Hollywood California movie and music industry

Make no mistake-

This is not fiction.

What I am about to say is not a hoax or joke.

I'm not retracting these words.

This is the closest thing to a living will that I have.

Because of what happened to me.

Hollywood destroying my entire life.

Holding me down.

And then this.

They put chemicals into my food.

Until I know the damage or the extent?

I will have to only say this-

I , Jessica Anne Singleton of sound heart and sound mind do not allow Hollywood or anything/ anyone in the world to use , borrow , mimic, or cover any of my ideas, writing and or my life story/ my situation. 

Hollywood as a whole along with everyone else will never receive blood money or anything from my estate or my family. 

They may have killed me. 

Our ties are cut. 

The END!

Book marks

I was given book marks in that box of plastic utensils. They look like they might be handmade and they are beautiful. 

Great expectations is poetically sad and beautiful. 🍀

Chance by Jessica Singleton

It's hard to look away 

when all you 

have ever wanted 

is standing beside you 

but 

it's harder to stay 

in the place 

that will only 

remind me 

of what 

I will never have. 

I offered you everything 

for nothing once before.

And 

you wanted everything 

but me. 

Now you need my help. 

I wish you would 

not say things 

that you can't take back. 

You felt so right-

That once long ago 

You taught me blind faith. 

I believed in you 

Until you were 

exposed as a myth. 

Now I have 

a stack of diaries 

that have turned into 

broken fairytales. 

I say the most 

Horribly beautiful things.

I hurt you with my pain.

You are a beautiful fantasy 

mixed in with a dream. 

You are lucky.

You always will be.

Because unlike me-

Someone actually 

cares about you.  

And 

On some shelf 

I still love you. 

I'm careful of you now. 

I will never break again. 

This time- 

I will be an old friend 

rather then an asylum 

full of regret.

Combined art makes art

" Life feeds off life. This is necessary. " - Tool

This 

Plus ( + )

This 

Equals ( = )

This

I'm not obsessed. Just a fan of art and music. 

I'm not obsessed

One of my favorite authors is Stephen King. It's his birthday, so even though I don't personally know him.

Happy 🎈Birthday!

🤡

Best wishes and happy luck.

Something great.

Philip by Jessica singleton

Philip was standing in a window overlooking the blue waters of the raging sea. The storm made the world into a beautiful pallet. The sea was safe in it's cradle from the world. 

Philip was safe from the storm in his picture window. 

The sea's arms beat against the rocks and cliffs like an orchestra conductor at a stand with a stick in his hands. 

The sky was the percussion section but it looked more like it should be playing violins and cellos , that were imitating a very sad poem.

How could such desecration cause such a masterpiece?

He was visited by his sister Gabriella . She brought him a package. For his birthday he was given three different books.

One was a first edition Blake.

The second a bible from the early 1970's.

The third a leather bound diary.

Because Philip kept his thoughts privately written. After the war, it became impossible for Philip to want to communicate verbally. 

Philip had requested his father's bible after the war killed him. 

It was all he had left from the only man who was never there.

But the Bible was not his father's bible.

Philip yelled at his sister.

She loved her brother. 

It was nice they found each other after the war. 

It was nice to know that you were not alone. 

That you had family.

But Philip made her think that she did something wrong when he yelled. 

Philip had a lot of bottled up anger. 

He had suffered from the war more than the soldiers fighting.

Philip wasn't thinking about Gabby's feelings. Philip had never told Gabriella exactly what the war had done to him. 

The warhead constantly covered up the truth until the truth ended the war.

Then nothing could cover it up. 

Thousands of people were murdered but Philip's  entire family was slaughtered like animals.  They were called anti semantic names because they were Jews . Their pictures were burned . Their property and everything of value was stolen by the people who did it . The warhead then pocketed the worth of the people they murdered. Philip was orphaned by the war and all he had left was one picture of his family and a request request to own his father's Bible.

Philip was so happy when he found out that he had a sister That was alive . he felt like the last of its kind.

Philip didn't think about Gabriella's feelings when he started yelling because he wasn't yelling at Gabrielle in his mind he was yelling about a bad situation. A situation that had gone on for far too long. Just so the guilty  people could keep covering up the truth and taking what you have and replacing it with something that wasn't even close to it . Just so they can control your life and cause more problems and get away with it. 

Gabriella didn't know how to find Philip's father's Bible . She didn't ask because she didn't think about how it would matter . She just figured he wanted a Bible. 

Gabby was distant from Philip for a while. 

One night after church, 

Gabby was to curious not to ask if Philip hated her. Or if she did not please him?

Philip said , "I watched my entire family die.  I reported it to the authorities when it was just a threat but the authorities didn't care because they signed up for it . They did this because it was too easy to do and get away with . They wanted money they didn't need . Money  they just wanted .  Everyone 's. life was a price . Once they started , it was more of a price of freedom because they wanted to get away with it before their life was in jeopardy.

I spent years fighting the war so the war spent years tearing down everything I could accomplish and then tearing me down and reducing me to silence. The war abused me for crying once they tortured me to the point of screaming.  then once I was silent they tortured me more because they said I must be a robot if I don't say anything . they abused me for telling on them and then they abused me after they covered it up acting like I didn't tell on them . So it was my fault that the war was going on. 

The only thing I have left through it all was my faith in God and the belief  in something that you don't really need a book for.  my family bowed their heads to pray and because they wouldn't bow their head to being abused, they lost their life.  so my faith meant more to me . when your father dies it's an honor to own his Bible. I'm sorry I hurt you.

No one can understand anything that they don't believe in. 

You did nothing wrong. You showed up holding something that let a river rage over a damn. It had been simmering for a while. I see you as a blessing. I love you because you are my own family. I'm sorry again that I hurt you or that I come off ungrateful. 

The End 

Two different emotions about two different things

In the mind of fog

By

Jessica Singleton 

My mind is clear

It wonders down 

the streets of 

Memory and regret 

I took a walk home 

one night 

It was only then 

that I saw everything 

with clear vision 

Your corner is abandoned.

And 

you're alone inside 

of 

your own intentions. 

They twist around 

What you did to your own life. 

Your hands are keys.

The day you realize that 

you will be free 

Those words you speak 

Are nothing 

but 

lace and bows 

to cover 

the box 

underneath. 

Fog lined streets 

Clear and clean from the rain.

Broken promise and silly lies.

Now you're an open book and everyone knows the ending.

Simple pages 

Blank pallet 

Yesterday's denial 

Nothing to figure out.

Fuck your ego 

Cause it's a bitch 

And that's all you'll ever have. 

Sweet comfort 

By 

Jessica Singleton 

He keeps warm colors of wood with strings attached. 

And he makes me feel embers of bonfires igniting my fall. 

These pictures are not a reflection of anything going on in my life

I find pictures online sometimes. If I like them- I keep them. 

I love cats but I don't have a cat. 

I love peacock colors. 

So here are some beautiful pictures.

The way I feel by jessica singleton

He never showed up 

and 

He took off in the 

other direction too soon. 

I never had a chance 

to understand him. 

In fact no one really did. 

I'm sorry but old calendars are worthless unless you save the pretty pictures. 

Although I have no idea what to do with pretty pictures of things that don't exist. 

I'm not ashamed of falling in love with a beautiful picture.

I'm not ashamed that I am human. 

I guess it's easier for people who can't control you-

To just manipulate you. 

They try to make me feel like there is something wrong with me because I don't want to be isolated and abused.

By that clarity-

I believe there is 

something extremely 

wrong 

but 

it's with them and not me. 

You have no idea how much life has belittled me and abandoned me. 

Not all the blame is his. 

Life is not a man. 

You would feel really good right now. 

You could wrap yourself around me and keep me until I can breathe again. 

I'm curious who will come next. 

They never really cared?

They scare too easy and they love everything else.

You don't come off desperate and virginal.

So if you said you wanted and needed me too, maybe you would actually mean it. 

It's not just your eyes but you're good looking. 

It's too bad I can't make you mine other then in my head.

But you are welcome within reason. 

I don't sleep with married men and I don't want to get sick. 

It is completely open to you and you don't have to get on your knees. 

I would be happy to except you. 

Just a blog

I am awake at this hour.

I don't think I have had normal sleeping patterns in the last 8 years.

I'm actually tired finally but I have to walk in place and take a bath. I moved stuff around in my bedroom & living room.

God blessed me again.

The food is clean.

Little things now are a blessing.

Things that most take for granted are precious.

Not to sound like I'm floating on a bubble.

I'm serious.

Life is something that no one is supposed to take from you unless you're in line for the electric chair. In that case I think the law is the only one who can make that decision. 

But I'm okay right now.

Pray that I receive permanent redemption.

I don't ever want my right stolen from me again. 

I am proud to be a Christian.

Someone asked me the other day what I would do about racism towards the fact that I am a Christian.

Unless they broke a law with their racism ( problem)

-

But how do I feel-

I am more proud of my faith in God.

I'm not embarrassed.

I'm not ashamed.

It does scare me because I don't know what people like that are willing to do for their racism. 

But it is kind of pathetic and stupid.

I get that they are allowed their own opinion.

I'm not talking about that.

It's what they are doing with their own opinion that is wrong.

You don't have to like anything but you are not allowed to abuse it. 

I look at people who don't believe and it's sad . 

On a Christian level-

I'm taught to worry about everyone else's soul.

But I'm not talking about that when I say what I am about to say.

They want to tell me that I am out dated like a dinosaur.

Because I don't want to live by their rules.

Because I follow the 10 commandments.

They want me to let them use me, rob me, abuse me, lie about me, set me up and condemn me for what only they are guilty of. 

They honestly think I'm insane because I don't want to be abused.

So they try to abuse me anyway.

They want to pull a mock police raid to play god on television.

I think they want to see what will happen. 

I want my life back. I don't want a hoax . I want the real thing. I almost think it's for show-

Like they are not really going to do anything.

They just want the public to think it is okay.

It's a hoax of joke.

Nothing they have done makes sense. 

I'm not interested in being used as bate.

I think if ignorant people carried around a tape recorder that it would shock them hours later when they were listening to the play back.

They really are pathetic. 

High water no shortage by Jessica Singleton

Sailing on Indian waters

By

Jessica Singleton 

I sit on the docks when the sun is disillusioned into its own fate. I don't talk about it. I watch it relax and then I watch it bloom into a silver flower.

I used to work. Now I live on my inheritance and I write a collusion of thoughts for a local press. 

Once I found that watching the boats take off was like having company. 

Because I am alone.

It's like a familiar television show. 

You get used to their voice and photos.

Once the credits start and the violinist begins-

Then you're  by yourself again. 

I clean my house and I read.

It feels like I am avoiding something that I fear. The truth is, I am afraid of knowing that I really am alone. Because that will make me feel surrounded. 

I hate what war does to a home. 

Other people want to fight.

I don't want to fight.

I only want to defend my own house. 

But when people make decisions using other people's lives-

Then innocent blood stains the memory.

I have seen to many flags folded. 

I have cried into the darkness hours of night.

I never thought that I would want the company of anyone else again.

It's hard to want to talk to anyone when you just lost everyone you ever knew. 

What would they say?

Would they say that we should leave this place and forget about everything that mattered. Because they don't really care?

That would prove it.

I forgot how to smile.

Until I went hysterical with pain.

Then I couldn't stop laughing like a mad man. 

On Wednesday I go for a coffee. 

It's rich with texture and I love fresh cream. 

I drink my cup looking out the window at the birds. 

I read the paper.

It's the funny pages now.

Watching the news spread out in lines, it must be a sad pathetic joke. 

But it's the truth. 

War kills. 

By the hands of people who when looked at closely aren't really anything at all. 

I can't believe my eyes today. 

But my right eye still knows.

Anyway a last Wednesday I met a man with a dog on the dock. He was tall and beautiful to take in. I found my eyes analyzing that man like he was a puzzle I had to put together. 

But all the while I wanted to take his clothes off of him. I never have compulsions or wild behavior. 

He was captivating and he looked like paradise. 

He had dark skin and his eyes made me fall in love with him. 

I wished for him as I spoke to him. 

I did not want to be to foreword but I asked him to come over that night. 

I spent time getting to know everything about him. 

He took my mind off of my pain. 

I forgot how good it felt to be relaxed and content. 

He had a way of holding me in his arms that made me feel safe and cared for. 

He likes  early Americana advertisements, airplanes, black coffee, and 1950s restaurant furniture. 

He collected strange lamps for years. He was an artist. He would weld the fixtures together to make Siamese lamps. 

He took me for a boat ride on Indian water once. He told me about his father. 

I never thought anything would end my perfect life with him. 

And it was not the war.

He was just human with curiosity and lust. 

I am fragile and needy.

So we could not have had worse timing to meet. 

I pushed him as much as he pushed me. 

Until the war was over and he found more comfort in lesser company. 

Once he had left me I realized that he was more than a way out of my pain. Because the loss of that man was worse then my problems with the war. 

It took me by surprise.

To see myself recover from the war. 

I eventually got my life back. 

Sometimes I wonder about him. 

I wonder if he is happy somewhere else.

If I did not make him that happy. 

It crossed my mind a few times what would have happened if only. 

I moved away from Indian water. 

I found peace. 

Forgiveness by Jessica Singleton

It takes more of 

yesterday than today

 to let go of everything 

that can't walk out 

on its own 

anymore. 

I have stood here

Long enough 

to Comprehend 

the concept of understanding . 

You would think 

I was forgiving someone. 

I can't forgive myself 

for letting you go. 

I just don't understand 

why I didn't see 

that you were 

already gone

 before you left. 

To: 

A friend who is grieving. 

👽👽🍀🐘