own lack of ability to care enough to try.
You just showed up five moments late.
Normally this would be a chance to turn into a monster
Just so I could push someone else away.
I could give you what I did not have
the strength to give to the man
who made me this way.
But your eyes are priceless
when you cry behind that show you put on
And you could not feel
more right than you do right now.
You walk around me like a reminder
Of the pictures of Dreams that you inflict
Every night when I close my eyes.
I can't lose you.
And I can't forget you.
Because I love you.
You make everyone before you
Seem like nothing at all.
As though I was never broken to begin with.

Fried pickles

I had a surprise today.
Angie messaged me.
Then she came over and
she took me out to eat at 🌶 chilies.

I had a great time.
I'm stuck here all the time.
I never get to go anywhere.
Not until I pay bills.
Anyway I now have fallen in
Love with fried pickles.
I'm not kidding.
That has to be the greatest invention.
Outside of soda pop.

So I also have a loaf of bread.
Someone will be jealous.
Don't lie.

Seriously I meant what I said about the pickles.

I bought a key chain with an owl 🦉 on it.

I read very little out of my bible today.
I've been lazy.

I'm confused , ill educated, out of shape and
Not happy
But
I'm not retarded
Insane
Nasty
Or dumb.
I'm not going to die for getting justice.
I'm not going to be ninety years old for knowing the truth.

As an excuse for my mouth-
If you break my heart
Pi55 me off
Or rip up something that matters to me-

I am sure that I am going to say
something that you would not put on a tee shirt.
I'm sorry.
Not to degrade my apology
But my feelings matter too.

Toast
By Jessica Singleton

I can see what happens
When you use another device to make your stomach happy.
Because I have leftovers in my refrigerator.
I don't talk about it in front of you.
I don't have the recipe.
I'm learning as I go along.
I feel like you only eat take out .
So I really don't understand
why you keep asking me about my toaster.
Does it matter to you after breakfast?

Lip sucker b

I cannot stand that stupid actress.
I wish she would join some mountain
group that gives up on society and
 lives in the neck of the woods that she crawled out of.
She is horrible to children when she wants to use them
To destroy others that she does not know.
Because she is obsessed with Keanu.
Get over it.
Now that obnoxious twerp is acting
it out to use David to Rip up my life .
F off
Find a mountain.
Just F off
I'm pressing charges.
She has been picking on me
Since I was a kid.
Go away.

Display window

Display. Window
By
Jessica Singleton


  It looks out at me too.


                       1


The sky looks like a water color painting of a kaleidoscope.
I think it's like that phrase in the eyes of the beholder.  It's like an ink blot test that you have to define to a question.

Does it remind you of your childhood or does it make you feel anything?

I don't take those drinks at the bar any longer.

I walk the gold fish instead of the dog.

I remember my great aunt Betty makes apple cake for New Year's Eve.

That is not a point.
They just want me to talk.

Because they base my opinion on a fact.

My opinion is not in the encyclopedia.

I go for drives at midnight sometimes.

Because no one is around.

Well I used to drive. Not anymore.
I'm half blind now.

My only passion is reading now.

Anyway I used to drive.
I wanted to breathe and get away.
Now I am so isolated that I feel like I am in that moment when you realize that the person in the horror movie is about to know real fear.

That or the dream is to the point of irony.

I'm not asleep.
Sadly I am awake.
I told again.

I cannot take this pain anymore.

I'm not going to kill my self but I am close to understanding ink blot tests.

Because I can't talk about it in facts.
So now I'm explaining art exhibits in silent films.
I have never known such rage and abuse.
Not since childhood.

They feed off neglect and ignorance.
Someone told me that if I was fat and I did not please their eyes that I would die.
Someone else suggested that I should take notes.
Tolerance is not acceptance.
I did not earn this and I will not write a speech.

                               2

Counting owls
By
Jessica Singleton

Jackets for the winter holidays.
Below this belt is your dignity.
That is why your hands are tied with the hope in your ignorance.
Good luck.

Idk line

That person you inquired about made me feel like a stranger at a locked door.
They left me feeling empty and cold.
I doubt you will have anything to worry about.
I don't treat people like a competition.
So you don't have to live up to what someone else did to me.
The truth echoes around me in bright shiny eyes.
No locked conversation here.
The records are on turn tables tonight and it's alright.

I feel so self conscious
when I think of all the excuses and
Things that I really need to say to you.
Like a race to put a puzzle together.
You'd never know how my desire grows and
burns just to have you wrapped around me.
You are everything.
I think that you are worth more than the way you are treated.
It's sad to see you mistreated.
But it's worse to be put into a position
Where I have to fight with you.
God- if you only knew how much I love you.


Am I

Borrowed time
Hands that wind together
Applauding fans the wind
In every direction
That distance
The road I take
And all the moments that I cannot get back.
You'd think that I would know the pieces
That I am missing.
But am I so broken
That I don't know my own strength.
Am I lost or am I just tired?
Cause my body and my mind
don't work as well as my temper.

The right you allow

Today or as I should say Monday is Martin Luther King J. R. Day.

It is supposed to remind you of a life that was stolen because he spoke out and talked about peace.
His life should have never been lost.
Especially over the fact that he only asked everyone to try and get along.

I don't understand anyone anymore.

He was not my family and I don't speak on his behalf.

I guess some people like what I write.

I don't know but somebody reads these blogs.

I am going through some stuff and it's been made so public.

I never thought I would use my blog to ask for anything.

But

You know you don't have to agree with anyone else's choice in life.

You have your opinion and they are allowed to have theirs.

But there really is no excuse to abuse or harm anyone else.

Not outside self defense.

No opinion is attacking your life.

People do not have to die or be robbed or rapped to cross your border.

There is no excuse for war.

I'm not sure what everyone else does on this holiday.

I hope you get to spend time with family.

I know not
Everyone is mean.
It is not your fault.
But
I hope you never have to know what the meaning of these words are


1. Discriminated against
2. Hate
3. Unlawful
4. Murder
5. Rapped
6. Racism
7.  A game of Russian Roulette where your family members are the pieces
8. Trapped
9. Robbed
10.  Ignored
11. Forgotten
12. Abused
13. Taunted and bated until the simple word no out of your mouth meant that you should be condemned and told that you are out of line. And then punished because you spoke out.

" Let freedom ring. " - Martin Luther King J.R

Which way

I find it hard to want to start a conversation.
What to say?
Why even bother?

I get bored with people.
But that is not why I read books.

When some people talk or write-
They can make you feel awake or invigorated.

It is the most amazing feeling.

It is a rare occasion when I take to liking a man.

It is easier for me to
Ignore
Respect
Be attracted
Or
Be annoyed by a man.
But for me to think that I am in love 😍
That really does not happen very often.

About a year ago
I saw a man and At first I was attracted to him.

Then I found myself thinking that he was the perfect man.

Then I respected him.

Before I could stop it,
I feel in love with him.

He was Italian, Iranian, and Asian descent.

I'm mostly Jewish/ British/ Dutch decent.

No one wants us together.

He ran off with everything but me.
He took advantage of me and abused me.

In all of that- I got used to letting him go.

I found myself attracted to many other men.

But I also found something else.

There was a guy on my Facebook page who is part of a fan site page that I am part of too.

He was one of the fewest people who could talk to me.
It was real.
He looks the way I like.

I'm not in love with him yet.

But I like him in a very serious way.

20% is respect of common interest
40% is hormonal and very sexual
But
40% of it is something I can't explain.

K. A. His initials

Q ire

I'm sorry for the part of me
That I cannot understand.

I finished watching it.
And
It
Was
Great.
I love that movie.

I want to believe but....
Can I just not get my hopes up just yet.
I left my mail in David Cutright's car.
Accidentally by my own neglect.
I really should pay more attention.

I'm better now that I have calmed down.

I'm not used to this stuff.
But I'm getting better.
Not much here to say.

It is easy to fall all over myself when it comes to chocolate.

I cannot get used to how much I love things that are dangerous.
I laugh at myself but I'm not joking.
🖤❤️🖤❤️👽🍫🍩🍶🍩🍭🍮🍧🍡🍦🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🌈🍫🍫🍫🍫👽🦄🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🍫🍫🍫🍫💋👽💋💋💋💋💋💋

It

I mailed off some dhs paper work and if those dumb people mess with the mail or mail men I will press charges and then they will spend time in jail.

I mailed off the mattress payment.
I got a Pepsi and chocolate at a gas station.

I'm home now.

Pickled okra

Without reason 79 

By Jessica Singleton 

I can see inside the table by my bed.

It is made of glass.

I am alone.

I have been in this waiting room for ever.

I am not your victim.

I don't punish people for their sex lives

And I'm not getting punished for being abused.

Don't hand me a number.

I don't give a sh:t.

I only want my freedom and my life back.

If you 

Don't mind 

When 

Other people 

Lie 

straight to your face 

Only because 

They want to 

Use you 

To save 

Themselves 

Then 

Don't assume 

That I am anything like you.

Because I am not like you.

Do

Not 

Abuse me.

I get enough abuse from everyone else 

You are free of me

But know this 

I want my own life back 

And my freedom 

You are not allowed to bargain that.

And 

One 

Other thing

Leave my writing 

ALONE 

While

 " It makes me rage. To think this can go on whilst I am shut up here in my room. " - B. S. Dracula

Those people think that I care. Like I would say it is okay.
Even more they want me to cut them a deal.

I mean that little.
I'm not stupid.

Just the subject being brought up has upset me.

I'm angry.

I want my freedom and I do NOT at all want them using my writing for anything.

I hate that stupid white trashy b more than bad food.

I want her to go to jail.

Not because she slept with him.

I don't like her because she killed all those children.

Because she set me up.
Because she abused me.
Because she robbed me.
Because I have never had a reason to respect her.

Commitment to my intentions

I have this happy thought that no longer keeps me going.
Now I avoid you altogether because you have become that important.
Because I am afraid that you will never be here or that I will lose you.
I know this feeling because I have cared enough to feel this way again.
I don't say much these days.
I don't let anyone see when I am broken.
I have had enough time to get used to being alone that you are easier to ignore.
But you are always on my mind.
There is not a single day that I don't care.
I have found a way to not let you know that I love you.
I push you around and avoid you,
It's just it hurts to hurt you.
I just don't want to know how this will feel when I let myself know that I love you.
Because
Someday you will be somewhere else
Or someone will steal you away.
I can only imagine how hard it would be to get over you.
You are good at making me feel things that I cannot control.

Life breathes fresh air

I'm okay. Better and stable.
I'm confused.
I don't understand what is going on.
I mean I did know but now I have no idea.

I half a55 cleaned up the bathroom.
I'm really getting into a book that I am reading. My new debt card came today.

I had to ask for a ride to get out.
Not for today.
Those stupid girls are still trying to dominate me.

I went through my backpack 🎒 again.

I sat outside today.
I walked around my backyard for a few minutes.

The neighbors have dogs. They are cute.

This is really vague...

What else?


Parody
By
Jessica singleton

On my left
Sits intentions that
I would like to think
I will get around to.
But on my right is my pride.
I guess I spend more time cheating with my right.
But I'm all out of excuses so-
I'm just going to avoid the look I left you with.
I'm sorry.
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

❤️ Love

It's funny because it really is not funny.
It is so hard to just start over.
Especially after you have been hurt.

I am very good at directing that pain backwards.
I noticed the under taste of looks
That I leave in other people's eyes.

I'm sorry.

As tacky as it is to defend myself in a moment like this

I did not hurt people's feelings for no reason.
I was broken and abused.
So I yelled.

I yell a lot.

I'm an adult but I am not that good with
My emotions when I'm upset.
I don't kill or rape people but I do cuss.

I really don't want to share boyfriends.

He is everything or was.
I mean he was perfect to me.
I don't think I have ever felt this way.
It New.
Very new.
He was one of the best looking men, that I have ever seen.
He completed me.
I'm sorry.
🌙💗💓🖤💔🌙

" I guess I won that one. "

Over the Rainbow 🌈

" Don't discard me just because you think I mean you harm. "

" in a jigsaw dream with soft spoken words, I woke up crying and no one heard. "

" well, it's too late tonight, to drag the past out into the light. "

" I saw a man, he blew his mind out in a car. He hadn't noticed that the lights had changed. "

" letters I've written, never meaning to send. Just what I'm going through, you can't understand. "


I'm sitting on my bed.
It is late.
Past something.
I'm not sure.
I rearranged some pictures that were on the wall.
No problem.
I was listening to the new Breaking Benjamin song.
It's called:
Cold Red River.
It's beautiful.
I actually have the new A Perfect Circle song.
Disillusioned.
Tool is my favorite band.
A. P.  C. Is a spin off of Tool.
I don't feel like I'm allowed to feel right.
I'm sorry.
I'm only interested in being myself.
Some people really are pathetic.
Anyway-
I wish I was not so afraid.
Tonight was Friday, now it's more like Saturday.
Unless I'm that out of it.
Nope.
I just checked.
It is Saturday.
I'm okay.
Upset yeah.
A little scared and uncertain but okay.

I worked on my laptop earlier.
I mean to say-
I was writing a story.
It was called
Vintage Intentions.
Not sure yet.

I don't have anything to really say.
But I'm sorry.
I really don't deserve this.
You have no idea.

If I had a playlist:
Well they always want to know how you feel.
🦉😞🦋
Songs:

1. Don't Let The Sun Go Down on Me
2. Nights in white satin
3. Heading West
4. Outside
5. One
6. A Day in the life
🎱🍷🍬🍫☎️👠🤡🦉🎱🦄
Because of lyrics.
I'm not bipolar just because I like a variety.
Or else you would need to see a doctor just
 because you ate at a restaurant that offered a buffet line.