Don't worry , I don't love you. by Jessica Singleton ( poem)

Don't worry, I don't love you-
                          By;
           Jessica     Singleton

You walked in front of me to tell me that you needed my attention. There was something that couldn't wait.
I did not have much time but I listened anyway.
I saw you through.
You only wanted me to know that I should not worry because you don't love me.
I ask why you needed me to know that?
Considering that I did not even know you at all.
You wanted me to know that I was dirty and screwed up.
That you had the right to push me. You wanted to punish me. You said , that I deserved punishment for not meeting your standards. In your eyes, I was a loser.
You riped me apart from the inside out and knocked the crap out of me.
Then when you find out that I'm not dirty. That it was a mistake based on other people's lies.
When you took the time to get to know me, then you wanted me to know that I don't have to worry, because you don't love me enough to hurt me more.
You only do things when you give a crap.
I'm starting over and trying to get off the ground.  There is not much left of me.
Not after you tore my life up.
Then you get a call from a person that you do not give a load about. Some stinky spoiled brat wants your help with punishing innocent people but clean you wants to have fun at other people's expenses.
Someone wants you to come help them screw up the people's lives around me.
But that is okay, 
no worries for you.
You don't love anyone here.
So it will not bother you to lose them.
I'm in a shadow state and I'm drunk , until it is too late to bring them back.
But that is okay, 
you and your loser friend on the phone don't have to worry,
I need to know 
that you know 
that I do love you.
Why I'll never really know?
But that is okay because I don't mean enough to you, and then again....
I SHOULDN'T worry anyway ,
because you don't love me.
It is to hard to look me in the eyes after what you did.
But didn't you know, I do worry because I know that you will tare me in two.
So I live in a nightmare state.
I know I'll look over my shoulders the rest of my life.
Just waiting on the day that you finally kill me too.
I'm not worth enough to you because of the blood that runs through my veins and I'm not at the top of your to do list.
To many tomorrows for you.
To little 
and 
to late for me.
Why bother when you can have it all by knocking me down?
Now I want you to know ,
I've been here to many times to be surprised.
I have a little time saved up and you decide that you should take that too.
But if I don't scream and draw attention to myself when you're killing me. 
That would make you happy.
Because you don't want to get caught, then you'll give me a breath of what is already mine.
I can yell and I can scream.
I can say anything that I want but if I do,
Then you will punish me more before you kill me.
There is that silver light behind the clouds.
Lucky me.
Lucky you.
You gave me an chance to say thank you . 
Like I owe you that.
But I want you to know, that you don't have to worry, because I don't love you.
I am not going to shut my mouth and let you take advantage of me again.
I am guessing that you will keep doing just that until the day you finally kill me.
I'm not suicidal but fuck I'm not stupid.
You're as dumb as your friends,
 if you think that I want to lay down while you rape me again.
Because I cannot deal with this anymore.
But don't worry,
I don't love you either.
So I will not turn out like you.
Don't worry,
Please don't trouble your head.
God knows not much goes on there anyway.
Not if you think like this.
But I want you know, 
you don't have to spare my feelings.
Because I don't love you anymore.