Window Diary by me

 Window Diary

By

Jessica S

I saw a tall pale man standing in the display window the other day. 

He had a blank canvas inside his own window. 

I kept looking at my own feet. It was like I drew a card that didn't have a face.

I studied my feet for a while and then I realized how much I wanted to talk to him.

It felt like being thirsty and insane with his presence.

He was so thin and silent.

My paranoia kept reminding me of aborted fetuses screaming as they were rejected. 

I can't do this.

And then I actually spoke to him. 

He was aware of the noise.

He looked around for a few minutes and then he looked down to see me. 

I almost choked as I swallowed my own pride. 

The man was a lot of everything else I can relate to but we are so different and I watched as he turned away. He managed to step on my shoes as he departed. 

He didn't think very much of me at all.

If I had not said stop hurting me, he would have gone on standing there. Because I didn't matter at all. 

The men inside my head

 They are right I don’t have much to say. I am not in a bad mood. 

Random ideas

Cats look good sleeping in the window 

Books are doorways 

I feel compassion and understanding towards anyone in the world who has ever been broken down or hurt by their own inner circle.

I am glad that most of that is over.

It gets difficult when all you feel is pain.

If there was only a cure to speedily get through heartbreak. 

Sorry I don’t know of anything on that either. 

It’s probably best if I don’t talk because I will come off like an obnoxious fortune cookie.

Those talking ouija boards would probably be better companionship. 

I have a goal though.

I honestly have no idea how I am going to accomplish this but I want to make someone sad smile. 

They are probably not going to smile unless they are diverting my attention to be nice. I don’t mean that insulting towards me.

Actually this is to personal.

I feel like an asshole for even posting this. 

X spot boy 

He doesn’t notice his reflection 

Because he is looking over his shoulder at what he does not want to leave behind 

I feel so sorry for him

I almost want to try

Something I never knew how to do

I want to pick up the pieces and hand him back his lie

But I can’t 

Because I don’t want to hurt him

Anymore then she did

He is not ready 

And I am to self conscious 

—-

Pale suitcase 

Ideas 

He carried a vintage case with a collection of memories 

He doesn’t live in the present 

Because 

He lives in his past

He is only happy there

Until 

He