Commitment to my intentions

I have this happy thought that no longer keeps me going.
Now I avoid you altogether because you have become that important.
Because I am afraid that you will never be here or that I will lose you.
I know this feeling because I have cared enough to feel this way again.
I don't say much these days.
I don't let anyone see when I am broken.
I have had enough time to get used to being alone that you are easier to ignore.
But you are always on my mind.
There is not a single day that I don't care.
I have found a way to not let you know that I love you.
I push you around and avoid you,
It's just it hurts to hurt you.
I just don't want to know how this will feel when I let myself know that I love you.
Because
Someday you will be somewhere else
Or someone will steal you away.
I can only imagine how hard it would be to get over you.
You are good at making me feel things that I cannot control.